
The Orange Tree and The Rose Bush
When Families Suffer, Children Pay The Toll
ONE
In the land of milk and honey, on a choice plot of land near the sea, lived an Orange tree. The tree was strong and healthy and bore much fruit, desirable to many who passed by. Seasons passed, and the Orange tree gained strength and stature. There were times when the tree indulged in folly and gave in to foolish pastimes, which diminished its appeal and growth. Ultimately, the tree flourished, and relished its contribution to the garden.
Life was good.
A lovely yellow Rose bush grew nearby. The tree and the Rose became very close, and in time they agreed to become one.
“I produce more fruit than is needed,” said the tree, “and if I drop the excess fruit chickens and other animals will come to eat them. There will be more than they will consume, so the rotting fruit will add nutrition to our common soil. The animals will also leave manure. Worms will thrive, and the soil will be rich.”
The Rose agreed, and added, “I will send all my roots toward your shade, where water occasionally pools and helps to process leaves and other material. Together we will prosper, and I will produce an abundance of fragrant flowers to beautify our home.”
This happy plan was their goal, and they dedicated themselves to each other. Orange and Rose grew closer. They built a life together producing beautiful flowers and fruit. The entire garden found joy in their success, and those observing the two would often remark that they made a wonderful couple.
Over time, Orange and Rose were blessed with young trees and bushes. These grew to maturity and left to pursue their own goals and dreams. The tree and the rose found fulfillment and satisfaction in their lives, and in their offspring. Their youngest, Autumn, was a singular beauty, a breathtaking orange rose. Her radiance brought a smile to all in the garden community.
Life was good.
Orange and Rose were beautiful to behold and possessed natural means of protection. The Orange tree formed long singular brills, scattered throughout its trunk and branches. The rose flourished in proliferations of vicious thorns. They seemed to be as abundant as the stars in the sky; they grew in clusters, singly, and abundantly, to protect the Rose from predators who might seek to eat her tender shoots or hips. Rose was mindful to produce ample thorns for her own protection, knowing that they would not likely harm Orange, for the tree was strong, with tough bark on his trunk and branches.
They really did make a wonderful couple. Each did their part to produce a fulfilling life — the tree gave its fruit freely and found joy in so doing. Rose produced beautiful perfumed flowers, and hips to bolster the strength of those who picked them. It was a life to be envied. Indeed, many who observed them admired the couple for their productive lifestyle and the abundance of fruit they produced.
Theirs was a garden of order and love. Life was good.
Passersby would stop to enjoy the fruit of the tree, but it seemed that many more would come to enjoy the roses. They each found joy in these visits, but Orange felt that Rose attracted more visitors. Initially Orange paid this no mind, and Rose basked in the warmth of constant adoration.
Rose never neglected Orange or left his side, but in her heart she thrived on the attention given her by others. Admirers complimented her for her spectacular displays of flowers, and for the aroma produced. Occasionally someone would remark that the Orange tree also had a wonderful smell, and produced exceptional fruit.
‘Thank you’ thought the tree.
Life was good.
One day while musing about the throng of fawning visitors, Orange entertained a mood he had long dismissed — this emotion had tried to intrude many times but Orange had always slammed the door. Insecurity found a crevice in his heart.
“Rose, Rose, Rose!” The whispers and adoration flourished; everyday was replete with flattering praise for Rose! Her flowers and fragrance enchanted the crowds, while a mere smattering of recognition fell to him from the banquet table of Rose-adulation!
“Why is it always Rose they seek? Am I not the regal presence of the garden? Isn’t it obvious that I am worthy of praise? Where are my worshippers?” The thoughts he had rejected so many times had now found root in Orange.
Orange began to view his days through green eyes of jealousy. Feeding this monster, he craved external validation. This was not a conscious decision, but as Orange focused on his own selfish appetites, ego displaced the emotional energy normally spent on Autumn and Rose.
Orange dwelt in the realm of the mind, dismissing any guidance of the heart. Always, his heart had been the sextant and rudder. The heart, after all, has no hidden agenda. It is driven by pragmatic dedication on one hand, coupled with a sure attachment to the North Star of conscience. Orange wandered into paths of self-gratification, his priorities mandated by ego. Once recognized as undesirable, now the bedevilment of ego emerged as Priority One. Orange envisioned life through the fog of egocentricity.
Determined to garner his share of recognition, Orange exploded with endless displays of ambrosial blossoms, produced solely to attract approbation. These matured into a grotesque overlay of enormous fruits, bursting with perfume and sweet nectar. So bountiful were they, Orange could isolate within the cloak of beauty surrounding his core. Many lavished praise for his superior production of such fine fruits.
