Meet my first Contributor, Priya Jain. She is an ex-journalist and the founder of Mishikrafts, a one-stop shop for customized handmade soaps and chocolates.
Place: Bangalore, India
Occupation: Entrepreneur
Q. Did you expect your life to look like this at this age?
Not with such clarity, but i did want to have my own business before i turned 30.
So it’s on track there.
It’s pretty much what i wanted. I wanted to be someone who worked when i wanted to work. I wanted to have the freedom of not having to say yes to work every single time and i think i have that today.
Q. Did you meet your expectations?
I have met some of my expectations.
When i started MishiKrafts (Mishika, named after my niece) in 2013, i really didn’t expect it to grow so much. It was more of a hobby project. You’re frustrated with your job, you’re feeling so unappreciated at work, that you want to do something different that will let go off all that anger and you don’t see the point of yelling at people anymore, fighting them anymore, so you channelize it. It’s an internal process. Some people write, some go for long drives or leave town. I started making stuff and somewhere, something clicked and now it’s kind of semi-well-known.
You get to feel the… I don’t know the right word for it, maybe middle age.
Q. What was the experience that prompted this realisation?
So, it was not just one thing.
I lost my mom a year and a half ago and then I lost my dog a couple of months ago, so I realized that you just grow and you start depending on people around you.
There is this whole sense of “You are my best friend or you are my close friend.”
You really really start depending on people emotionally and there are times when you feel isolated and you feel like nobody else really connects with you and it could be for any reason. It could be because you don’t work together anymore or you don’t study together anymore.
Dynamics of every relationship changes.
There is a lot to be said about people not communicating.
We are like a bunch of 3 close friends.
The 2 of us, we went through this weird phase, where we felt very disconnected and then you begin to feel a little, you know, this is where it ends.
At 27 or 28, you are suddenly chasing after a career and so is everyone else and it’s perfectly fine.
But then something about a relationship takes a back seat.
It could be anything. It could be your best friend, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your parents. They don’t understand you, they don’t understand why you are not getting married and go as far as randomly invite people and I would not be prepared and you start questioning if you are being taken for granted in relationships.
You always assume that this is the friend that you are going to grow old with, you are going to attend her wedding and she is going to attend your wedding but somewhere those dynamics change a bit.
So, there is a lot of dynamics that shift in the last five years before your 30’s
You suddenly become very nonjudgmental.
“Letting go” happened after my mother’s death. I took it really hard.
I don’t know anyone who is stronger than her. She was a Marwari woman back in the 70’s, really trying to support her family and not getting encouraged, because obviously, you know women are supposed to stay at home.
And something about her doesn’t hit you in the teenage years, as you feel that she hasn’t done something special because you see your friend’s parents working.
You don’t know the kind of stigma she faced and snide remarks of the society.
When she passed away. I knew my life was going to change. I just didn’t think that I was going to come this far. She was a very independent person.
I always felt that if she hadn’t married my father and lived alone, she would have been wonderfully successful.
Somewhere there came that turning point… to break away from that code of conduct. Suddenly it didn’t matter, nothing mattered because the one that mattered is no longer there.
I take death very practically. It is going to happen, but it’s just something that shows you that, there is a door that is closed and there is no going back. So, why not do the maximum that you can do in the time that you have left.
My mom died really young, she was only 56. She was very healthy and one night in her sleep she just *snaps finger*
So you’re like “Ok, this happens to people.”
This may happen to me. I have exactly these many years to live and do what I want.
Q.What has been your most difficult journey?
I think my first job was my lousiest job.
I worked as a new reporter for a community paper. Got paid shit. Absolutely nothing. Worked my ass off.
My best friend was also working with me, which somewhat made everything easier.
Like the pain period you go through before things get better, it was insanely painful but it also teaches you a lot of things.
You really begin to value money. You begin to value your independence.
That first job was a “shattering your illusions” moment but it also taught me about getting my independence in terms of mobility.
I bought my first bike!
