From ‘Trusting’ to ‘Consciously Trusting’ — the shift in the glue that binds relationships
Trust: “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.” — Wikipedia
Consciousness: “the state or quality of awareness or of being aware of an external object or something within oneself.” — Wikipedia
When we ‘trust’ someone, we give them a certain power over us — we ‘rely’ on them to feel safe. What exactly is this ‘safe’ zone that we are looking for? One where our fears and anxieties are not triggered? Or one where we know that even if they are, the other person is not intentionally causing us any form of harm?
But heres the real issue — so many of us are stuck in unconscious behavioral patterns that ‘trust’ breaks as we unconsciously cause hurt to someone we really do not want to hurt. And as soon as we get hurt by someone we trust, our guards go up immediately. Our ‘ego’-self takes over — one that prevents the person from witnessing our vulnerability like they once used to. Boundaries are set and the person who once had the closest access gets distanced the most. This is human behaviour. But operating from unconscious behaviour does not mean that the person intends to hurt you. Its a little bit like blaming a person in coma for not talking to you — its kinda unfair.
Some of us end up unconsciously trusting people without realising they are not on the same page as us and hence end up getting hurt repeatedly.
But whats the way forward then?
Conscious relationships based on consciously trusting each other, where one is aware of human behaviour — of the nuances of their reactions and shadow aspects of ones personalities (the unconscious behavioral patterns). One where ‘feedback’ using clear and non-violent communication is an essential form of expression between partners— where one partner clearly communicates how a certain form of behaviour is not working for them and how the other draws awareness to what the person is trying to communicate — and accepts the feedback as guidance more than an ‘attack’ on them. Such communication is only possible when one has dealt with their own unconscious patterns, else partners end up projecting unconscious behavioural patterns on each other leading to blame games, driven by ego based identities (more on this in ‘Understanding the ego — an antidote to happiness). This form of an unconscious relationship dynamic eventually becomes the most common reason for relationships loosing their essence and vitality. Conscious relationships require work — with the self. One where humility plays a key role — where the relationship is based in genuine feelings of care and love for the other person. One where forgiveness for unconscious behaviour comes easily. Such a relationship is only possible when both partners have drawn awareness to their own shadow sides.
Some dynamics are designed such that the opposite persons behaviour reflects to us that which we need to change most about ourselves — the behavior that causes us maximum pain can be in some cases the best healing as shows us where we need to heal. Different connections serve different purposes — it is upto us to understand what the relationship is trying to teach us — about us. Sometimes, we may be pushed to set boundaries where we were not; in other cases, we may be pushed to put our guards down. Understanding what relationships are reflecting to us is the best way of increasing consciousness and understanding ourselves better. Our soul plan is designed such that the relationships that impact us the most, also bring out the best in us in ways that we may not be able to see clearly at the outset. Its only when we look below the surface can we see that the toughest relationships actually bring out the best results.
Ending relationships can be the toughest choice to make at times — because we are letting go of a container that at some point felt safe, gave us the emotional and spiritual nourishment we needed to bring us to where we are. But holding on to a container that has served its purpose can be a form of ego — an attachment that prevents us from embodying our truth because we are held back by fear/ guilt/ shame. Thats the shadow side of relationships.. its important to end them when holding on becomes toxic. If a relationship is not in alignment with our current truth and is not based in mutual trust and respect from a conscious perspective, it may hold us back from moving forward on our soul plan, thus causing tremendous unhappiness.
Hence ‘trust’ can not be the glue that binds relationships, but conscious trust and truth are the real keepers of relationships within the new paradigm. Trusting that both partners are committed to the truth and consciousness — now thats a firm glue.