“This life is very good” concluded Orange, drinking the wine of hubris.
Praise infected his heart. He dined on the cooing of admirers. His day was dedicated to the maintenance of the outward expression of his superiority. Often it was said that his were the best fruits of the garden.
“Yes, they are” Orange agreed.
But the thick covering of colossal fruit blocked the essential rays of the sun. Always, Orange had been strengthened by the rays of sun, but now his leaves were mostly overshadowed by the shield of his own fruits. Focused on his own emotional avarice, Orange had neglected his core, the space where dwelt the Real Orange, the Orange of spirituality. Orange had suppressed and caged this element of his being; his principles had always guarded against pursuit of his present objective: ascendancy of self. Orange had become so engaged in self-promotion that he lost focus on those most valuable in his life. He loved Autumn and Rose, but while gorging the demands of his own appetites, they took a distant second place.
Orange had morphed into grandiosity, a machine of perpetual motion addicted to self-indulgence.
Autumn, puzzled by the change in Orange, feared the worst.
‘He is dying’ she believed.
“Life seems good,” thought Orange; but his heart gnawed at him. Orange yearned for the peace and joy he once knew. Now displaced with the agenda of self-servitude, only shadows remained.
For many days Orange turned inward, reluctantly facing the unavoidable truth that if he were to find true peace, he would have to change.
Of course, Rose had come to this conclusion as she stood patiently rooted beside him. She had endured the emotional hostilities Orange had hurled for so long that she began to doubt he was willing or capable of the mighty reformation required. Suffering due to his neglect, Rose had crafted a plan to uproot and relocate, for Orange had no discernible interest in anyone else.
But in his core, Orange suffered as well. He longed for the emotional intimacy he once shared with Rose and Autumn. He was deeply saddened in the acknowledgment that the divide in his family was of his own creation.
“Life is difficult” he moped, “I am miserable. My heart is broken.”
Orange resolved in this realization that he would do whatever was required. Only if he could achieve emotional and spiritual well-being would it be possible to repair the offended relationships so dear to him.
Confessing his shame, Orange tearfully appealed to Rose and Autumn for forgiveness. Honestly acknowledging his faults unburdened Orange, but Autumn and Rose were now laden with the weight of unvarnished reality. Fears long held in check had been confirmed: the entire family was in jeopardy. Unless Orange could truly change, and Rose and Autumn could frankly forgive, their family might not survive.
Great sadness enveloped Rose and Autumn while Orange did everything in his power to serve them. He knew his wayward path had deeply offended them. Orange was fearful Rose would leave. He did not realize Rose still loved him deeply and did not want to leave — she wanted the Orange she had loved in years past; Rose wanted Orange.
Rose and Autumn released resentments and freely forgave Orange in the hope that unity would return. Rose detected a spark of change in Orange. She could not trust him, yet the overarching yearning of her heart demanded that she stay and observe Orange, in the meager hope that true change would restore sanity in the garden.
So that is what they did, the tree and the bush, they continued forward together. Orange was more grateful than he had ever been to enjoy the companionship and love of Rose and Autumn. But while Rose did stay, she decided that it would be prudent to grow more thorns, stronger and bigger thorns than she had ever made. After all, the tree had betrayed her. And Orange, while she really did love him, was still seen as one who might hurt her.
While Orange focused on cleansing his soul, Rose remained aloof and detached. Within the recent adversarial environment, Rose had formed new relationships to fill the void created by the neglect of Orange. She felt it necessary to guard against the demise or departure of her beloved Orange.
“I must always protect myself” resolved Rose.
Life was good, but not as good as it had been.
Orange was aware of the change in Rose, but he thought it was due to his own shortcomings, and Rose would come full circle soon. So, he persevered. Rose was focused on herself instead of their common welfare. Orange still felt disconnected.
‘It is temporary,’ he reasoned.
Orange showed his love to Rose by doing anything and everything possible for her. He also continued to protect and provide for the family, as he had done for many seasons. Orange found peace in doing the right things. However, in the weighty responsibility of providing for them both, the load was grievous to bear.
His was a life of commitment to Rose, so he did not flinch in his duties — even though at times it was almost more than he could bear.
It was still a good life.
There were seasons of inclement weather and drought. Insects attacked. Some sections of the Orange tree suffered to the point where it became necessary to severely prune, which allowed new growth to replace those portions that had become weak, or which had become useless altogether. Orange suffered throughout this process, but he took comfort in the fact that Rose remained by his side. He provided for their common welfare throughout this period, even though the strain on his systems and resources was tremendous. Many times, Orange did not sleep or enjoy personal comfort, as the toll of life drained his reserves- but he continued to live to his commitment, to protect and provide for the three of them.
