Horoscopes in The Heartbeat? Presenting: The Stethoscope
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You’re a hard worker, but you have a tendency to put too much pressure on yourself. Take some time to sit back and reflect on what’s truly important in your life, and what’s only causing you unnecessary stress. Also, drinking a pumpkin spice latte doesn’t make you basic, it’s popular because it’s good. You’re not a sheep, you just know what you like and share that with others.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Big changes are coming your way, best to keep your mind open and accept what is to come. Stop worrying about the things you can’t control, and instead focus on what you can control. Tidy up your space a bit to clear your head. Go for a walk and pick up a cool pebble. Name it. This stone is your new friend. It’ll rock, just don’t get too sedimental.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
It’s okay if you’re feeling a bit lost right now. Take some deep breaths and know that things will get better with time. Work to actively make the changes in your life that you want to see. Re-visit something you used to love, like playing the recorder, or Papa’s Cupcakeria.
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Now is a great time to consider your career options. Put together a resume if you haven’t already, and check out part-time jobs you could be a fit for. A year from now you’ll be glad for the experience (and the income). This is also your reminder to look for that shirt you haven’t been able to find and therefore haven’t worn in ages, you miss it and it’s gotta be around somewhere, right?
LEO (July 23-August 22)
Check in on your loved ones, and check in on yourself. A strong support network will help you reach your fullest potential. Always know that you are loved, and that you are worth it. Treat yourself to something nice because you beyond deserve it. This is an excellent opportunity to plant some flowers in a little pot on your windowsill. Recycle a soup can or something if you can’t find a pot, dirt is everywhere, and seeds are about two dollars on those spinny racks (you know the ones), the Sobey’s by HHM probably has them.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
Feeling a bit burnt out already, and stressing over that because you’re only a few weeks into school? You will be okay. Organize your thoughts in a journal and talk to someone if you’re struggling, just don’t talk to your journal! Or do? Talking to inanimate objects might not be the best way to solidify your strained relationship with reality but whatever works for you.
LIBRA (September 23-October 23)
You are not responsible for prioritizing other people’s well-being and happiness over your own. It’s like that airplane rule where you put on your own air mask before you help others. This will only hurt you in the long run. Lush will give you free samples of their products, and there’s nothing stopping you from asking to try an expensive soap or shampoo next time you’re at the Avalon Mall.
SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)
Don’t let fear stop you from doing the things you love. You’re such a strong person and as soon as you let go of what’s holding you back (unless it’s a parachute or bungee cord) you’ll be grateful you did. Stay safe out there, and please don’t let go of your parachute, the school newspaper isn’t equipped to handle an insurance liability of that scale.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
Bored? Try picking up a new pastime or hobby. Sewing, reading, writing poetry, or finding a new series to binge if you’re not stuck in the 18th century. Keep that beautiful brain of yours busy! Find a schedule and routine that works well for you. Have you ever tried to lick your own elbow?
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)
If something feels wrong, it probably is. Trust your gut, you know you better than anybody else does. Listen to yourself, and don’t give into peer pressure. When’s the last time you drank water? Go hydrate before you shrivel up into a raisin of a human. Seriously, go drink water. Now! Put the Heartbeat down and hydrate! Go!
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
It’s frustrating, and you’re allowed to be upset, just don’t dwell on it and let it consume you. Keep moving forwards and through, you’ll get where you’re going eventually. Until then, try a new soup recipe, you’d be surprised. It doesn’t have to be fancy or anything. If you don’t like soup, make a smoothie. What’s the difference between a soup and a smoothie? Both can have vegetables or fruits, can be served warm or cold, and consumed from cups or bowls. A puréed soup (like tomato soup) is the same as a smoothie. You know that deep down.
PISCES (February 19-March 20)
Are you really living or just going through the motions? Now don’t get all existential or anything, but shaking up your day-to-day routine and gaining some confidence could do wonders for you. You’re at a crossroads in life and it’s up to you where you go next. Have you ever noticed that Europe is the only continent that doesn’t start with the letter A? There’s Asia, Africa, Antarctica, Australia, America (North+South), and Europe. Wild isn’t it?
