Holy Spirit Trapped Inside the Heart of Old White Man

In a stunning turn of events Wednesday evening, the Holy Spirit — Breath of God, Divine Inspiration, Paraclete — became imprisoned inside the body of Walter Karnowski, 65, of Gary, IN. Witnesses reported no visible change in Karnowski, but said the incident occurred at the completion of a particularly moving church service.

“There was nothing I could do,” the Spirit lamented, “He prayed the prayer.”

Karnowski ensorcelled the member of the Trinity through a well-worn ritual known as the ABC’s of faith: acceptance, belief, commitment.

“Once he said the words in the right order, it was all over,” reported the Spirit. “He invited me in, and resistance was futile.”

The consequences are shocking: “I mean, it’s not like I wanted this — to be stuck for years inside a lumpy human, awkwardly sitting through racist jokes at Thanksgiving. I had plans! I have a life!”

The Holy Spirit joins the Unrealized Dreams of Karnowski’s childhood and A Tinge of Xenophobia as a co-inhabitant of the baby boomer’s inner being.

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