Tune Out Your Screen — Tune Into Me: Technology, relationships, & parenting
By Jennifer S. Jones, LCSW. My inspiration for this blog post arose when I reconnected with an old friend who works in the world of fast-paced technology, and bent his ear about an uncooked idea I had to create an app to assist first-time parents in attuned, attached parenting. The irony was not lost on us that we were discussing a phone app to track parent-child interaction, and discourage screen time.
I have been concerned as both a therapist, and hopefully, future grandmother, that our new generation of babies are going to have to share their parents’ time and attention with multiple screen faces. The screen face that might scream louder than the cries of infants is the face of the mobile phone screen.
Conor Dougherty’s New York Times article on July 12, 2015, “Put Down The Phone,” stated “people spend close to three hours a day looking at a mobile screen — and that excludes actually talking on the phones. In a recent survey of smartphones use by Bank of America, about a third of respondents said they were ‘constantly’ checking their smartphones, and a little more than two-thirds said that they went to bed with a smartphone by their side.”
While I’m delighted to know that there’s increasing awareness of the potentially damaging effects of excessive smartphone use on healthy adult relationships and work productivity, I wonder if we’ve missed another issue. When we consider the negative impact of being glued to our phone screens…or television screens or computers…. have we considered their effect on our attunement and the secure attachment of babies and parents?
I recently watched a sobering new Nature Valley ad where family members from three generations were asked, “When you were a kid what did you do for fun?” Google it if you’re under your screentime limit ;)
Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is5W6GxAI3c
The oldest generation recounted stories of blueberry picking, growing watermelons, and finding an old sign for a toboggan to sled on…
The middle generation shared going door to door and getting kids to play hide n’ seek, baseball and build forts…
The youngest generation said they liked to go on their phone to text, email, watch video games…3 to 4 hours a day. Which brings me back to Dougherty’s article of viewing a mobile screen 3 hours a day. Many of these children who have learned that they can get emotional relief or connection from a screen are also future parents.
In the July/August 2015 issue of Scientific American Mind, Lydia Denworth’s article, “The Social Power of Touch,” describes the importance of touch in nurturing relationships, where a “newly recognized system, known as affective or emotional touch, consists of nerve fibers triggered by exactly the kind of loving caress a mother gives her child. It is possible that these neurobiological foundations of attachment might play a far more significant role in human behavior than has been recognized, forging connections and increasing out chance of survival. These fibers may also help our minds construct and integrate a sense of self and other, informing our awareness of our own bodies and ability to relate to people around us.”
Apps that can promote limiting screen time allowing for more affective touch and social bonding:
Offtime — offers a way to unplug from your screen for a chosen period of time, where calls, texts, and notifications are blocked. It also allows you to restrict distracting apps, and analyzes phone and app usage.
Moment’s Put down your phone and get back to your life — tracks iPhone and iPad daily usage in minutes, allowing you to set limits on screen time with notifications when limits are exceeded.
Checky — differs from Moment in that it tracks the number of times you check your phone, scoring the number of times a day, and allows you to share this number with others fostering a healthy competition to see who can check their phones the least number of times in a day.
A high school prevention counselor shared that families who were most successful limiting screen time had a drop basket for phones at the door, and required that all phone and computer screens be powered off by a designated time each night.
Graco is marketing a detachable baby carrier that allows an infant to be close in proximity to the mother’s voice and movement while fixing dinner. I am thankful that “more” attuned parenting is on some of the big baby companies radars, encouraging parents to stay more physically connected to their babies.
If we want a world where people are seen and felt as individuals and not “profiles” or “screen friends,” where parents are able to mirror their babies’ facial expressions and delight in their novel discoveries of themselves, where children are hugged, played with and read to, then we need to recognize and address the allure and demands that our phone screens are having on our society and parenting.
Jennifer S. Jones, LCSW is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist in private practice in Austin Texas. She specializes in emotionally focused, systems-oriented psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families. Jennifer’s experienced in collaborating with local physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists and schools in order to facilitate the best course of treatment for clients and client systems when integrated care is necessary. She truly enjoys assisting expectant and first-time parents with bonding and attachment, specifically on establishing a secure attachment with your baby. She’s also experienced in helping mothers with postpartum depression, as well as keeping the parents’ relationship happy, healthy and strong during your child’s first year.
Private practice: 5766 Balcones Drive, Suite 101; 512–380–9090; http://www.jenniferjonestherapist.com/
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