Good enough was not sufficient for Rose. She demanded he not only maintain their standard of living, but that he upgrade — even though the way in which they lived was the envy of many.
Orange gathered stones and other resources to beautify the garden. These efforts pleased Rose to some degree, but she allowed herself to become angry with Orange for what seemed like trivial things. Orange was hurt by these attacks, which felt personal in nature, yet he strove forward, redoubling efforts toward what he perceived as their common goals. He did have reserves stored in his trunk, and because he loved Rose so much, and because he knew he had hurt her deeply, he steeled his resolve. But Rose showed no gratitude — nor did she even show any signs of love — despite the overwhelming efforts shown by Orange.
‘These things take time,’ pondered the Orange, ‘I must sharpen my focus.’
He never thought of leaving Rose. After all, his entire life had, and continued to be, committed to her. He continued to endure the humiliation levied at him by Rose, who had become almost completely self-centered. She also had channeled almost all her strength into production of longer and sharper thorns in unprecedented numbers.
‘It is necessary for my own protection’ she believed — even though Orange continued to dedicate his life and resources to his family.
‘Orange seems to be trying, but he still cannot be trusted’ Rose concluded as she corralled the tender feelings once showered on Orange.
Orange became aware that he was increasingly more and more sad, depressed by the lack of love shown to him by Rose.
His main delight was Autumn, so named as a paean to the season in which she entered their lives. Autumn showered Orange with love, which sustained him in his sadness.
But the time came when all Rose returned was criticism, complaints, and willful neglect.
‘Life is tedious and painful’ cried Orange silently in his heart.
‘This must be my fault’ thought Autumn, but she would never say it out loud.
One season Orange suffered severe insect damage. He knew he needed help. The type of help he needed was the love that could only be given by Rose.
‘Surely, she will realize my condition,’ thought Orange, and he anxiously waited for Rose to rally to his side. Sadly, Rose was too involved with her own needs to realize or care about the condition of the Orange. Downhearted, Orange rallied as much as possible to strengthen himself.
‘I am older now, and not as strong as in seasons past. Surely I can overcome these challenges with the help of Rose,’ Orange mulled. Rose not only did not help, she made further demands of him, making it exceedingly clear that if he were to make her happy, they must be met. After all, she had made many demands of him throughout their life together and he had always done all he could to please her — for he loved her only, and loved her deeply. Pleasing her gave Orange a wonderful sense of peace and contentment.
‘Life is difficult.’ Orange dwelt in the shadows of depression.
‘Why are we so unhappy?’ questioned Autumn in her heart.
Orange had depleted his strength. He pleaded with Rose to increase her own efforts toward their common goals and comfort — but Rose turned a deaf ear and a cold heart to his entreaties. Instead she increased thorn production just in case something terrible happened to Orange and she were left alone. All of this made Orange and Autumn very sad.
“I don’t feel safe anymore” realized Autumn, “Our home used to be a refuge, but now it is in the storm.”
Instead of love, understanding, and efforts aimed at mutual benefit, Rose escalated personal attacks and criticisms at Orange. Gone were the days when Orange could depend on an understanding and loving partner to help him through grim times; gone were the evidences and exhibitions of love shown by Rose, and gone, smashed into inert shards of broken dreams, were the fruits of their mutual love, for Rose seemed only to love herself now, and cared little for the problems of the Orange.
“He’s a weakling now, not the beautiful tree of seasons past” she remarked to any who cared to listen. Of course, she did not leave his side, and Autumn was there as well.
‘What will become of me?’ was the constant question on Autumn’s heart.
Rose reasoned that since Orange was no longer the regal presence of seasons past, she must take charge in all respects of their lives — but she was completely unwilling to contribute any of her own resources.
‘Why should I,’ she rationalized, ‘Orange has always shouldered that responsibility.’
Orange made that offer in the beginning, and she saw no reason that it must change now; even though due to her demands, their current life required more effort and expenditure of resources.
‘For 24 seasons he has made it work. I see no reason to change now. Besides, I have my own goals to pursue, and am unwilling to appease the old Orange tree, who is a mere shadow of his former self, the Orange of youth, strong and attractive.”
Life was difficult. Autumn suffered.
Orange and Rose still live with Autumn in the beautiful garden setting which Orange worked so hard to create.