The biggest turning point was to understand the importance of money the hard way.
Q.What do you think women in your country need?
Education. They need it.
I’ve visited the rural towns of Rajasthan and Karnataka.
You see the little girls there, they are feisty dragons, but then they grow up and something happens. There is a lot of conditioning that goes on.
Girls are constantly told :
“Don’t laugh too loud”
“Don’t talk too loud”
“Don’t dress like that”
“Be invisible”
“Blend in”
I think its ok to be that pop of color and I think its ok to be told to be that pop of color.
Which I think is something that India is grossly lacking.
My FB feed is full of people who call themselves feminists. Nope, not buying that shit.
Q. Why?
Because they are not really out there doing anything.
You want to empower women “Do something”
Don’t sit in your chair and comment “Those refugees raped women, this is so unfair.”
Yes, it’s unfair and this is something that is happening in your backyard.
What are you doing?
You see a girl walking alone in the night, you can sense the fear.
And I’ve lived in Bangalore my whole life and I have never felt unsafe.
But the last 7–8 years have been insane. Everyone is always talking about rape cases and violations.
And how this girl was caught doing something she shouldn’t have.
Let’s stop judging, you are nobody.
Even if you lack a standard education in a school or college, just knowing that you can tell people to shut up is a greatly liberating.
It’s Ok to say No.
Know your rights.
It’s ok to not be the one to cook home a lot of women. A lot of women don’t even have this choice.
Domestic violence, where do you draw the line?
Q. What is the expectation of a 29-year-old woman in your country?
Be married at least.
Have one kid so that they can pester you about the second one.
The dynamics of the working women are changing. I think people are more open to women who are working.
I think that most of them are told to be married. I’ve been told that I am over the hill more than a dozen times.
Tumko koi ladka nahi milega ( You will not find a guy)
What to do?? I will live alone!
Q. Do you think that you fulfil the expectations of the society of how you should be?
Nope (laughs). Not on any benchmark.
Not married. Doesn’t have kids, has her own business.
Q. If you could go back into the past and meet your 19-year-old self, what would you tell her?
Things are going to get better but do more.
Meet more people, be a little less judgmental.
That would have changed the person I am today. I would have let go of some things years ago.
If you feel like painting, pick up the brush and paint. Don’t wait for another day.
Q. Where do you see yourself at 39?
I would have probably moved to the hills and started living in a cottage.
I am at this stage in my life where I am ok with taking risks.
I would like to be a mentor to the young blood.
I want to see what I can do for other women. This is something very close to my heart.
I wish that my mom had someone to guide her through those initial scared years, when she would have started her career.
Someone to tell her “I’ve got your back, just do what you want.”
Q. Are you happy? If not, what will it take for you to be happy?
That is a very intense question.
I think I am happy in some ways, compared to 2 years ago, when I was happy 40:60 sad, and now I think it is 70:30.
I find my reasons to be sad because you need some grounding.
There is some sense of grounding.
Life is slow.. tik hai(It’s OK), Life is fast.. tik hai (It’s OK).
Now I am just going with the flow.
You go with the flow, but you don’t lose focus on what you want.
Make sure you have your eyes on the goal.
Q. Who’s your role model?
My mom
She has been a really big influence in my life.
What we need is a not a hero we see on screen or hear stories of, We see heroes in everyday life.
There is this theory I have, that every person you meet, teaches you something in life.
Like my friend who has this limitless capacity of being nice and once, when an eagle got electrocuted and fell on a congested road, there were at least a hundred vehicles on the road that ignored it, but he took that bird from a rural area to an animal centre.
He chose to do this with his time.
Their choices define who they become.
Everyday heroes.
And lastly, if there is something that you would like to tell your audience, this is your space…
Be bold, be brave.
You have everything and nothing to lose and it’s still ok.
Let go of negative people.
A lot of people will tell you what you shouldn’t be, shouldn’t do.
Get the No’s out of the way.
Just drop the No’s and the Know-it -all’s.