Trader Joe’s Fall Foods Showdown
By Sydney Crandall
Pumpkin Spice season is officially upon us and, with it, a new batch of fall themed staples from none other than Trader Joe’s. But which ones are actually worth looking forward to all year round, and which ones are better off left on the shelf? We made it our mission to provide SVU students with an accurate ranking of the best pumpkin spice or fall themed snacks at Trader Joe’s, so you can spend more time enjoying them and less time staring at the shelf trying to pick them out.
With a total of 12 taste testers — each given a maximum of 10 points for each item — , the highest amount of points that an item could earn is 120 points. The rankings are as follows:
7. Spiced Cider — score: 57/120
Finishing in last place by a large margin, to the surprise of many, was the spiced cider. Generally considered a fall staple, this drink was described by our testers as tasting like “a Yankee Candle in a cup,” having an awful aftertaste. The beginning notes being bland with a weird shock of spice at the end. It’s best described in the following series of statements: “I would use it at a party. I would drink it for studying. It would dull a conversation. Don’t think it’s spicy enough for anything past friendship.”
6. This Pumpkin Walks into a Bar — score: 63/120
Expected by many to be on the lower end of the preferences, it was no shock when this came in second to last place. It is rated fairly average at 63/120. While one of our tasters admitted that they don’t like snack bars like this to begin with, those who did still claimed that it “didn’t taste right,” the texture being, “a mixture of chunky jelly and sand.” In a sentence, “I wouldn’t buy it but if someone gave it to me I wouldn’t throw it away.” Other more extreme reactions included the claim that one would only eat this if starving.
5. Ghosts and Bats Potato Snacks — score: 65/120
“I don’t care that it’s cute, it tastes like dog water.” Originally excited by the fun shapes and marketing, many of our tasters were let down by the overall blandness of this selection. Comment after comment was received on the overall lack of seasoning and taste in general. One stated, “That’s probably the worst potato chip I’ve ever had. Has the texture of a corn puff and absolutely no flavor.” Summed up into four words, “fun shape, sad taste.”
4. Pumpkin Spice Teeny Tiny Pretzels — score: 67/120
This item seems to be where we see a turn from complete to hatred to more of a neutral stance. While some claimed that “the salty and sweet go well together” and one claimed that they “would probably eat these over chocolate pretzels during the fall,” others admitted that while they liked it, the pumpkin spice was “a bit overpowering,” or that they were “a bit to salty.” The general consensus seemed to amount to one tasters claim that “what they lack in pumpkin flavor they make up for in mediocrity.”
3. Pumpkin Biscotti — score: 73/120
The biscotti seemed to have mixed reviews. However, those that were negative seem to be mostly because of confusion about what biscotti is. This is shown by one taster in the statement, “it’s too hard but I think it’s supposed to be hard.” Those that did know what it was supposed to be seemed to appreciate it much more. For those frequent fliers out there, it was said that the pumpkin biscotti is reminiscent of American Airlines complimentary cookies.
2. Pepita Salsa — score: 81/120
The salsa ranked much higher on the list than expected, seeing as it is not a typical fall treat. Deemed the best thing on the list by one tester, there was a lot of talk about the perfect balance between the spice and the flavor of the salsa itself. A testament to the validity of the claims, one taster wrote, “As someone from Arizona where we have amazing salsa, I was very skeptical. But I actually think it’s really good. The pumpkin isn’t too prominent and the spice is perfect.” As if the salsa itself wasn’t good enough, it was claimed that this made the ghost chips mentioned earlier substantially better as well. The surprise is summed up well by one of our samplers: “I’ve gone from extremely skeptical to tempted to walk out with the jar.”
1. Pumpkin Flavored Joe Joe’s — score: 91/120
“I am not a cookie fan but I would eat these religiously just to taste fall.” The answers were almost entirely matching in energy and message as I read the raving reviews for this snack. As if the flavor itself wasn’t enough, the texture is lauded as being perfect in that “the cream filling is smooth and interacts well with the crunch of the cookie.” While many claimed it was the best item they tried, suggestions were also made to pair it with milk to make it even better. To encapsulate the feeling into one thought: “it felt like a hug.”
Whether deliciously show stopping or not, Trader Joes fall specials are still looked forward to by a vast crowd. If that’s you, I do regret to inform you that the closest place for you to find these seasonal treats is in Charlottesville. Whether that’s worth it or not is up to you.
