Sorry CDC, We Tried, But We Just Can’t Stay Away
Wide angle shots show five men in a van pressed well within six-feet of each other, high fiving and laughing jovially. They set the scene. Today, they’re helping a young man. He’s stressed out, financially unstable, has an ok job and has a really good heart. The van parks and the men open the door to a small, untidy midwestern home. The man sees the five familiar faces and breaks down in tears. In a dramatic cacophony, everyone squeezes, fist bumps, shakes hands, and hugs.
The opening scene from the show, Queer Eye, might be one Netflix watchers know well, but which recently has felt somewhat foreign. When at once the show seemed to closely resemble reality, the genre now feels amiss. The hugging and high fiving that are so integral to the atmosphere of the show, now are gone at the Coronavirus’ demand.
The popular Netflix show, created by David Collins, now in its fifth season, depicts exactly what we cannot have, and as fans of the show know, the heartwarming scenes depend upon the hosts’ and guests’ proximity to each other. The laughing, hugging, hair touching, and home invading is all part of the allure. The show, a self help style reality flick, poses the idea that the close bonds built between people will help drastically alter the lives of those in need of a little boost.
Our struggles are remedied by the hands-on love of caring individuals.
Part of an effective caregiver relationship depends on consistent warm, loving touch. Before we have the words to express ourselves, the mobility to move away from danger, or the self awareness to lessen our fears on our own, a warm touch provides us with safety and love.
Centuries ago, researchers hypothesized that a lack of touch stunted childhood development. Subsequent finds many instances in which touch lessens aggression. High-touch cultures have lower rates of violence, and low-touch cultures have extremely high rates of youth and adult violence. The importance of touch is often neglected, and especially in the United States, a lack of touch has unfortunately become more normal. Even before social distancing, a well cited shows that adolescents in the United States touch each other less than their Parisian counterparts, and simultaneously display aggressive verbal and physical behavior.
een the body and brain to signal attachment. Much the same as how children learn to feel love through the touch of their caregivers, we feel romance in tiny chemical messengers that affect our emotions.
Dopamine, oxytocin, and epinephrine all contribute to the pleasurable sense of elation upon entering a new relationship. Many think that distant COVID-19 relationships will not withstand the test of time.
We’ve traded kisses for zoom chats and hugs for voice memos, and now more than ever we are dependent on technology to mediate our relationships.
Interestingly, watching intimate scenes portrayed on television on T.V shows like Queer Eye can make up for some of the lost touch, hence why cutting filming had many up in arms.
Viewing others’ lives on TV can trigger the release of dopamine , the same chemical released when meeting attractive people in real life. People have always loved sex scenes, especially on reality TV shows. And no, it’s not just because of the arousal associated with pornography Many people live vicariously through social relationships watched on t.v. and in the media. Under non-COVID-19 circumstances for those with anxiety who have trouble getting their intimacy and touch needs met in real life, the shows create a “safe space” where leaning into the connection becomes less stressful.
Is it possible that we’re meeting our needs without touch?
The idea that technology will take over our in-person connection doesn’t surprise some forward thinkers, although they fear it may not be a good thing.
Renowned author, E.M. Forsters’ short story, The Machine Stops depicts a science fiction reality in which all of humanity lives in underground cells. Each citizen’s home cell contains a computer that is connected to all other computers, and human touch is mediated through the pressing of buttons, much like today’s video calling. The protagonist, Vashti, spends hours talking to friends through her screen and feels immense anxiety at the thought of leaving her cell. Forster creates a reality where humans simply go on without real connection.
Eventually, the Machine stops, and the citizens realize, “what had been important on earth. [was] Man, the flower of all flesh.”
A real life example can be found in the bestselling book, Alone Together where researcher and MIT professor, Sherry Turkle, identifies the plethora of ways in which online intimacies create the illusion of companionship. She argues that Facebook friends do not equate to real friendships, and that online forums change the way that people speak to one another.
Social Media makes communication easy, and incessant, and as a result, people lose the depth and fulfillment that come with in person relationships. Turkle’s argument expands upon the negative effects of touch starvation. Not only do intimate relationships suffer from a lack of touch, they also suffer from altered forms of communication. In her studies, she has found that when primarily interacting online, people succumb to solitude.
Is tech mediated connection genuine? Turkle doesn’t think so.
Whatever the reason may be for a lack of social distancing, touch starvation has long been a silent killer. Whether technology is to blame or not, it’s time we address that without each other nearby, we are unhappy, and we might be more affected than we realize.
Originally published at https://www.theideamix.com on July 11, 2020.