One thing is clear: Orange is no longer willing to suffer her abuse, and he will forge ahead with or without her. It is her decision, as she is the one who has changed, concluded Orange. For what has brought happiness and fulfillment to Orange is unchanged: he is content to serve Rose and Autumn. That is the commitment he made in the beginning, knowing that in so doing, all would benefit and grow in love.
‘Now it is all up to Rose’, Orange concluded.
TWO
Orange spent his days alternating between navel-gazing and self-gratification.
‘The Sun is my comfort’ he felt.
‘Loneliness is my lot,’ was the first thought of Rose’s every morning.
‘I miss the love I once felt from them both’ Autumn thought. She long feared Orange would die — but why Rose would stubbornly ignore his needs baffled her. She envisioned a bleak future, alone. She could not fathom the breadth of their conflict — or why she was the one to pay the heavy toll.
Basking on sunny days, Orange had no need to worry about Rose or Autumn. After all, they bathed in the same warm rays. Some days there was no sun, only a gray dome, or rain. Orange anguished on these days, his every fiber aching for that which delivered satisfaction. Eventually, Orange could not achieve any level of stability or enjoyment that he once felt from the sun’s comfort. Even if it were to shine all day and night, he thought, it is simply not enough.
Orange was empty inside, void.
In meditation one day, Orange realized it was not completely up to Rose- he recognized his responsibility for the growing cleavage in their relationship. Saddened by this thought, he was broken-hearted. If their family were to heal, Orange had to transform and expel the pride ingrained in his heart. Merely arriving at this conclusion brought Orange to a new level of despair.
This dark place was not new to Orange. He was not a stranger to the rigors of life — quite the opposite. Orange was known for his ability to overcome, to innovate and to thrive in harsh environments. But the battles of the past involved overcoming mostly external forces, not the tender conflicts of the soul which confronted him at this moment.
A new sensation, a new emotion slowly permeated Orange. Was it fear? Inadequacy? Reflecting on both the obstacles and the possibilities, Orange felt………..trepidation. Yet it was mingled with hope. At last, he felt, Orange saw clearly. And that clarity demanded action.
Humility, patience and elevated spirituality became his goal instead of blame, anger, and shame. Meekly, Orange sought further clarity, then the ability to accept reality.
Orange surrendered, no longer pitching blame at Rose or other assorted targets. Orange devoutly sought the powers of heaven for strength to change. He realized that a broken heart and contrite spirit could be the fulcrum on which to leverage change. Orange achieved a state of willingness — willing to admit fault and seek forgiveness from those offended by his crude behavior. Energized, a willing heart now held a crumb of faith. Gradually, contrition replaced pride.
In time he felt ready to seek healing, proffering genuine restitution to Rose for his gauche and offensive behavior, which had threatened — even damaged — their mutual peace.
At this juncture Orange approached Rose.
Realizing that he had jeopardized their relationship, Orange tearfully confessed to Rose the nature of his crippled heart. He admitted his own frailties, and while he thought he recognized faults in Rose, still he reasoned that he could change only himself, and must love Rose for the treasure she is. Knowing Rose could not trust him, yet pleading for her patience, Orange felt in his core that he was willing to do whatever was required to make amends for past wrongs. No longer content to accept a sinecure, Orange gathered resolve to change.
Rose stood at the crossroads, torn between the barriers encircling her heart and the sharp yearning of her own broken soul. For many seasons they had been rooted in mutual love and beneficence. Orange pleaded from the platform of true remorse — but of course Rose had seen this frippery before. She longed for the Orange of their youth; the dignified, stately tree she had enjoined in their journey of interdependence and growth.
Hoping against hope, Rose acquiesced. She would once more observe Orange cautiously, firm in hunger for mutual trust. Guardedly, she stood by his side, noting a change here, an improvement there. Trust in Orange gathered and grew as alluvial sands of the sea, single grains heaped into a credible body. Hope turned to cautious optimism, then a mustard grain of trust found its place in her heart. Trust grew to faint whispers of faith.
Soon, Rose would need that faith.
Orange persevered, affecting positive change day after day. One day became two; a week became a month. He labored in his resolve. Weakness morphed to strength; honesty displaced deceit. Willingness formed where arrogance once dwelled, and hubris was banished.
‘It is an ongoing process’ Orange concluded in meditation.
Orange realized evolution into his Best Self would be built in layers, as paint accumulates to become a protective seal. The fidelity and strength of multiple overlays are key to the ability to remain steadfast in resolve.
‘Life is good, but even a good life can be messy,’ he reasoned. Orange persevered to repair the wreckage of his past.
