The Feminist Fairy
Tsuki never thought she’d be visited by a fairy, especially a feminist one.
That evening, she was fixing a vegetable soup in her apartment’s kitchenette, a cozy dish for winter. Even more so for Haruto, who couldn’t survive a meal without white carrots, gobos, and daikon radishes. He’s addicted to vegetables, she thought, giggling to herself while slicing the radishes into tiny half moons.
“Hi there,” said a high-pitched voice.
With a squeal, Tsuki spun around and surveyed the apartment, her eyes finally landing on a dwarf girl in a fairy costume. White dress, rose hair bow, paper butterfly wings. She stood on the floor right in front of Tsuki, or rather, under her.
A scream formed in Tsuki’s throat, but she managed to swallow it down. Keep calm. There should be a logical explanation for this.
“I’m the Feminist Fairy,” the little person introduced herself. “I visit women who’ve become too passive and submissive to men.”
Or maybe not.
“Sorry, am I doing something wrong?” Tsuki chose to play along. After all, this had to be a dream. But who dreamed of preparing vegetable soup, or being visited by a fairy who fought for women’s rights? Maybe Tsuki was awake. And crazy.
Instead of answering, the Feminist Fairy pointed to Tsuki’s polka dot apron.
Tsuki followed the fairy’s twig-like finger. “Is cooking a crime?”
“Of course not,” she replied.
“Is cooking every day a crime?”
“Not at all.”
“Is cooking for a man every day a crime?”
“Negative.”
Anger boiled up in Tsuki’s chest. “So, what’s the problem?”
The Feminist Fairy took two small steps toward Tsuki. “Has Haruto ever cooked for you?”
Tsuki gawked at her. How come she knew about her boyfriend? Well, fairies were magical beings. They probably knew about everything. “No. But I’ve never asked him to.”
“But has he offered to do it?”
“Not … really.”
“Right, you know why?” As though offended by the smell, the Feminist Fairy wrinkled her nose to the carrots in the bowl. “Because he thinks cooking is exclusively for women.”
Rage sizzled through Tsuki’s veins. “Listen. First, you break into my apartment, then you criticize me and my boyfriend. You are the one who has a problem.”
Tsuki pointed her finger forward.
To empty air.
With a gasp, Tsuki searched under the sink, under the table, even inside the garbage bin. Nothing. The Feminist Fairy had faded away as abruptly as she had come.
Had Tsuki imagined the whole episode?
Haruto gnawed on a slice of radish, downing it with his Suntory beer. Vegetables and beer. Not a typical mix. But one he enjoyed because half of it came from Tsuki’s hands. Plus it was a balanced diet.
This time, the vegetable soup didn’t taste even. It tasted odd, though Haruto couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Like when someone had spat in your food: you knew something was off with the taste, texture, or temperature, but not exactly what.
“How is it?” Tsuki leaned on the table, her round cheeks on her palms. Being a night student, she rarely had dinner with Haruto, but she enjoyed to cook for him and watch him eat. “It’s fun,” she said once. “Like feeding a rabbit.”
“Supherb as always,” Haruto replied.
“So, you like how I cook?”
“Your food is the reason I wait until night to eat.”
Tsuki’s milk-white face turned into a tomato. “Don’t tell me you’re with me just because of my food.”
“Nah, that’s just the soy sauce of our relationship.”
She stifled a giggle in her hand. “Would you still love me if I stopped doing it?”
“Of course — I’d really love it if you kept doing it, though.”
As if a cloud was passing over, Tsuki’s expression darkened. Even her pale skin seemed to have lost its luster.
This startled Haruto. He’d never seen this side of her. “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”
Tsuki shook her head, failing to send the cloud away. “It’s nothing.”
“Every time a girl says ‘it’s nothing’, a whole lot of something is happening inside her head.”
Tsuki looked to the side, her eyes hunting for an invisible missing object. Her pudgy lips pouting in a way that wasn’t sultry. “Okay. I want to ask you a question.”
Haruto’s T-shirt began to stick to his back. Not a good omen. No one ever said, “I want to ask you something — do you want to make steamy love?”
“Have you ever thought of cooking for me?”
“Cooking for you?” Haruto set his chopsticks next to his bowl. “Not really.”
“Why?” For the first time, Tsuki didn’t flash him loving round eyes, but hostile narrowed ones.
“I-It’s not that I have a reason not to cook,” Haruto stuttered. “It just that it’s never occurred to me to do it.” Haruto offered Tsuki a smile. “But I have a reason now. I’ll prepare something tomorrow. I’ve only made rice and instant noodles, but I can get a recipe on the Internet.”
