The Sharing Economy
When I was a kid, when something monumentally bad happened I shared it with my friends. Whether a crush unreturned, a bad grade, being disinvited to junior prom, being grounded, the bad perm or accidentally cutting off the tip of my toe with the lawnmower and having to put off getting my license for six months (yeah these all happened), I worked through my feelings with those closest to me. Same went for the good stuff: finally getting that drivers’ license, making the team, falling in love, getting into college, my first job, meeting the man I eventually married. And then, of course, we shared the fun: the gossip, the endless ongoing talks about nothing and everything. My confidantes were mostly women, but I also had a few awesome guy friends with whom I shared a bond and trusted with my thoughts and feelings and they trusted me with theirs.
Back in the day, though (you know, the 80s), before cell phones, texting, the internet and social media, we shared by telephone, by letters, or in person. The first used generally if it was a late night development, with the need to work through something in fevered whispers, cord pulled around the corner overcoming the fear of my parents’ wrath of tying up phone lines, the second if we were long distance and the last, most precious, whenever we could. Now, many years from both high school and college, my memories of sharing with my friends are strong, often in high color and resolution.
These days, I am a lover of social media, at least of what I know, the Facebooks, Twitter and Instagrams of the world, with a few others thrown into the mix every once in a while. I also love the freedom and access that email, texts and chats provides me with friends and acquaintances near and far, with almost instantaneous ability to connect, reach out, communicate — and hear back.
My kids remind me regularly that I cannot share photos or news or even mentions of them, without first seeking permission. In this not so new world of ultra 24/7 connectedness and sharing, I battle regularly with myself about what and when is an over share, whether I’m being authentic, annoying or promoting my “A reel” and whether all of this connectivity and social media destroys intimacy and friendships or instead, strengthens or perhaps just simply changes what it means to have and engage in our relationships.
All of the above.
I experienced this recently when my husband was diagnosed with metastatic lymph cancer. Numb, angry, overwhelmed and scared, I felt the need to reach out and share, to connect with my friends, family and circle. The out-powering of love and concern made me feel like we’d be okay and reminded me that we weren’t in this alone. We have a community of support, both close by and far away, that cared about us and wanted to help, in all sorts of wonderful ways. With notes, meals, phone calls and visits. Beers and wine and chocolate snuck into his hospital room. Dog care and walks. And prayers and healing thoughts. And straight and loving talk.
A number of dear friends (some met decades ago, some only in the last year) remind me to take care of myself, sharing their own experiences and tough moments, honoring my perspective, letting me beat myself up a bit for all I thought I “should be” doing but also, allowing me to not always be the strong one, that one that fixes things and has it all figured out. Had I not shared my struggle and feelings, I would not be in the place where I am now, both in terms of specific knowledge regarding treatment and doctors, but also in how to best care for my hubby and for myself. Here, I am certainly better for the share and while it made me vulnerable, it also made me stronger. And I’ve learned from many of these same people and from others about their struggles and losses, in addition to their joys and celebrations. I hope, in some small way and sometimes in a big one, that I have helped them back.
So, yes, I am struck again and again by the power of the share with my wide circle of friends, acquaintances and current/former (and perhaps future) colleagues — feelings, views and experiences are put out there and in return, perspective, guidance, criticism, support, humor and love. That is the economy where I see real wealth, real value and where everyone has something important to contribute.