Orange focused on his blessings, while addressing the hurdles impeding family unity. While some of these impediments were simply part of life, others were clearly of his own design. Orange assessed his options, then set about to repair once-strong familial bonds.
“This is LIFE”, he concluded.
Orange cached only the sharpest weapons: honesty, acceptance, forgiveness, humility, service, and commitment. Realizing that each tool has its opposite, Orange cautiously faced each situation, with an eye toward reconciliation and spiritual hygiene. Using the tools he had accumulated, he wielded the keys necessary to overcome daily obstacles.
‘Only if I love myself can I fully love others’ he discerned.
Epiphanies were revealed as Orange surrendered his will, seeking counsel from above.
‘This is the path to peace’ he held. Orange now believed serenity was within his reach. His life was good.
Rose, on the other hand, struggled.
Rose exhibited anger regularly — not the dignified or calm Rose of the past. Initially Orange believed he was the root of the anger, but he held himself in check, realizing that further analysis might yield insights. He discerned heartaches and resentments held by Rose, burdens she might have easily vanquished in other circumstances. Rose had her focus centered in frustration with Orange. Distrust and suspicion rested in the place of confidence and faith. Instability was her emotional lot. An under-girding of animosity tainted her vision; indecision flowed in the currents of her emotions. Anger and resentments grew into a baneful existence. Rose lived in sadness and felt alone — even the change in her beloved Orange did not bring her joy or peace.
Rose was in trouble.
Rose was saddled with emotional turmoil. She packed a personal albatross, the accumulation of anger, stress, and resentments that formed a millstone around her heart. She did not comprehend the scope or urgency of this load. She found herself unable to negotiate the roadblocks and nuisances of life.
Orange began to perceive the suffering in her soul, and realized that it was not enough that his own heart had changed. He had believed that in his own transformation, Rose would find healing as well — but he was wrong. Mired in this quandary, he longed for Rose, for her emotional and spiritual peace. Increased dedication and devotion for Rose strengthened his heart.
‘My life does not exist in a vacuum,’ pondered Orange. ‘I belong to my family.’
Realization itself does not produce positive results, but willingness to acknowledge his own contribution to Rose’s emotional burdens compelled Orange to humbly seek guidance from the source of all creation; the nucleus of all, God. Nuggets of understanding slowly filled the craters of his heart.
Knowing that time and consistency may allow the for restoration of trust, Orange patiently modified his own behavior. In his focus on Rose and Autumn, patience allowed understanding; commitment was his taskmaster.
Rose found a measure of peace where dissonance once ruled. She no longer battled gnawing doubts about Orange, as a measure of trust found place in her heart. She cast her mind back to the days when trust knit them together, wondering if a return to those days could be wrought. She took care to avoid high expectations- falling from the perch of lofty expectancy had cut her to shreds in the past — yet her heart softened a bit here, a tad there.
The path of patient service yielded rewards. In loving himself first, and practicing spiritual and emotional hygiene, Orange gained the strength and integrity to serve Rose and Autumn, leading to the healing of ties which had suffered. Autumn confirmed it one evening, a simple expression of peace that had not been heard for a long time.
“I love being with you both” Autumn cooed as she wedged herself snugly between Orange and Rose.
“Curious”, thought Rose, not comprehending the full scope of Orange’s change of direction. Lack of insight was not a hinderance to her level of inner joy; quite the opposite. As emotional burdens diminished, she held fast to the goodness which enveloped their family. Autumn, who had always enjoyed a special bond with Orange, rejoiced in the renewal of his spirit. Her energy of organic goodness lent strength to them all.
Time and consistency provided the mortar to rebuild broken bonds. Inner peace and serenity was their lot — not to infer that the grind of daily life did not thrust troubles into their path; in fact, life progressed apace: messy, uncertain, and demanding. But the harmony prevailing in the Orange & Rose garden fostered an increase of love, and a willingness to accept the rigors of mortality.
Presently, Orange, Rose and Autumn live in the bucolic sanctuary where their romance blossomed. Some days are cloudy; others are so hot that Orange and Rose sport the withered leaves of solar oppression. Autumn is thriving, as she once again feels the security and stability of the union and bonds of family. Orange and Rose live life in loving, patience, and tolerance. Forgiveness has displaced the dark shadows of blame.
‘Life is good,’ pondered Autumn.
Rose and Orange agreed.
LaMar Going is a writer living in Solana Beach, CA, with his wife Carla and ten-year-old Summer, who makes all the major decisions. There is a huge duffel in the closet stuffed with Happy. Drop in if you’d like some. Thanks for reading.
LLG

