Dear Women: Is Your Boyfriend Really Yours?

During a recent church service I attended, I listened on as the pastor went on and on about the effect of personalizing prayers. He spoke about how a lot of Christians are very generic and easily made assumptions with their Christianity and how God isn’t a fan of vague things. Of course he went on to support his thoughts with bible verses but that’s not why we are here. Not long after the service, I witnessed a conversation similar to the following:


Chic (seriously crying)

Dude: Ahn Ahn, Chic, what is wrong with you? What happened?

Chic: *Sniff* It’s my boyfriend.

Dude: Your boyfriend? What happened to him? Is he ok?

Chic: No. Can you imagine; the stupid boy dumped me?

Dude: Eh yah… I’m really sorry. Pele, take it easy, you’ll be fine.

Chic: I just don’t understand you men. Why are you like this ehn… Why…

Dude: Sorry o Chic but you know I never knew you had a boyfriend though…

Chic: Ahn ahn, don’t you know Daniel?

Dude: Oh, Dan. Yes now, I know him. I see you guys together a lot but I just didn’t know you had something serious going on.

Chic: What do you mean? How can you say…

Dude: Babe, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be insensitive or anything but you just called him your boyfriend abi…

Chic: Yes now…

Dude: But did he at any point in time ask you?

Chic: Ask me what?

Dude: Ask to be your boyfriend?

Chic: *long hiss* Are you a child? Do people still do that nowadays?

Dude: So you mean, you just assumed you guys were official?

Chic: What else were we if not official? I mean, I used to leave my work every night and go over to his place. I used to cook for this bastard; I even met all his siblings. How much more official do we want to get?


I debated writing this post because I feel like it’s a no brainer but then again, I thought about that pastor’s sermon and decided to bring this up with the hope that we’ll help someone out there today.

I can’t say it enough, call me whatever you want but the truth remains, in my books, everyone remains fair game until they say their vows on an altar before God. That’s me, that’s what I believe as a Christian. For many of us, religion aside, we also have our beliefs but those are always hinged on some form of supernatural being or something serious like that. Now, when it comes to basic stuff like defining a relationship, I do not believe there are any grey areas whatsoever. You are either in one or you’re not. Full stop. Period. The End.

It is so surprising in this day and age where women have successfully made the art of marriage proposal into so much of a big deal that they can take things like defining relationships for granted.

Before I go on, let me quickly address that niggling thought on your mind. There are no guarantees in life. The end point of this post is not that defining relationships will guarantee you anything so you can stop thinking that now.

I have written in the past about what I call the Concept of Free but it seems some of these posts have become dated so I’ve decided to do refreshers on all of them. Anyways, in a nutshell, the Concept of Free is just when you get something thrown at you for free without even knowing it existed before then or without you asking for it. Now, this can occur in several forms and one simple example is the one displayed by the Chic in the conversation above.

Forget all that stuff about guys having big egos and all of that — the truth is if Genevieve Nnaji walks up to most single guys and throws herself at them, they will chop very well. Why? Because it came free BUT if the dude enjoyed it well enough and wants to claim her, there are simple ways to turn the table around and by so doing, service his ego. He will ASK her to be his girlfriend and possibly more. That way, as far as he’s concerned, he made a move, which cancels the fact that she more or less threw herself at him. But please note that a guy will only do this if he has serious future plans for this chic.

I was listening to a radio show the other day where the presenter asked guys how they would react to a woman proposing to them. Most of them said NO but this dude called in and said, if he really likes her and sees himself with her in the future, he will say yes but will still go ahead to come up with a bigger proposal than hers before he considers them engaged.

What am I getting at here? A lot of guys out there are in relationships they don’t even know about because somewhere in the minds of women, they have taken the saying “actions speak louder than words” to heart and maybe this explains why many want the elaborate wedding proposal and wedding ceremonies without stopping to listen to the jargons the dude was mumbling while he was proposing or saying his vows.

As far as I’m concerned, any man who needs your help to determine whether or not y’all are in a relationship, is either not a man or doesn’t just see you as a long term investment into his life so please fix up.

Question time: Is your boyfriend really yours? Did he ask? If he didn’t will you make him ask or there’s just no point since there are no guarantees? For the guys reading, don’t crucify me for exposing us, we tell the women all the time but they never listen anyways maybe you can help me out.