Crucial Conversations: The Book That Will Change Your Life
By Jared Smith
Meet Kevin, the guy that is somehow remarkable without being remarkable. Nothing seemed different about Kevin until, when at an executive meeting when a terrible idea was proposed, he spoke up against his work’s CEO. Kevin ignored the terror that pervaded the room and calmly expressed his opinion and why he had it. That was what set Kevin apart, that was the edge that made him so remarkable.
The problem that everyone else had in the book is described as:
“Everyone besides Kevin believed they had to make a choice between two bad alternatives.
Option 1: Speak up and turn the most powerful person in the company into their sworn enemy.
Option 2: Suffer in silence and make a bad decision that might ruin the company.”
Cool-headed willingness to enter the dialogue was Kevin’s superpower.
Di-a-logue or di-a-log
— The free flow of meaning between two or more people.
Kevin’s perspective allowed for the free flow of ideas and meaning between people, even when there were roadblocks and walls in between.
Crucial Conversations is a book that will equip you with tools that make high-stress conversations manageable and effective. Those tools can improve your relationships and increase your ability to succeed in life.
I don’t know many people who like difficult and/or painful conversations. It’s not hard to think of a few of those conversations — the breakup, the car negotiation, the wage raise conversation. While none of these conversations are easy, they are all crucial.
Crucial Conversations gives comprehensive wisdom to the art of navigating high-stakes conversations–I will share just a few that stood out to me:
Focus on what you really want
Don’t get sidetracked from your actual desires. If you blame it on something totally arbitrary, you’ve already disrupted your flow of meaning and compromised the dialogue.
Notice when safety is at risk
Catch yourself when your natural instincts make adrenaline rush to your brain. Recognize that tensions are mounting, and consciously decide to de-escalate the situation.
Stay in dialogue even when you’re angry or scared
Practice mindfulness in dialogue, and take things objectively, choosing not to react but simply to listen.
Don’t make dialogue the decision, make it brainstorming
Understand that dialogue does not have to be a decision; rather, it is the process of acknowledging and considering the free-flowing meaning coming from every party. Make your decision clearly after considering and acknowledging the dialogue.
Hear all about it from Ron McMillan himself below.
Crucial Conversations is a book that has changed my life and the way I communicate with others. It has improved my relationships, and I know it can improve yours as well. I highly recommend it!
Get your own copy online → Crucial Conversations