She shook her head vigorously, as though attempting to chase away an evil spirit. “Please, forget it.”
“It’s okay. I want to do it.” Haruto rose from his chair.
Tsuki stood up from her seat too. “No, I want to do it .”
“But I want to do it.”
“I told you I want to do it!” Tsuki yelled, immediately cupping her mouth.
Haruto also covered his. They’d never fought in their two-month relationship. All right, a few times, but not because of such a trivial matter. To decide who should cook? They might as well have quarreled about the weather.
“Sorry.” Tsuki circled the table and hugged Haruto, pressing her head against his chest. “I’m agitated. I saw something weird today.”
Haruto pulled back, his hands staying on her shoulders. “A person? A shadow?”
“A fairy.”
He let out a chuckle. “So we’re fighting because of a fairy?”
“Um, yes …”
Haruto and Tsuki held a prolonged stare, finally collapsing in laughter against each other. The soup was getting cold, but who cared? He wanted to hold onto this moment of warmth with his girlfriend. A moment that reminded Haruto why he had chosen Tsuki to revolve around his orbit. Or perhaps, he was the one who revolved around hers.
After the late dinner, Haruto accompanied Tsuki to a street in Shinjuku so he could try the banana soufflé pancakes she’d eaten there. Haruto didn’t fancy sweets, but he always welcomed new experiences, especially if Tsuki was in them.
They served the pancakes in a café featuring gleaming pink tables and glossy vanilla walls. Sheeny crimson sofas and glittering yellow lamps. The place didn’t need lighting. It lit itself.
“Cute café, isn’t it?” Tsuki yipped, slumping herself on the sofa.
Haruto sat on his, agreeing with a smile. Though Tsuki’s excitement — with her starry eyes and gaping mouth — was infinitely more adorable.
Wait a minute, how did Tsuki stumble upon this shop? Holed up in a district swarmed with hostess bars and love hotels? It wasn’t en route to Tokyo University or her apartment.
Should Haruto interrogate Tsuki on this? Nah, why ruin the sparkling mood?
The soufflé pancakes arrived a few minutes later. The two bananas resembled spaceships. The ice cream the Earth’s alpine mountains. The sprinkled chocolate the scars of the moon.
“Bon appétit.” Tsuki sank her spoon into the soufflé pancake and shoved the silverware so deep into her mouth it almost disappeared completely. She chewed, eyes closed as if wishing to block all external stimulus.
At last, Tsuki opened her eyes. “Delicious. Try it!”
Haruto nodded and was about to dig his spoon into the pancake when, like a magician, he popped up out of thin air.
The Macho Monster.
Haruto gaped so hard, his jaw nearly dislocated. With his stature, the man’s head brushed the yellow lamps, which were the same color as his hairy monster suit. A contrast to his black, wire-like beard.
“Eating sugar banana?” the Macho Monster said, feigning an effeminate voice. “Oh, couldn’t you pick something gayer?”
Him again? Yesterday, this man-monster had sprung from nowhere while Haruto made love to Tsuki. Or he should say while Tsuki made love to him. His girlfriend — laid-back in every other facet — was highly active in bed. She liked to be the one on top of him at night.
The Macho Monster, as he’d introduced himself, had mocked him about this. “Always on top? You’re such a man. Why don’t you give her a strap-on next time?”
Turning sideways on the sofa, Haruto pointed to the Macho Monster. “Tsuki, do you see him?”
She blinked at him, then in the direction he pointed to. “The clerk behind the counter? What’s with him?”
As last time, only Haruto could see the Macho Monster. Was he a ghost? He looked too ridiculous to be one.
Haruto — fearing Tsuki would think he’d gone nuts — abandoned the topic. “Nothing. He’s quite handsome.”
Tsuki giggled behind her palm. “Don’t look at him. Makes me jealous.”
Haruto smiled. He should ignore the hallucination. The hallucination, however, refused to ignore him.
“You’re eating this sugary garbage to please your girl, aren’t cha?” The Macho Monster tsked. “C’mon. Grow some balls and tell her you’d rather she eats your banana.”
Haruto gritted his teeth. He’s wrong. I’d rather make Tsuki happy.
“Don’t fool yourself,” the Macho Monster said. “You just wanna be obedient to her — be her pet rabbit.”
No way. Could he read Haruto’s mind?
