I am what is colloquially known as an ABC: an American Born Chinese. Most of my friends in the US share this same identity. We bond over the same mix of American and Chinese cultural values that we grew up with. However I have yet to find anyone with my background at IRRI and fitting in has definitely not been as easy as ABC.
Many of my friends from the office are Caucasian. Any time we travel to a more isolated place where the natives don’t get many visitors , my Caucasian friends always get pointed out. People point and whisper Harry Potter or Barbie. I can tell it makes them slightly uncomfortable. But it’s kind of weird for me too. The native population maybe feels more comfortable talking to me than my friends. So there have been many times when someone will come up to me and ask me if I’m Japanese or Korean or Chinese. But that’s really only to ask where my friends are from and then they ask me to ask my friends whether they would want to take a picture. I usually end up in these pictures too but no one wants to stand next to me, they want to stand next to my friends. And I understand this fascination. When you see someone who looks completely different than you, you can’t help but be curious.
A lot of people also mistake me for being a Filipino. I get a lot of strangers approaching me and speaking in Tagalog and I don’t understand them. Then they ask me where I’m from and I say “I’m Chinese” because I’ve learned that when people ask that on the street they usually want to know what ethnicity are you. But in IRRI it gets a little more complicated. People ask me where I’m from and I do this awkward fumbling.
-“Umm I’m from America but I’m Chinese. Like I was born and raised in America but my parents are Chinese.”
— “Oh what state?”
-“Umm… I was born in Kansas but I’m from Texas and I’ll be going to school in Pennsylvania so I’ll be living in Philly for the next four years. Where are you from?”
— “Germany.”
The other day I was invited to a dinner party. I was super excited to go and meet new people. When I arrived I realized that it was a Chinese dinner party. Everyone was speaking Chinese and (quite to my parents’ dismay) my Chinese is not as good as it should be. So I was quite uncomfortable at first because I hadn’t practiced speaking Chinese in a while. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a white dude! And I thought to myself “oh good, someone I can talk to easily.” So I walked over and he said hi to me in Chinese! Through the course of the night I learned that his Chinese is much better than mine.
One of the best things about IRRI is that there are people from ALL walks of life here. This place is more diverse than international airports. You walk into the cafeteria and there are SOO many different people. At every table is someone wearing a different type of traditional clothing, or speaking a different language, and eating different things. I’ve meet people from so many different place. One week there were visitors from Africa who came and I was able to speak with them in French! I feel like I’m in a microcosm of the world. IRRI has people from more than 50 different nationalities. It’s insane how many different cultures I get to learn about everyday.
Having to explain my background to different people has magnified the fact that my identity is not straightforward. I’m not really a foreigner here-at least not in the same way my Caucasian friends are. But I’m also definitely not a native here. And as you just learned, I don’t quite fit in with the Chinese population here either. But this complexity is not a weakness. Being from different backgrounds makes me more willing to try new things. I was also the last one out of my friends to get tired of eating rice. I can speak and interact with so many more people because of our shared language (no matter how choppy) and cultural experience. It’s easier for me to understand things from a different perspective. And of course, I fit in a little easier on the streets.
The answer to the question “What are you?” is quite simple. I’m me. No matter how complicated it takes to explain it. After talking to people you realize that you’re ethnicity/nationality matters only as a place to start getting to know someone, but in the end it becomes something that only influences the experiences you have-it doesn’t determine them. There’s no experience unique to being only “American” or “Chinese” or “Filipino”.
I was in the kitchen one day and I struck up a conversation with someone. I asked her where she’s from and she said the US… then Texas… then College Station! The same exact city I’m from. Both of us were so so happy to meet someone from the SAME TINY CITY! College Station has a population of only 112,000 out of a 7.2 billion global population. We’ve been to the same restaurants and worked with the same professors and missed the same things from home.
Being in the Philippines taught me that the world is a huge place and I still have a lot to learn. But being in IRRI has taught me that the world can also be a small place. Having such a diverse background gave me a way to connect with so many different people. Just all being part of the IRRI is already just a bonding experience. People are interested in your background and what it’s like in the country you live in. But at the same time you find shared interests that have nothing to do wit your ethnicity. I’ve talked to people from all around the world and discovered that we ALWAYS have something in common -whether that be the movies we watch, the food we like or the city we grew up in.
