Grey Hair and a Sulking Smile.
Second love = Hard?
Grey hair and a sulking smile.
I’m broken. My wife left me.
How should I tell you who I am? Am I the portrait of a senior man with a grey moustache? Or the charismatic elderly man reading a newspaper? Or perhaps the ageing man with baldness on his head, enjoying a cigarette? Maybe I’m the fusion of a sulking man with a dog for company.
Who am I?
I’m the person who was in love for many years. I’m an over-thinker who knows I can live without love but can’t stop thinking about her.
I want to achieve a state of peace within myself where I can accept that it’s over and be grateful for all that we had together. I want to be able to look back fondly on the memories we shared, without pain and suffering.
She is a woman who taught me how to love unconditionally and be the giver in the relationship, without expectation, just to be there when needed.
I don’t want to hate her or forget her or pretend we never happened. I just want to be free. Free not from her, but from the idea of me without her. This part is very hard on me — to have a morning routine without her or simply an evening walk without her. It’s not happening yet, but I’m trying to be free again.
I’m mature enough to understand that my wife was not happy with me. I’m narrow-minded when it comes to understanding what women want. I’m sensible enough to share the pain with her. I’m a man who needs a question-and-answer format. I can’t figure it all out by myself. Is this why she left me?
But let me tell you, one last time — it’s not easy to walk away from a relationship or marriage, regardless of gender.
I’m a man in my 50s. It is hard to live alone for the rest of my life. I need a companion who can teach me how to love again, to lead a life with companionship and to navigate hardships together.
The world is hard on women who choose to walk away from commitment, and it’s equally hard on us. A second marriage for a man is not easy, nor is the process of falling in love all over again. It’s not easy, my ladies.
I have a confession to make. I’m sorry, she didn’t leave me. She was suffering, and I wanted to see her happy. I left her.
P.S. I want to be happy again.
Grey hair and a sulking smile look at me — outrageous fellow — I’m Shiri Nice to meet you.
I highly anticipate and request you to Visit home: [https://medium.com/@salandri.shiri]. And give it a read.
If you resonate, then please pass it on to others to join me.
Thank you for reading this. Feel free to share your thoughtful perspective in the comments, see you in the comments.(it will encourage me a lot :)
-shiri
