Hayley Mulenda x Kings Place

Canning Town: Where It All Began

The magic of a journey is the opportunity to experience the different wonders the path provides to you. This article focuses on a young woman who is vehemently blazing her own path as she, courageously and clearly articulates her story; empowering others to do the same.

“As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Our conversation takes place in Canning Town. The place in which Hayley was born and raised. We spend some moments in the hotel opposite the underground station. Nested nicely into a corner with a glass of champagne and some apple juice. My photographer, Marley, and I comment on East London’s aesthetic change. It has been a radical transformation and it is clear to see, as we sit in this swanky hotel, that Canning Town has witnessed this change. Hayley enters accompanied by her beaming smile and infectious enthusiasm. It’s not long before she lets us know the area of Canning Town in which she wanted to have her photoshoot isn’t as glamorous as the hotel in which we’re speaking but has a different kind of beauty. A beauty that she appreciates.

Research strongly corroborates that the most powerful points of a person’s development take place long before the child puts on their blazer and start their first day at secondary school. We speak of Hayley’s defining childhood moments and she speaks of the strong community links she felt with the area she grew up in. She speaks fondly of the sacrifices of her mother: “my mum worked really hard, it was only when she was off work she would pick me up from Primary school.” A story well known by children of first-generation immigrants and working-class parents who in order to put food on the table, often had to do the jobs that were very demanding. Hayley’s dad passed when she was 3 and she speaks of how that brought her to have a closer relationship with her mum and her older brother.

The study of cognitive psychology has made leaps and bounds in recent years, permeating into our social spheres and normalising the practices of meditation, reflection, and therapy. It’s encouraging seeing conversations on social media about people who are deciding to revisit their trauma in an action to provide healing and prevent themselves from sabotaging their future. Research has provided strong corroboration to the fact that childhood trauma if left unresolved can lead to severe issues in adult life. One such example of childhood trauma is the impact of bullying and while many schools are taking a hard line and deciding to introduce anti-bullying units, it still remains an issue for a large number of schoolchildren and students.

Hayley is certainly someone who can understand how the experiences of our childhood and adolescence can impact us as we grow. Hayley experienced bullying for the first years of her secondary school experience. When recalling this event it was clear that while this is something she’s put behind her it was something that severely knocked her confidence for young Hayley trying to navigate her adolescence. After that situation she rationalised, as most students do, that popularity must be tied intrinsically with self-worth — she wanted to be ‘bait’ [a word denoting: popular, well known, in London slang]. However, she realised that in order to be associated with ‘bait’ people it would challenge her as she was very insecure. We set up camp at this idea and soon realised that Hayley, like many other young people, was simply searching for affirmation in her early teens.

Campaigns and Careers

“If there’s one thing I don’t like its injustice.”

It was this sense of injustice that Hayley said would govern her future and career options. “I’m passionate about helping young people so I wanted to become a teacher.” Her passion for young people saw her run for Young Mayor for Newham. Her manifesto which focused on providing a voice to the young people in the borough via mediums such as focus sessions for young people, to feedback their experiences living and schooling, in Newham. An initiative that garnered significant support. She recalls how campaigning with friends in Westfield Stratford inspired her to provide a voice to the voiceless and a commitment to helping the helpless. It wasn’t until a school assembly that Hayley became inspired to speak. While in Year 12 she was in an assembly with Action Jackson (a well known and impactful life coach and speaker) presenting and he posed the question to the audience: “what do you want to do in the future?” Hayley put up her hand and answered: “I want to do what you do but better.” He was so impressed with the answer that he gave Hayley a free signed book and made a commitment to mentoring her. Hayley started blogging motivational pieces with one of her earliest pieces “Inside A Dream” reaching 24,000 views. Her consistency aided her to develop a committed fan base as she was diligently producing blog pieces weekly.

Human beings for the large part are creatures of habit, as technology advances, our needs seem to be for the most part remaining the same. However, technology is dramatically changing the ways in which our needs are met. We discuss how she sought to capture the growing communication that we are now spoilt such as podcasting and video. She lets me know that it was her close friend Darnell who was a videographer who had initially opened her up to the world of video when he asked if they could do an interview for YouTube. The piece caught a large buzz and as a result schools began to invite her in to speak. On the back of that, Hayley began running programmes in her sixth form — where she would teach and run masterclasses, helping young people to navigate the crossroads of youth and early adulthood. As a result of her contributions to the young people she was working with — Hayley won the Jack Petchy award for Outstanding Achievement. Hayley formalised her masterclasses and programmes into a company with the vision of the “young encouraging the young”. As a result of the growing popularity of her programmes she was awarded the BE Mogul award “most influential and most inspirational entrepreneur in the U.K. for under 21s” which was recognised by Mayor of London and 10 Downing Street — receiving media coverage from the Huffington Post.

