League of Legends Team Disbands, Takes Up New Game
By Will Dryden
In a rousing display of unity, Southern Virginia University’s League of Legends esports team unanimously voted earlier this week to disband, reportedly after the collective realization that they had been spending hours each day playing League of Legends.
“I just woke up this morning and thought ‘I am a League of Legends player. I am going to practice League today. This is the path I have chosen in life.’ That’s when I knew something had to change,” said senior James Baldwin.
Other players reported similar epiphanies, multiple of which came after putting a fist through their third computer monitor of the day.
“One of my teammates was going top lane as Jinx, and the next thing I knew my hands were bleeding and my keyboard was broken in half,” said another student, who wishes to remain anonymous. “I see Teemo when I close my eyes. He frightens me.”
Upon collective realization of the psychological damage the game was inflicting on them, the team unanimously agreed to never speak of it again, instead entering the arena of competitive Lego Star Wars.
“It’s just the better game,” said the entire team in unison. The new team currently practices under the International Tournament Legal (ITL) ruleset (best of 7 in the cantina, Droideka banned). Over their first week of practices, only six TVs have been destroyed by PlayStation 2 controllers, an improvement of nearly 80% over League of Legends practices.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!
