Hey lucky ladies and gamblin’ gents, it’s time to up your game in the bedroom with dirty dice. This Valentine’s Day, get your partner the must-have tools for a surprise-filled session of foreplay.
Since the gist is pretty self-explanatory — you roll the dice, perform the action, then rinse and repeat until foreplay is concluded (editor’s note: eww) — you’d think it’d be pretty hard to mess this saucy little game up.
You’d be wrong.
Below is a handy little list of things you should and shouldn’t do with Dirty Dice, that is absolutely, 100%, not rooted in my own personal experience.
- Check if your partner has a history of gambling addiction. If either party is screaming “DOUBLE OR NOTHING” over sexual favors, you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere.
- Do not shout “The die is cast!” every time you roll the dice. This is no time for historical references, no matter how funny you think they are.
- Make sure the dice aren’t cursed. Nothing kills the mood better than a straight hour of blowing on your partner’s ear. Take them to a psychic for cleansing.
- Do not take these to your weekly back-alley craps game. Or at least make sure every player’s cool with it; then enjoy your back-alley sex romp.
- Similarly, do not take these to Dungeons and Dragons campaigns either. No one wants to imagine the sexual conquests of Thrag the Barbarian, Scourge of the Mortal Realm, and Emissary of Destruction.
Keep playtime interesting and unexpected by leaving some of the action up to chance and probability. Buy yours now, un-cursed and available at The New Stand!