“I’ll tell ya something,” the Macho Monster went on. “If you keep being soft, this chick will go find herself a real man, one who does what he wants. And who does her well.” He guffawed.
Clenching his teeth even tighter, Haruto told him in thoughts, Real man? Look at you. You’re a yellow clown.
“And you’re a pussy.”
“And you’re a monster!”
“What?” Tsuki whimpered. “Who’s a monster?”
He turned back to the table in alarm. Damn, the words had slipped out in anger.
“You mean me?” Tsuki’s plump lips curled down. “But what did I do?”
He waved his palms. “N-no, not you. You’re a princess. A fairy.”
“Are you … all right, Haruto?”
“Yes, yes. I just — have a headache. Ate ice cream too fast.” Haruto glanced to his side.
The monster had vanished. Again.
“But you haven’t touched anything yet,” Tsuki commented.
“Right.” Haruto stared down. The banana pancake had turned into a vanilla lake.
“We should hurry up!” Tsuki lifted her spoon.
Instead of raising his, Haruto sighed and said, “You have it. I don’t have a sweet tooth today.”
“Um, okay.” Tsuki took a spoonful of melted ice cream and licked it with wounded kitten eyes. Perhaps she’d really wished Haruto to try it.
He sprawled out on the table. Maybe I’m the monster.
Tsuki lay in bed with her nightgown on. Normally, she would do it snuggled in Haruto’s warm embrace with only her panties — the aftermath of a sweet session of lovemaking.
Not tonight. They slept so far apart, Tsuki wished she didn’t own a double bed.
Stupid, she mentally scolded herself, why did you invite Haruto to eat banana pancakes? Boys didn’t like that kind of girly — though incredibly yummy — desserts. Next time, she should suggest they go grab a beer. Haruto would fall for that.
“Good,” said a familiar acute voice. “You’re taking the initiative for something besides sex.”
The scare made Tsuki tumbled down to the wooden floor. Sitting on her buttocks, she was face-to-face with the Feminist Fairy.
“You again?” Tsuki blurted.
“Whom did you expect? You’re too big to be visited by the Tooth Fairy.”
With her cheeks heating up, Tsuki said, “Listen, I know you know about everything. But could you please not watch me when I’m, um, being intimate with Haruto? That’s called spying. And it’s illegal.”
The Feminist Fairy took a daring step forward. “Well, tell the police.”
“I should.” Tsuki crawled to the fairy. “Because you’re ruining my relationship with Haruto. Like today, with the vegetable soup.”
“If a relationship can be ruined by a good advice, then it’s a bad relationship.”
“It was perfect before you showed up.”
“How about tonight? It was Haruto who didn’t want to try the banana pancake.”
“It’s nothing …”
“Be honest with yourself.” The Feminist Fairy held her tiny palm to the left side of her chest. “You’re really hurt, aren’t you? Banana soufflé pancakes have been your favorites since childhood. You really wanted your man to taste it.”
“I said it’s nothing.” Tsuki bit back tears.
“Listen, men and women are equal.” The Feminist Fairy put a motherly hand on Tsuki’s knee. “But men are all alike. They only care about themselves. Haruto knew that you loved banana pancakes and that you wanted to share that love with him. Still, he refused.”
Tsuki looked through tear-blurred eyes at the bed. She had fallen from it and Haruto was still curled comfortably like a fetus. The Feminist Fairy is right. All men are the same.
Maybe her little accident hadn’t stirred Haruto’s attention.
But she knew what would.
When Haruto fumbled to his side, he felt something smooth, though it wasn’t Tsuki. But the bed sheet.
Drowsiness gone, he sat on the bed and examined the pale room. Desk, window, wardrobe, heater.
That was everything in it.
“Tsuki?” Haruto called out, but only the humming of the heater replied.
His heart racing, he leaped from the bed and darted into the bathroom. He only saw the toilet, the bathtub, and the mirror showing his straw-like hair.
Where did Tsuki go?
“I told ya,” the Macho Monster said. “She’s going to find herself a real man.”
Haruto fell to the tile floor. He had to tilt his head all the way back to see the man’s face. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting too sissy lately. So your sweetheart decided to be another man’s ‘sugar’. She just sneaked out to meet him.”
Haruto rose to his feet. He only reached the Macho Monster’s hairy chest. “Liar.”
“So where is she?”
Haruto scanned Macho Monster’s grinning face and his own thoughts. The monster was correct. Tsuki had never gone out at dawn. All right. Just once, to the 7-Eleven around the corner. But it was after they’d had a fight (about something he couldn’t for the life of him remember).
