What Will You Do If She Proposes?
Hey Beautiful people,
It was Christmas morning. I had just finished my one and a half hour drive up to my mom’s place. I had barely made into the apartment when one of my cousins looks at me and says, “Omotola, what would you do if a woman proposed to you?”
I froze. It wasn’t necessarily that I was shocked by the question. I’d been asked that question before in my Women’s Studies class in university. I just didn’t expect to be having such a deep discussion when the only thing I was concerned with was trying to stuff my belly with delicious delicious food. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it’s a fair question.
I’ve gotten to that stage in my life where my weekends are full of weddings and rumors of weddings. I went to a friend’s wedding last weekend. On Christmas day alone, I counted 4 friends who changed their Facebook Status to engaged and one who suddenly announced that he too was getting married. Literally as I am writing this piece, another friend just got engaged, so make it 5. Now, in these days of changing ways and so called liberated days, must it always be the guy who pops the question?
Think about it. You’ve been with this person for a while. You spend so much of your time together that it’s like you’ve (un)officially moved in. Basically, by all inward and outward indicators, this P is mutually set for the long haul. If that’s the situation you find yourself in, then shouldn’t the lady be able propose? I pose the question primarily as a thought experiment and I’m not sure how it will play out, so just bear with me as I go through this idea.
Marriage proposals don’t typically come out of the blue. Generally, one or both parties have floated the idea by their partners, which means the proposal itself isn’t so much the surprise as the circumstances behind it, namely, the who, what, where, etc. Since I’ve never seriously proposed or been proposed to, maybe Tula or one of our other betrothed people can confirm that for me. Anyway, that means if both people are aware that marriage is an option, then either party could realistically pop the question.
The way I see it, there are three main reasons for the girl to propose: First, it could be a sign that she is getting impatient with the guy and is effectively giving him an ultimatum by proposing. In short, marry me or else. Second, given the unavoidable gender dynamics that tend to play out in these scenarios, it could also be a sign of the more dominant personality in the relationship is the woman. Lastly, it could just be that the lady knows what she wants and is actively pursuing it. A woman who is proactive about creating the kind of life she wants for herself isn’t all that uncommon anymore.
From a guy’s perspective, there’s two main reasons why a guy could be on the receiving end of a proposal. There’s always the possibility that he might be indecisive, which is a point that came up frequently during my conversation with my cousins. It’s also possible that the guy might be on the receiving end of a proposal, particularly if he isn’t well off.
As strange as it might sound, it’s not unheard of for the guy to be the recipient of a marriage proposal. It famously happened with The Prophet Muhammad and his first wife Khadija. She was a wealthy merchant with a lot of assets at her disposal and he didn’t have anything close to what she had. She proposed first and Muhammad later counter-proposed after consulting with his uncles.
In talking to a few of my guys for this piece, most of them said they would go for the counter-proposal option if it ever came to that. Indeed, that was the answer that I gave back in my Women Studies class so many years ago, but I’m not sure what I would actually do. Objectively, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of the proposal, the end result is still the same. You still end up with the person you want to share the rest of your life with, so a counter-proposal might just be a waste of time. If you ultimately end up with the love your life, then maybe it won’t matter who proposes to whom.
Anyways, you know the deal. It’s time for questions.
Fellas: If your girl proposes to you, would you say yes, no, or offer a counter-proposal. Please explain.
Ladies: Would you ever be the one to do the proposing and why?
