The gratuitous battle of the wills

I think depression and all the other mental fucktitudes are an outcome of an individual trying to take control of that part of our beings which belongs to the autopilot.

Taking the reins of all aspects of life is what keeps me in the rut, trying to control how i breathe how i walk what i feel what i think about and how i react to what i think about.

An analogy would be an expert tennis player. I believe he would be best when he is operating under his autopilot mode , uninterrupted by his thoughts and feelings and realisations about where his arms are and how is the ball approaching toward him/her.

The background consciousness is what I refer here which was coined by alan watts. A place where from an effortless stream of instructions guide you. I believe conscious and contrived involvement in that area is what causes depression.

I also believe autopilot is where God or the life intelligence lives and its the devil everywhere else. Autopilot is your local guidance system . Its the Now. Its everything. Its the solution.

Overtime though persistent sadness and bitterness has caused me to distrust my autopilot and my frantic attempts to take control of the aircraft is what has resulted in much agony. I want to control this dimension of life that is like wanting to breathe without apparatus on the moon. Its malarkey.

I keep trying to do it but as a habit. Its because my autopilot has manuvered a few times against my liking. Fearing it will do that again , i venture into its territory and try to control the aircraft as per my designs. In an abstract statement this is akin to me trying to control my fate.

What I am now missing is “trust” in my autopilot and the repurcussions of this just a directionless voyage into the dark instead of a fulfilling life. I mistrust the autopilot because I mistook a few mishaps it has performed as its direct attempts to derail my life. I started looking at it as if its the antagonist.

Trust cant be invented but. It builds up over a period like lava in a volcano. And once it erupts that is to say when the trust breaks , there is absolutely nothing one can do to glue it together back .

So is it game over for all of us?. I guess not because its not the autopilot whose stopped trusting in us , its us who have attempted to break up with it. It’s still there and its always listening ready to pardon us and take us back in. I know this because if even for a minute in my busy day I drop my guards and delve into the Now (where the autopilot lives) i feel instant relief.

So the trick now lies in us making amends with the divine will of our autopilot. Let it do absolutely what it wants to us to do. Let it design our paths , let us think of it as a loving mothers cradle. Let us pledge to understand that our autopilot cant have ill for us in its hypothetical heart. Do you know how I know this?.

Because we and our autopilots are the one and same. We do never want bad for ourselves and that directly means neither does our autopilot.