What if he didn’t know everything about Tsuki? Like her visit to that red-light district? Perhaps she and the guy went to a love hotel there. And she spotted the banana pancakes on her way out.
“You’re like a god?” Haruto asked. “You know everything that’s happening in the world?”
“Only what happens to you.”
Instead of gritting his teeth, Haruto sighed. He’d done his best to make Tsuki happy. Apparently, that hadn’t been enough.
“Women are like that,” The Macho Monster said. “They want you to understand them, to give them everything. But the moment you do, you become weak in their eyes. They don’t like weak. So they end up dumping you for an alpha male.”
Letting out another sigh, Haruto put on his parka, his chinos, and left Tsuki’s apartment.
As he ambled along the hushed streets, he gazed at the moon. Being the exact same color as her skin, it always reminded him of Tsuki. Guess she wouldn’t illuminate his nights anymore.
Damn, why did the moon have to follow him? Haruto ran. But no matter how fast he moved, he couldn’t get away from it. He might as well run from his shadow.
When his lungs were on the verge of catching fire, he gave up and decided to walk.
Tsuki sat at a table inside the 7-Eleven, drinking milk. For most people, milk helped them sleep; for her, it caused the opposite effect. But still relaxed her. Just like beer for Haruto.
Why hadn’t he called? For the twentieth time, Tsuki picked up her iPhone and unlocked the screen. Nothing. Not even a message.
It didn’t surprise her because Haruto slept like a clam. Maybe she had judged him unfairly. It wasn’t that he hadn’t cared about her. It was just that he hadn’t been awake to do so.
“Good theory.” The Feminist Fairy crawled onto the chair next to Tsuki and popped her lollipop out of her mouth. “But how about now? You think he’s still sleeping?”
“Maybe …”
“Or maybe not. Maybe he woke up and didn’t care where you were.”
A tear fell into Tsuki’s milk carton. “Haruto isn’t like that.”
“Men are all alike.”
“Haruto isn’t a man,” Tsuki snapped. “Haruto is Haruto.”
“Call him. Prove he’s asleep.”
Tsuki let out a hysterical laugh. “You think I’ll fall for your little games? I’m not that insecure about my relationship.”
Okay, maybe a tiny bit.
With the Feminist Fairy’s nod of approval, Tsuki gulped and called Haruto.
He picked up on the first ring.
“Hey,” Haruto said coolly, as cold as the air outside in the streets.
“You’re awake?” Tsuki blurted, quicker and louder than she’d intended.
“Yeah. Like you.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“No need,” her boyfriend replied, maintaining the same chilly tone. “I know where you are.”
“So you’re on your way he — ?”
“Sorry, my battery’s low. I need to hang up.”
Silence. But Tsuki didn’t mind. Haruto was joining her, probably remembering she’d come here when they’d had that fight about — anyhow, fights weren’t worth mentioning. What was worth keeping were the happy moments. Moments that make you smile alone like a fool. Moments that make you fall in love again with the person even after having hated him.
This wasn’t one of those moments.
Tsuki had finished her second carton of milk and Haruto hadn’t shown up yet. Should she call him again? But Haruto’s battery had died.
“Do you really believe that?” the Feminist Fairy said, with a new lollipop dangling from the corner of her mouth.
“Haruto never lies to me.” Tsuki faced the window. The sky had already turned into an upside-down ocean.
“You wouldn’t know. Even if he did it.”
“And you know?”
“Of course. I not only know everything about you but all about the people around you.” With a sly grin, she added, “You want to know where Haruto really went?”
Tsuki squeezed her empty milk cartoon. “No.”
The Feminist Fairy snickered. “Did you forget that I can read your mind?” She pulled out the lollipop from her mouth and waved it around like a magic wand. “Haruto did get worried about you. As you planned. However, he thought you went out to meet a lover.”
“What?” How had that idea infested Haruto’s mind?
“So, he decided to go to a bar and find himself a woman,” The Feminist Fairy went on. “For revenge. And to get new flesh.”
Tsuki shook her head, staring listlessly through the window. “Haruto would never do that.”
“Does Haruto like bars?”
“He stopped going after he met me.”
“Does Haruto like women?”
“Stop it!” Tsuki yelled cupping her ears with balled fists.
But the Feminist Fairy’s words still reached her. “You finally understand, right? Men spend more time thinking with their penises than with their heads. Not us women — we think with our hearts. True, that backfires sometimes. It gets ripped apart, just like yours now.”
