Should We Really Control Who We Fall In Love With?
My obsessive hoarding might just be my most in-depth expertise on love. Trust me, I love my pots, pans, crockery and clothes and I dare anyone to try and part me from them. Gobe shall not be your portion. Based on this, I am probably the least qualified person to talk about whether or not you should fall in love or how you should do it. Sometimes I really believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I barely understand my fellow Venetians most of the time so Martian territory is just beyond me.
Still, I think I can take a stab at this question because the answer is relatively straightforward to me. Asking whether or not you should control who you fall in love with is like asking whether or not you should collect rain water in a sieve. It’s easy to answer because it’s not possible. The question is not about controlling who you love. The question is about controlling what you do about it.
Love is powerful. It is monumental. But it is not everything. Your love will not fix someone else’s problems- as much as we might like it to- or pay your bills or change someone’s religion. Love does not guarantee compatibility, fair treatment or respect. You can fall in love with someone who is not good for you. Most people can testify to that and this really proves that many of us cannot control it. The decision to be made is on how to deal with this feeling. Being in love doesn’t always necessitate being in a relationship. Sometimes, your head has to overrule your heart. I understand Toolsman has touched on this in his post Love This Love That, you might want to check that out.
Am I saying this is easy? No way. However, for your safety and sanity, it may be necessary. Many issues can overshadow love: entrenched religious and cultural differences, for example. I know many cases of couples from starkly different backgrounds who married against all odds, only for their kids to get caught in the middle of a family battle. Grandpa A or even your Romeo suddenly wants to name your child Elizabeth when you have always been set on Medinat and wahala starts. There are few cases where love conquers all but it takes a lot of work, compromise and understanding. It is a huge risk and many do not realise its enormity until those deep differences start to manifest, particularly after children arrive. Love stands little chance when you believe that there is only one way to make Heaven and your children are being led away from it.
My point is that love is not the problem; it’s the decision-making process that follows which we should be concerned about. You can’t help who you love but you can help what you do about it. It may be hard but the support of true friends, alongside whatever else you’re into- ice cream, cake and/or alcohol- will get you through it. We’ve all heard that Naija saying about wearing glasses in spite of love’s supposed blindness. What do you think? Am I being unrealistically logical about this whole thing? Or do you think it’s possible to solve the problem at stage one- just screen your love applicants? Let me know in the comments section.
Post by Funmi O
