Late night relationship advice on DM
Instagram DM is a weird place.
A recent conversation on DM with a friend late one night progressed into a full blown critique of the sort of relationships our generation have been engaging in, how far we have fallen, how lost we are. Now considering the conversation started because I posted a meme bashing the Netflix generation for not knowing how to watch tv without a pause button, how we used to fit a bathroom, bedroom and kitchen break all in one and when our sibling would scream “IT’S BAAACCCKKK”, we would parkour over the furniture to get back in time. They know NOTHING, these weaklings. Anyway, how we got onto the topic of relationships, I still don’t know hence my first statement.
I hadn’t given the topic of romantic relationships and love much thought for a very long time; COVID, work and traveling had me so occupied that it didn’t allow for such frivolities and I was quite happy to keep it that way. I was absorbed into every other aspect of life that I became comfortable with it not holding a place within it. I relished in my own company after years of neglecting it by constantly surrounding myself with others. The solitude became addicting.
I watched my friends find partners and navigate the turbulent waters of romance without knowing that I was taking mental notes of what I want and don’t want. So when my friend asked me how I manage being single, I said I have certain expectations and I won’t settle for less (I am filled with much wisdom, thank you for noticing). She proceeded to ask me what I look for in the hopes of setting me up, bless her sweet match-making soul. “Very basic stuff which apparently is quite difficult to come by these days; someone honest, trustworthy, funny and intelligent” was my response. She wholeheartedly agreed and hit me with a hard truth that still has me reeling, “is bare minimum that hard that we have to ask for it?”
We have been led to believe that being with anyone is better than being alone so we settle for whatever little the other person has to offer. That asking for more will be asking too much, hence the rise of “situationships” and toxic relationships. Our generation is chock full of them and we have become so terrified of being unattached that we would rather put ourselves through hell than be single.
Where is the sense in that?
Relationships are supposed to complement your life, not make it difficult. A partner should be someone who respects, values and appreciates you, which is the BASIC FOUNDATION of any relationship. If you don’t have any of these things, you are insulting yourself by staying. You are dating quicksand; they will keep dragging you down, further and further and there is no bottom.
Being alone is infinitely better than being with someone who does not deserve you and treats you as if you are expendable. Do yourself a favour darling and respect yourself enough to not accept anything less than what you are worth. Know the things you want and are unwilling to compromise over, if that means you’ll be single for months or even years, it doesn’t matter. I promise you it will be worth it and you’ll thank yourself (or me) for it.
Getting into or staying in a unfulfilling relationship because you’re scared to be lonely is the same thing as going grocery shopping when you’re hungry.
Now I’m sure you’re very confused so let me explain.
You’ll be willing to buy anything that satisfies your cravings when you’re hungry and will end up spending more money than you should on things you don’t need, are extremely unhealthy and you’ll regret profoundly rather than going when you’re full and satisfied so you’ll be mindful, look for the right things, the ones you actually need and are healthy and nutritious. Do you understand now? I’m sure equating an important life decision to food shopping is unconventional but it’s also genius. Don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry and don’t get into a relationship when you’re lonely- words to live by.
Spend time getting to know yourself on a deeper level, discover what your standards and boundaries are, what you value in life and in a romantic partner. Revel in your solitude and focus on bettering yourself. You will breathe a massive sigh of relief, one that emanates from the deepest recesses of your soul and you will be cussing yourself out for not doing it sooner.
When you feel good, you attract good; this should be a law. When someone exudes self esteem, confidence and self respect, it will deter all unworthy candidates from your direction. The opposite is also true and sadly is much more common. You can radiate loneliness and desperation and like sharks smelling blood in the water, the unworthy will pounce and leave you a broken, self pitying shell. Life is too short for that nonsense, DO NOT PERMIT IT.
Don’t you think there is a reason Shakespeare wrote sonnets? That millions of songs have been written about love? That magnificent art has been inspired by since the beginning of time? You deserve that butterflies in your stomach, moony-eyed, goosebump inducing, heart melting, passionate, growing old together sort of love that poetry, music and art speak about. Don’t settle for anything less.
Don’t settle or go back to less because you’re too impatient to wait for better.
A huge thank you to Jaisha for giving me the inspiration to write after 4 months of silence ❤