Tsuki lifted her gaze to the white ceiling. “You think I should leave him?”
“Not should, must.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll remove him from my life.”
“Good. We’re making progress!”
“And remove you.”
“What?” The Feminist Fairy lollipop cracked between her short teeth. “No, Tsuki would never do that …”
“Why are you surprised? I thought you could read my mind.”
“Only the thoughts I agree with.” The Feminist Fairy brushed the pulverized bits of candy from her costume. “But why?”
“True, Haruto hurt me.” Tsuki pointed her index finger to the fairy. “But you brought me pain, too.”
The Feminist Fairy extended a shaky short arm toward Tsuki. “Wait. If you get rid of me, you’ll become a submissive woman.”
“Right now, I’m being controlled by you,” Tsuki hissed. “So please go away!”
Like the first time she’d met the Feminist Fairy, she disappeared behind Tsuki’s finger.
No, this time was different.
Tsuki had chased her away.
On one hand, she felt glad the Feminist Fairy was gone. On the other, she felt grateful to her. She not only helped Tsuki discover something about Haruto, but also something about herself.
Tsuki stared at the cartoon in her fist. Milk had kept her awake but hadn’t comforted her today.
But she knew what would. At least for a few minutes.
Tsuki walked the already crowded streets of Shinjuku, under the morning sun. She had always loved the sun. Loved feeling its warmth seep into each pore. Loved watching it light up everything around her. But what she adored the most was to smell Haruto’s sunbathed hair. Somehow, it reminded of her past, her present, and her future with him.
A future that would never be written.
Tsuki burst into tears. She was always crying, like a cloud.
Haruto, however, hadn’t thought like that. “You’re not a cloud,” he told her once. “You’re the moon. And your tears aren’t rain, they are stars.”
This memory made Tsuki cry a whole Milky Way. At this pace, she’d never find the café. Where was it? She’d found it in a flash when she came with Haruto. Maybe it hadn’t been her who had taken him there, but the other way around.
Fortunately, her tears dried and the blurry chaos gradually morphed into the establishment she’d been looking for. Finally! She hoped they were open at nine a.m. They did.
At the counter, Tsuki ordered a strawberry soufflé pancake, then headed to the seat farthest from the one she’d sat in the day before. She wanted to avoid stirring any memories connected to Haruto while being here.
That didn’t help.
Tsuki cupped her mouth. Sitting on one of the seat’s sofas was Haruto. He ate a chocolate banana soufflé, his frizzy hair resembling a crown of flames under the lamps. His small eyes glued to his treat as though fearing it would vanish if he looked away.
Blushing, looking down, Tsuki tiptoed to the table and asked, “Can I sit with you?”
Haruto raised his face with an incandescent smile. “Sure.”
Her gaze still on her skirt, Tsuki lowered herself on the sofa. Did he know she would come? And that she hadn’t been unfaithful to him? She had millions of questions and feelings, but not a single way to express them.
Luckily, Haruto spoke first. “I’m sorry. I’ve been having many dumb thoughts lately. Thoughts that almost messed up things between us.” Reaching for her hand and clutching it, he said, “Forgive me.”
Tsuki gaped at him, her lips finally curling up. “I forgive you.”
“All right, enough melodrama.” Gently, he pushed his banana soufflé pancake forward. “Want some?”
With a timid nod, Tsuki picked up the spoon in front of her and pointed at the pancake. “You like it?”
Haruto took a big mouthful, swallowing it with closed eyes. “It’s the best thing I’ve eaten in ages. Soft and sweet like you. Why didn’t you tell me about it sooner?”
“I worried it would be too … girlish for you.”
“I thought so too. But screw it.” Haruto shoved in another spoonful of pancake. “If I have to wear a skirt to eat something as delicious as this, I’d be happy to.” He gazed into Tsuki’s eyes. “Especially if I get to eat it with you.”
Tsuki’s wiped tears again, though this time not cold ones, but warm ones. Not rain. But stars. “So it’s your favorite food now?”
“Second favorite. The first is your vegetable soup.”
Tsuki beamed at him. “Do you want me to make one for you now? It’ll make a good breakfast.”
“Sure you don’t want me to do it?”
“No … I want to do it .”
“But I want to do it,” Haruto insisted.
“I told you I want to do it!”
Tsuki and Haruto stared daggers at each other — finally crumbling into laughter. A laughter that bounced between their lips. A laughter that tickled their hearts. A laughter louder than any fight they’d had.
A laughter that lasted the whole day and night.
To match their stellar love.
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