Throughout the conversation, as Hayley spoke and recounted her story, I was enamoured at her way of demonstrating her ability to learn lessons through all the difficult times she faced. Not only that but she has also been able to effortlessly articulate how those particular experiences have led her to the place that she is now.

In Ijeoma Umebinyuo’s Questions for Ada she cites: “Healing comes in waves and maybe today the wave hit the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling — you are still healing, you are still healing.” For Hayley, it seemed to be that for the entirety of her sixth form experience was one of the waves battering against the rocks. Her unaddressed issues with lack of affirmation inevitably saw her enter relationships she now describes as “toxic”. “I just wanted an identity so I dipped in and out of a few identities; some would work and afford me with the recognition I was searching for but ultimately none of them were me.” Warshan Shire recounts “you can’t make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that.” Hayley agrees with the sentiment and says that she did exactly that with her relationship — “I idolised the person I was in a relationship with. They spoke so much life into me when I started it was them that encouraged me with my website and my public speaking.” She affirms that while it is important to have meaningful relationships that encourage and edify you — what is more crucial is to have built the affirmation of oneself. Despite your flaws, insecurities, and mistakes — there is something profoundly powerful in forgiving and accepting yourself.

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” — Laurell K. Hamilton

Hayley’s experience in her relationships led her to some dark moments in her life. She started having therapy and counselling in her final year of college. She recalls in 2016 her depression reaching a point where it became unbearable. She saw in her first year of university and was suicidal. “I stopped believing in God. I stopped believing in my speaking. I stopped believing in myself.”

“Depression feels like you are dying but you’re alive and no one can see it.”

Commitment to Mental Health

For the large part of our conversation, Hayley’s ability to navigate and discuss her mental health at different periods of her life was both refreshing and encouraging. For someone who for a long time didn’t have the vocabulary or emotional depth to discuss or express aspects of my mental health — I thought it was important to probe deeper into her experiences with mental health. I was keen to get a deeper understanding as to why mental health is so important for her. Her answers were powerful, profound, and personal.

Why is having a grasp of mental health so important?

Hayley: As long as you can breathe, as long as you’re alive, you have health right? Now the same is for mental health. As long as you can breathe, you have health. Mental health is the state of your mind, there’s a spectrum, sometimes you may be feeling down, sometimes you may be feeling really good. The most important things are those that are unseen, when we think about a tree, whenever we see the quality of fruit, sometimes we forget that it’s down to the quality of the root. Everything in our life stems from our mental health but because we can’t see it, it’s hard to see how important mental health truly is. All our decisions are impacted by where we are at mentally and emotionally, this ultimately affects the results we produce in our life too. Mental health is the core of any human being and it’s time we start to acknowledge that. If we want to see the world become a better place we must take the action in ensuring we are talking about our mental health and doing everything we can to make sure we are healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally.

What have been your experiences with depression?

Hayley: Well my experiences started in 6th form but I was way too embarrassed to talk about it, so I was going to counselling but I didn’t tell anyone, even till this day my mum doesn’t know I had a counsellor in school. I was scared people would think I was weak or they would develop a negative perception of me. My mental health didn’t get any better once I attended university, in fact, it started to get quite worrying. I now started to feel a lack of appetite, a lack of motivation, and not only that but I started to encounter thoughts of suicide, my depression started to get really bad and as my depression got worse so did my anxiety. I could no longer leave my room, which ultimately affected my personal hygiene as I could no longer shower or brush my teeth. I stopped eating and soon my depression developed into an attempt to take my life.

I tried committing suicide a few times in university and a few times at home through overdose. I was convinced my life wasn’t worth living and I wasn’t convinced my life wouldn’t get any better. I was in that place for about 5 months, I didn’t leave my house for about 2 months and I didn’t leave my room for about 4 weeks (only leaving when I needed to use the bathroom). My experiences with depression run deep and that’s why I am so passionate about it because I haven’t just faced depression but I’ve seen depression take the lives of loved ones around me too.

What work have you done in regards to mental health?

Hayley: In 2016, I published my first book “The ABCs To Student Success” where I share my story of how I overcame depression and suicidal place through the concept of the alphabet. I use each letter to teach one life lesson that kept me going whilst I was in a really bad place.

