Life doesn’t go according to plan.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

When you close your eyes and look back, did you see yourself here? Did you imagine you’d have this job, these friends, this routine? Did you picture yourself with the same lover, with a future person, with some sort of relationship that was messy, or absolutely perfect and secure?

Chances are, you saw your life a certain way. Maybe your dream was to start a business, to be surrounded by success. Maybe it was to have a family, to find that special person and settle down. Maybe it was somewhere in the mix of all that, possibly in both a relationship and beginning a strong career. Maybe your dream was not about work or relationships at all, but finally coming to terms with the person you are.

And maybe you had it all figured out: university, job, love, self-love. Maybe you thought through the way you wanted your days to go, how you wanted to build, over time, a life you were proud of. Maybe you mapped out the ideal age for having children, for organising a wedding, for leaving the company you didn’t feel connected with.

Maybe you had all these plans and the universe or God or whatever you believe in, thought otherwise.

I’ve always loved order, preparation, making sense of the world around me. Having a plan was the best way for me to look forward. When I knew what I wanted, how to get it, and where to go, I could step forward with confidence. I had a whole plan for my life plotted out by the time I was 15, although life has a knack for ensuring that even the best-laid plans fall terribly short.

The truth of life.

I didn’t manage to accomplish many of the things I had planned and it used to make me feel so inept and useless. I would feel as though I wasn’t smart enough or strong enough to do them and that’s why they didn’t happen. By my own measurements, I had failed. I was revolted with myself.

The world puts so much focus on preparation. In school, we’re fed the lies that if we don’t do exceedingly well, we won’t ever succeed. We’re pushed to be the best student, the best athlete, the best person — but sometimes we don’t know what to push for because we’re just not sure who we want to be. We’re encouraged to pursue relationships, to find “the one”, to never settle — so we’re always scrambling for the next best thing or person, trying so desperately to fill our lives with something that makes sense.

We spend so much time getting ready for this “future”, stressing over what hasn’t happened, and setting plans for what’s next that we forget to live in the moment. We forget to celebrate how far we’ve come. We forget that life isn’t always going to unfold how we want it to, but maybe that’s the most beautiful part.

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

Life had it’s own plans for me; to fall, to break, to be confused, to lose people I loved, to face death, to question myself and my beliefs, to take a job I wasn’t experienced in, to start over completely. I thought my world was completely crumbling a number of times.

But in those unknowns, I rebuilt and learned some valuable lessons along the way which I shall now impart to you:

• Nothing matters; not a large house, not fame or marriage. In the end, we all die. We all will be forgotten. The ones who remember will die someday. And even if you were so famous that buildings and streets were named after you, a time will come when even stone will erode away and all that’s left is nothing. Not humans, not sand.
• But also, now, this moment, matters. Forget about the future and the plans you’re making. Forget the name you want to make and enjoy this moment. Enjoy this self-aggrandising but masquerading as self-deprecating article that I’ve written. Take in the sun. Now, today, live.
• Do whatever you want. By the time you’re 30, you realise that you’re living this life only for yourself. No one else knows what living your life feels like. It’s your duty to yourself to ensure that your existence is one without apologies. Humans make traditions, so if a tradition doesn’t suit you, fuck it.
• All of our collective existence as humans is nothing but a momentary speck in an indifferent expansive universe and the infinity-ness of time. The whole thing is too futile for you to waste it not being who you know you are or doing the things you love.
• Learn new things and unlearn old ones. Don’t hold on to attitudes that don’t let you grow as a person. Ones that do not let you empathise with others and allow you to show kindness to them. Let go of these and make new, better ones.
• Forgive more but weigh the situation first. The truth is, not every grudge you can or should forgive; you can absolutely move on without forgiving. Just don’t let it run your life.
• Work less.
• Eat more.
• Dance.
• Laugh.
• Cry.
• Throw those self-help books away. Don’t give your money to charlatans. You know what? Write your own story; you have just as much experience living as they do.
• Stop worshipping success or the semblance of it. You come off looking like a hungry sycophant.
• Understand that you don’t know a lot of things and at the scale of the universe there’s only little you can ever know. This understanding frees you and helps you approach things with more humility. It also actually encourages you to really learn, not to show off, but for the sake of it, which truth be told, is so much more fun.
• Travel, if you can. If you can’t, watch travel vlogs. You can travel through the stories of others and experience FOMO but on a limited scale.
• Fuck minimalism. Put stuff in your house, unless of course, you’re broke and can’t afford to. But don’t be ashamed to put stuff you really like in your space. It’s a home, not a postmodern art gallery.
• Consume more art.
• Read more books.
• Watch films and TV shows in a language that you don’t speak.
• Some things you tweet. Some things you tell your best friend and closest confidant. Other things you take to your grave. Even the KGB at the height of the Cold War should not be able to get it out of you by torture. Know the difference.
• Live. And I don’t just mean the involuntary exercise of existing. Go out and fill your life with adventure and experiences, even if it’s as small as taking a solitary walk in the forest.
• Question institutions and traditions. Understand for yourself why they exist and decide if they suit you or not.
• Trust experts. There are things you will never understand as well as people who have spent years studying them, no matter how many YouTube videos you watch. It is their job and life’s work to know those things. Vaccines? Trust a doctor, not the forwarded messages you get on WhatsApp from family.

So in conclusion, to all those who had their life carefully planned out and it all went to hell, fear not; take it as a sign that whoever is in charge, God or the universe depending on what you believe in, thought the plan itself was cliché and boring and decided to spice it up.