Best of the Best: To Everything We Lost In 2018
RIP unlimited Tinder Swipes :(
2018 was one hell of a year, that’s for sure. We’ve had some high highs (Gritty is antifa now) and some low lows (let us never speak of the Yanny/Laurel debacle again), and have lost some truly special people and things. Here (in no particular order) is our ode to everything we’ve lost in 2018: you will be missed.
Infinite Likes on Tinder
Seriously, wtf? All I want to do when I log into a dating app is swipe with reckless abandon, and not have to worry about meeting my daily “limit” of right swipes on cute people. March of 2018 saw Tinder decrease the daily “swipe limit” from 120 swipes to, I don’t know, like 20? Don’t punish me for wanting to talk to as many cute people as possible in one day.
IHOP (Briefly)
Let’s all agree to never again speak of the time when venerable pancake institution IHOP briefly changed its name to IHOB, the “b” standing, somewhat inexplicably, for “burgers.” This was all to garner some attention for their new summer menu addition: burgers. Who even goes to IHOP for a burger? I hate capitalism.
It’s not like anyone even really uses Facebook anymore, but this year’s Cambridge Analytica scandal made me feel more secure in my decision to use Twitter as my primary social media account. Goodbye, Zuckerberg.
Grandavidson (aka Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande)
Sometimes the brightest stars burn the fastest. In a celebrity pairing that puzzled many, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson embarked on a whirlwind courtship that ended, rather predictably, after just a few months. While Ariana parlayed her breakup into a smash single (“thank u, next” is a certifiable bop), Pete has had a harder time of things. Here’s hoping the two can reconcile, and give Piggy Smallz the stable home he deserves.
Tumblr Porn
Gone are the good old days of heading to Tumblr to get your rocks off — as of December 2018, the platform will no longer allow NSFW content, which includes nonsexual images of “female-presenting” nipples. RIP all the smutty teenage blogs of the mid-00s, you will be missed.
Common Decency
Remember when everyone wanted to fuck Venom, Tom Brady’s monstrous Marvel character with the prehensile tongue? Yeah, let’s not do that again in 2019.
We’d love to hear from you, too. What did you adore this year? What made you smile? What’s the newest thing to bring into the New Year? Drop us a line at editorial@newstand.com with what you’ve been into.
