There Are No Words – September 8th
This is being posted on September 10th, with reactions from the 10th noted below.
2015.09.08
Estimated Energy Budget – Grumpy¢/$1.00
9:30AM – A Bit Of Both
This morning I did a very normal Dad thing: took my daughter to school for day one of senior kindergarten. Of course it was with both of her moms and I was worried about getting rain in my stoma (first time out in the rain) so it was also not normal at all. Makes me think of the last lines of Guardians of the Galaxy, really.
Now I’m having breakfast in the Sunset Grill diner, near the Treehouse, before I head home to get my day on. Last year we all came here for a bite and a chat – but then that was the first first day of school for our little girl. This year we all have a lot of of other things going on (I just saw Holly stride by on her way to the office).
Life sure can change a lot in a year.
Be well.
6:30PM – “Be Positive” they say. “Bullshartles” I say.
Being positive sounds like the right thing to say, and the right thing to do. But what does it mean? You’re a person. Sometimes you’re going to be a grouch, or in pain, or frustrated, or frightened, or euphoric, or stoned, or horny, or happy, or sad, or… well, all of it, right? Same goes for your partner, your kids, your parents, your friends.
I don’t think the challenge is to be positive. The challenge is to *be*. Be you, as hard as you can. Bring your whole self – warts and all – to the experience. Don’t hold anything back, because all of it can make a difference. Are you angry? Own it. If you’re Lewis Black, being angry is the core of your very being. For the rest of us it is a mood: an emotion that will pass. You’re more than a mood. While it’s inhabiting your experience you can channel it, you can ride it, and you can use it – or you can try to ignore it, push it down, force it away. But doing that often means the mood rides you.
This is not to suggest that tantrums in the street are the preferred approach to effective healing. This is to suggest that bringing your whole self to the table makes it a lot easier to handle the bad times *and* the good times. If you’re spending your effort holding back the feelings and experiences that are “negative” you’re not going to have any energy left to devote to healing – or to helping those around you.
Be positive? Screw that to a wall with a big old screw. Be strong enough to be vulnerable; be whole enough to be stalwart. Be present enough to be supportive.
Be you, just as hard as you can be.
Oh – and…
Be well.
– j
2016.09.08 – Quiet Desperpression?
Estimated Energy Budget – 60¢
Just two days ago, and the day is a blur (I’m writing this on the 10th). I walked the dogs, organized calendar entries (family coordination) played Pokémon, worked on a Pokémon inventory tracking spreadsheet, and had a home visit about our new adoptee – Jelly, a lovely little rescue dog.
My mood was not great, as noted over the last few days. Reading about how I felt last year at this time was encouraging and discouraging at the same time.
2016.09.10 – Reactions
Estimated Energy Budget – 75¢
It is 10:30AM. Livé is in her room playing. I sent her up to get dressed after breakfast (that took over an hour to eat). The intent was to go out to hunt some Pokémon before the rain starts up. It’s been over an hour, and she’s successfully taken off her nightgown and put on a shirt.
No panties or shorts or anything. Just a shirt.
Of course she’s busy playing with her toys, singing, wandering about in her play world, and generally having a good time. I’m not going to interfere with that just because we will get damp if we hunt later. Livé has a lot of scheduled time now that the school year has started up again. Some unstructured time is just fine.
I’m taking advantage of her immersion in imagination to listen to CBC radio while lying in bed with Jake, and writing up this day.
