Do I Look Like I Have a Dog?

Taylor Foreman
Sep 14 · 2 min read
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Image for post
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

“Do I look like I have a dog?” barks a woman standing in her own threshold.

“Um,” says the neighbor, clutching at her cross necklace. “Well, yes. For example, your sweater is covered in dog hair.” She shuffles back a step on the doormat that reads, “Beware of dog.”

The woman bites her bottom lip. “I do not have a dog, OK? I never even had a Pug named Justice when I was little.” She clutches the doorknob, ready to slam.

“Look,” says the neighbor, “I don’t mean to upset you. It’s just that my husband is a surgeon and if he doesn’t sleep his hands get shaky.”

“Well, I hope you find out whose dog is barking!” she says. “Cause I don’t have an ‘effing dog, lady!” Behind her, a dog barks once. “Quiet, Charley!”

“What was that?”

“The TV.”

“You call your TV Charley?”

The women eye each other. “Look,” says the neighbor. “I host a church group on Wednesdays with all the other women in the neighborhood. Do you want to come?”

The woman squints. “I don’t know, are they all going to think that I have a dog because you’ve been spreading lies about me?”

“Um…” She clutches her necklace. “They might think you have a dog because of all the barking.”

“I think one of your b-word friends is trying to blame their barking dog on me. I don’t look like I would have a dog.”

“Ok…” the neighbor says. “Do you want to come?”

The woman thinks. “I don’t know, are you going to think I’m a liar if I get a dog between now and then?”

“Excuse me?”

“If I get a dog between today and Wednesday, are you going to think I’m a ‘effing liar?”

“I won’t think you’re a liar.”

“OK, because I was thinking about getting a dog soon, to be honest with you. What’s your policy on bringing dog to your church meetings?”

“…Pro.”

“Cool…” she says. She sticks out her hand. “I’m Marissa by the — “ A dog barking interrupts her. “SHUT UP CHARLEY!”

The New North

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Taylor Foreman

Written by

Writer. Comedian. Storyteller. Somehow getting paid for make-‘em-ups. I help people tell their stories. taylorforeman.com

The New North

// Home of poets and storytellers // Facebook: @thenewnorth

Taylor Foreman

Written by

Writer. Comedian. Storyteller. Somehow getting paid for make-‘em-ups. I help people tell their stories. taylorforeman.com

The New North

// Home of poets and storytellers // Facebook: @thenewnorth

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