Sincerely Sapiosexual? — The Beauty vs. Brains Debate

A few years ago, I met a guy… Well technically, I didn’t ‘meet’ him, it was more of a constant interaction through social media, you know the usual suspects… Twitter DM, Facebook chat, Instagram … The said guy blew my mind. Like literally, my actual brain was on fire every single time I spoke to him and we would have hours and hours of the kind of witty banter that would put Toolsman’s fictional work to shame. Our connection was electrifying and there was no putting down my phone or laptop whenever he was online.

Hours of conversation turned to days and weeks and we shared so much with each other that even though we hadn’t met physically, we felt like we had known each other for years. We talked about everything from school experiences to religion to sex to music leaving no stone unturned. Taking this blossoming friendship into a relationship seemed to be the next logical step for us and the heavens finally granted us the opportunity to meet and see if our physical chemistry was as deep as our intellectual one. It wasn’t. Well… Not on my side. This was when I truly learnt that pictures are the most deceitful things that man ever created and Instagram is the devil’s handiwork. Okay I’m making this out to sound like an ogre turned up instead of my imagined prince charming and that’s not fair. He was actually a decent looking guy but so far from ‘my type’ that I just couldn’t get over the shock of who I saw standing in front of me especially as it wasn’t as if I had no clue what to expect.

My friend put it down to the fact that I was probably looking at the old photos through my love goggles. Either that or I was so busy having perfect brain children that I didn’t bother thoroughly checking the donors file before committing. And sadly once a brain child is born, there’s no taking it back. Anyways, throughout our date I tried hard to put the shallow thoughts floating through my mind to bed and just enjoy our conversation like I always had and that worked perfectly… Until he tried to lean in for the ‘goodnight’ kiss. Ha! That’s a story for another post. After this I kept talking to him but avoided actually meeting up with him as much as possible, after all why spoil my perfect fantasy? I feel ashamed even writing this now but we are in the spirit of over sharing so over share I will. Eventually things ended as they had to and years later I find myself thinking, what would have happened if I stayed. Maybe we could be married with a home full of perfect brain children.

Some people out there in this world are what we call ‘sapiosexual’ i.e. attracted to people of high intellect. I’m sure a lot of people in this world are attracted to intelligent people but the question is how many people have turned down opportunities to get to know a man or woman better because they couldn’t meet their physical demands? Just me? Certainly not. I always used to say of my behaviour “it’s not my fault I like fine boys” till I met the finest fine boy with absolutely nothing in between his ears. Like, nothing. I’m not touting the “fine people have no brains” stereotype by the way but in this particular case, a truer statement has never been made. It sort of reminds me of the “trophy wife” situation where wealthy older men marry a beautiful young woman just for her looks.

Another thing to consider here is age and possibly your present status when faced with this decision. In my case, I was much younger and really wasn’t looking beyond a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but maybe just maybe if I was much older, ripe or very ripe for marriage, I would have seen things differently. Afterall, science has proven that the more you get to know a person, the more physically attractive they become and somewhere at the back of my mind, I remember that most of our parents didn’t exactly marry for love or looks, it was more out of obligation and respect for their own parents who sometimes chose their spouse for them.

Nowadays, with social media, we have all become so expressive when it comes to our physical preferences in the opposite sex. With trends like #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesdays) , #MCM (Man Crush Mondays), all the social media accounts celebrating bearded men, postbadbitches etc, our physical preferences are definitely not hidden. But let’s get out of the social media world and come back to reality, how many chics are in relationships with David Beckam look alikes and how many guys get married to Nicki Minaj prototypes? Fantasies are what they are for a reason and Im not saying we shouldn’t have them but today, I want to know what really drives us when we have to make a choice between beauty and brains in the real world.

In the beauty versus brains debate, which way do you swing? Have you ever made a decision on whether or not to date someone just because they had one in abundance but not the other? Or perhaps you’re asexual…? No? Does age and your needs at the particular point in time influence your decision? See you guys on the flipside!

Written by Reni J