Exit the Rage Cage
4 Ways to Throw Out Emotional Junk
From birth, we’re told we live in a time of advanced human development. Yet, we live in a time when we try to ignore emotions — which are our emotional guidance system that has kept our human species alive for millennium.
Emotions stick with us and drive decision-making, even when facts point to better options. Many people make decisions based on elements of trust, which are entirely bound up in emotions. Those emotions are a part of our evolutionary hard-wiring, a dynamic that forms a good part of our survival instinct. Even as technology and communication evolve rapidly, our social protocol — culture — hasn't kept up.
Emotions are a force of nature — they have to go somewhere, and they are the ultimate mind-body connection. As I’ve come out of physical burn-out, I have also found that unexpressed emotions have profound and usually negative physical effect. So treating one aspect can help the other.
Take smoking, for example. A very gifted therapist pointed out to me that I often smoked cigarettes when I was angry — it was one of the few forms of expression I had to vent frustration. When I ran into a wall while solving data, organizing or coding questions, I would go outside to light up and think. So as my physical body healed, I had to retrain my habits — particularly around expressing negative emotions. Unlocking that connection helped me quit smoking permanently, but I still had to deal with the emotional aspect that triggered the behavior.
If you are offended by swear words, I’d stop reading now.
I’m a kinesthetic learner, which means I learn best by doing things. These activities help me exit the rage cage because they involve doing something physical to process and express emotions:
- Write “anger letters”. Get a few sheets of paper and a pen and write a letter to the person in your life that is a source of anger or frustration for you right now.
Dear asshole,
I don’t know what the fuck your problem is but here’s what’s pissing me the fuck off…… Grievance, grievance ,grievance, you lousy rat bastard, do you have to get a license to be that stupid, etc. etc. Please get your shit together, you idiot excuse for a human being.
Sincerely and fuck you very much,
Me
When you’re done writing the letter, be sure to completely destroy it. This is an important part of the process because you don’t want it floating around — and more importantly — destroying the letter is a useful emotional release. Tear it up into a million tiny bits, run it through the shredder, flush it down the toilet or douse it in lighter fluid and throw a match on it. Torch the fucker and begin the process of removing your negative emotions. Keep repeating the anger letters until you can write the letter without anger or rage.
2. Scream your favorite swear word. I’ve used this technique many times after bad election seasons — nothing cleanses like a nice primal scream. Pick your favorite swear word, find a private space (your car, your pillow, a coat closet) and yell that word for 30 seconds. Nothing is as cleansing as yelling the word FUCK at the top of your lungs. Fuck this stress, fuck this job, fuck this client, fuck losing, fuck these fuckity fuckwits. Not sure if it’s the yelling that forces deep breathing or the pleasing onomatopoeic effect of the vowel, but yelling FUCK soothes like few other words.
3. Smash something. Go to a thrift store, find the ugliest and cheapest dishes available and locate a dumpster . Fling the plate with your meanest curve-ball against the side (and inside) of the dumpster. If a dumpster is unavailable, pick up a pillowcase at the thrift store with the dishes and put the dishes inside of the pillowcase. Find a hard surface (concrete works well — and do this away from other people for safety reasons, mostly.) Slam the pillowcase as hard as you can against the ground. Either technique will yield a satisfying sound. If locating dishes isn’t a viable option, throwing a writing pad against the wall can be a fair placebo (makes a great sound and doesn’t create any permanent damage.)
4. Find a trusted venting buddy. Your trusted friend will not only help release the immediate stress (and delay hasty and usually bad decisions) but the very act can release helpful neurotransmitters that assist our bodies with deal with stress, particularly for women but not limited to just the ladies. Reaching out and talking through your negative emotions reduces the risk of isolation, which is often a factor that leads to self-harming decisions or actions.
The thing these four activities have in common is expression. When I've been able to name the thing that was bothering me and then do something that moves that negative emotion out, I found clarity. I could finally “let go”, take my power back and move on.
If you found this helpful, please hit the Recommend button. Then go smash some plates. You will feel better, I promise.
You can also find more at Radical Health Coaching.
