A sigh of relief?
Or another overwhelming wave of anxiety?
I’m not sure how to feel.
I scrambled to get my thoughts together and prepare for my verbal exam.
My professor called me, and we face-timed for a good 20 minutes before I watched the smile she’d greeted me with fade as she asked me probing questions about different concepts.
I stuttered. I couldn’t look her in the eye as I tried desperately to recall my hastily scribbled notes on different insurance policies. Premiums. Deductibles.
All the words swam in my mind, and I tried so hard to make sense of them.
She looked kindly and patiently back at me.
I babbled almost incoherently, and she seemed to understand that I had no clue what I was talking about.
“Let’s talk again tomorrow,” she suggested. I saw it as her way of offering one last chance for me to redeem myself.
I’ll study hard to make up for what I’ve missed. I need to pass this class. I need to get my degree.
It’s just so hard to concentrate sometimes. The voices in my head get too loud — it’s hard to make sense of it all.
Maybe after I take my medication tonight I’ll be able to prepare more for my exam tomorrow.
Just one more day.

