Spiral
Its been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Of course, when a person hears this, the phrase is often discarded like yesterday’s newspaper. After that, people go back to their cycle of insanity.
My cycles of insanity are too many to list, but most notably is my ever continuing pursuit of a job. I have one now, I’ve even held down three all at one time, but now I’m finally down to one. This job I have is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s not what I went to school for but its something I can live with for now.
I’ve agonized over finding a job geared towards my major: Journalism and Electronic Media. Earned from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. If school has taught me anything, its not the hard work you put in, but who you know. If I had known that, I would’ve made more of a conscious effort to interact with people. Its comforting to know that no matter how much experience you have its often glossed over by your lack of connections to the company you’re interviewing with.
From writing, to public relations, to some light design work of sorts, each response comes back the same: We have decided to pursue another candidate who better match our needs; however, we will keep your resume on file. Thank you and good luck with your search.
There has been some successes and I managed to get interviews with the companies I sought out, but I wouldn’t be writing this if any of them gave me a job. This isn’t a jaded, angry, rant from a person who is mad at the world and is taking it out by posting it on the internet because evidently that’s how most people take to solving their problems. The truth is, there are people better than me and deserve the positions I applied to and come from different backgrounds that have struggled more than I have. I come from a home where my needs were met and never had to worry about missing a meal on the table, so I can’t complain about life owing me something. The other truth is that I can’t do this anymore.
This is where the idea of spiraling comes in. Its not uncommon for someone to realize that they aren’t able to get into the field they agonize over, but after having zero chances of coming close to a job geared towards my passions, running in circles is what I don't want anymore. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from chasing after their dreams, but instead I want to give those who read this that an idea of how to decipher between chasing something worthwhile and lusting after a dead end.
Relationships, working so hard to change your appearance, feeding addictions, making excuses for why something doesn’t go your way… the list can go on, and on, and on. Most people don’t realize the longer they stay in their spinning wheel of discourse, the insanity gets stronger and won’t go away. It’s like being tied to a steel ball at the legs, and then suddenly you’re tossed into a body of water. The question is can you find a way to get out of it and keep your head above water, or will you drown in it?