As a lover of traditional print, I was keen to discuss Hayley’s writing journey. “The ABCs to Student Success” provides a series of life lessons named after each letter of the alphabet. I became interested to find out which lessons resonated most with Hayley and she said ‘G’ and ‘W’. “G is Get God — it’s my firm belief that you can’t do anything meaningful without God. W is what’s your why — this is the thing that will keep you going.”

“People don’t know where I’m coming from — that’s why I do what I do — so that other people do not have to go through what I went through, or feel that they may have to go through it alone.”

Hayley : After releasing my book, I reached out to every single ACS (African-Caribbean Society) in universities in the United Kingdom and I organised my book tour. I travelled up and down the UK sharing my story and hoping it’ll bring hope to other university students who may be going through what I experienced, I wanted them to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know they’re not alone.

After speaking at around 18 universities in the U.K, I planned another book tour in Uganda. I wanted to go to Africa because mental health in the African community is a taboo, so I spoke to over 300 kids in Uganda, touring over 5 different schools, talking about resilience, mental health, and the power behind vulnerability. Sharing my story isn’t always easy but it’s always necessary. I have had the opportunity to work with both Private and Public Sector when it comes to mental health, either being a keynote speaker for conferences or running workshops, my clientele includes The Cabinet Office, Microsoft, JP Morgan, PwC, Teach First and many more. Till this date, I have had the opportunity to speak to over 40,000 people around the world, at places such as at the Houses of Parliament, Wembley Arena and Oslo Spektrum. I try to be a voice for the voiceless and bring hope to the hopeless, God has given me the opportunity to speak life into others and to share my story and I hope I’ll empower someone else to keep believing in their own.

I really hope to inspire others, whether young or old that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

According to the research, people from black and minority ethnic groups living in the UK are more likely to be diagnosed with mental health problems. With the backdrop of that statement why do you think a lot of minority groups have issues with addressing mental health?

Hayley: I think minority groups can struggle with the idea of vulnerability because it can be seen as a weakness. We need to work to change that perspective.

There is pressure to feel like you have it all together and where there is pressure to look happy rather than actually focus on being happy. For years, those from ethnic minority groups have been conditioned that being strong is our suit and regardless of what we go through we must stay strong and I feel that perception of strength is toxic. We are told we can not cry, we are told that if we are going through something to “deal with it”. We are not really provided with an understanding of how to holistically deal with trauma, how to build resilience and how to be vulnerable which I believe are the most important foundations to have.

Canning Town: Back Where It Started

As I walked with Hayley around Canning Town we wandered around spots that she was able to recreate stories of her youth. Pointing to doors where her friends lived and spots that unfortunately saw the end of a young boy’s life as he was fatally stabbed. She also pointed to a road and said that recently a Tesla had stopped to pick her up for an event to chauffeur her to an event she was speaking at. “I saw people looking outside their windows — it was probably the first time a Tesla had pulled up inside this estate.” It was clear that Hayley is intent on making sure that experience serves as a metaphor for her life:

“Your environment doesn’t have to define you.”

We speak about some of the difficulties she faced when navigating over the last few years. “Coming from the ends I found it difficult to ask for help. You can develop trust issues as you second-guess actions. You start asking yourself do they actually want good for you.” “On reflection, I would advise anyone to not be afraid to ask for help. Everything that I’ve managed to achieve in one shape or another has come down to the help I’ve received.”

“I like Stormzy, there are things about him that demonstrate to me that we are similar.” Hayley’s public speaking career has allowed her a unique insight into the skills necessary for someone to build rapport and trust with an audience. She cites one of the things that makes Stormzy extremely effective is his self-awareness and his ability to be confident across a variety of arenas. “He can relate to us who speak slang but he is also able to articulate himself in arenas where he may not have had much prior exposure to.

“Man are saying that I blew up too fast

man are saying that I came up too quick

Rudeboy look on the YouTube darg

Mandem are putting in a graveyard shift.

Dem man there straight wash.

Brudda don’t blame me, go blame God.”

In a generation where we have become accustomed to instant gratification, we have lost the art of patiently waiting. The Bamboo seed once planted usually spends 3 years in the ground before any sign of it is physically seen but once the tree starts to grow; the growth is extremely rapid. With certain species of bamboo able to grow to a metre within a 24 hour period.

“You might be hearing my name now but I’ve been doing what I am currently doing for years. I just have a bigger platform now.”

Hayley is a testament to the fact that patience, consistency, and hard work form a powerful combination. “You might be hearing my name now but I’ve been doing what I am currently doing for years. I just have a bigger platform now.” When you work on your gift, room is made for you. Your voice becomes influential in a world which can oftentimes seem so crowded. While we are hearing Hayley’s name now. I’m sure we’ll still be hearing it many years from now.