Finding Solace in a Coconut
I have a major ant problem.
Earlier that day I brought a banana back from the cafeteria. I took one bite out of it then left it on my counter. A mere 30 minutes later ants start crawling all over my arms. I peek behind my laptop to discover my banana is now black and moving. The ants had completely covered the banana.
The next 30 minutes proceeded with me frantically scouring Youtube for videos of DIY ant control. Absolutely nothing was helpful. So I ended up putting all of my stuff in Ziploc bags and fumigating my room with mosquito repellent. And it worked… but then a couple days later I accidentally left some cookie crumbs in my room. Now I just live with the ants… and geckos… and whatever that thing is in my closet that makes clicking noises at night.
That is just a little piece of actually how difficult it’s been here.
I keep telling myself that I’m having an amazing time and everything is perfect and my life is great. But… my body is telling me otherwise. I’ve gotten sick twice this week. I’m breaking out. I can’t sleep past 6 am. I have sores in my mouth. I’m grinding my teeth. My body is under a lot of stress. And my mind refuses to accept it.
It’s hard to recognize not everything is perfect. I mean it seems like everyone on social media is having an amazing time at home without you. The other interns here are transitioning perfectly fine. And so why are you the only one who is struggling?
Well trust me, you’re not the only one.
I was the first one here to get sick . I woke up that day with a pain in my stomach and I knew I was sick and should stay in bed. But I forced myself to go out with my friends because I’M FREAKING IN THE PHILIPPINES. Well about a 10 minute walk outside later I was in so much pain I could not go any further. I walked back to the bus station and waited an hour for the bus to take me back to the dorm. That hour was so miserable. And when I finally got back to my dorm I collapsed on my bed. A problem that could easily have been solved with a nice day in bed was turned into a day of me being extremely sick.
I was extremely embarrassed. I thought, I was that one high school kid who just doesn’t have it figured out. And in attempting to be that person who does have it all figured out, I pushed myself way too far. The pressure is extreme. You come to a foreign country and are expected to make lifelong friends and do amazing things and change the world. But that is not realistic. And if you hold onto that image too hard, then you’ll end up disappointing yourself or, in my case, denying how you actually feel.
This week has been difficult. And it’s hard to explain, but it’s not the sickness or weird foods that made it hard. It was just the fact that bad things were happening at all that made me upset.
And this attitude magnifies any bad situation. Something bad happens (which is inevitable) and I get even more upset that my experience isn’t perfect.
So what do we do… (because I know, it’s also not just me)
We change the way we think about things (Ya... much easier said than done).
It was my first day at work. The other two interns and I were kinda disappointed. We were given a lot of grunt work. It was definitely not what we were expecting to do. And on the way back from work, wondering if every day was going to be this boring, we found a coconut. We picked it up, shook it and we could hear the water sloshing inside of the coconut and it was just magical. All of a sudden the three of us were reminded of all these cool little things about being in the Philippines. We put the coconut outside of our dorms so we see it everyday on the way to work and back. The dead old coconut became some weird symbol of hope and comradely. Now every time I see a coconut I get super excited. Their sight just reminds me that 8 weeks is not enough time for me to enjoy a country if I’m so focused on getting this image. In fact, 8 weeks, a year, forever is not enough time… you will NEVER get that image.
I’ve learned to celebrate just really small things. Finally remembering to bring an umbrella to work. Having a good conversation with someone. And of course, my coconuts.
So for all those interns out there who are struggling—or maybe just find a little part of them during the day misses home, find your coconuts! When you’re sweating out on the field or were given another day of grunt work or can’t understand what someone just told you, remember why you’re here. You’re here to learn, enjoy your experiences, get immersed in a culture, meet new people. Use those goals to push through your hard times. In those moments you won’t feel great. But if you accept that as simply part of the package, I promise that in the end it’ll be a magnificent experience. You’ll look back on it and laugh about the strange foods you ate, you won’t remember that there were days you dreaded eating another day of rice. You’ll remember the amazing and profound work you did, and it’ll make the boredom of grunt work disappear. You’ll remember the amazing friends that went on this journey with you, not the nights you felt really really lonely. And in that way we are changing the world, doing amazing work and making life long friends. just… not everyday.
Oh and the reason I know that I’m not alone in this challenge is because I may have been the first to get sick but was definitely not the last. A couple days later I ran out of Pepto Bismol because all the other interns were borrowing it for undisclosed reasons.
