Millennial Workers are entitled little shits addicted to tech and Starbucks
They also murdered beer and vacations.
I asked the question What do you think about millennial employees? on Linkedin a week ago. I was curious about the answer, I wanted to know how people really felt. But the thing is, I already knew the real answer. I was looking for an answer to confirm my biases. And boy, did I ever confirm my own personal biases.
Here’s the real truth about Millennial Workers:
Millennials are murderers. They’ve murdered beer. They’ve murdered department stores. They’ve murdered bar soap. And they’ve even murdered vacations.
I would know just how murderous Millennials are.
I would know…because I am a one.
I am an older millennial, a female worker in tech, and I absolutely love killing things. In fact, I just killed something recently. I killed my bank account when I had to pay rent. That fucker never saw it coming.
The Millennial Murder Spree has sprung from the loins of the mass-distribution of information known as The Internet. Millennials grew up suckling on the teet of information all throughout adulthood. Those goddamn boomerang kids. It makes them the most educated generation in history. And it also makes them the most deadly.
Millennials use the internet as a weapon of mass destruction.
Millennials rant about shitty job practices and get themselves made into a pariah and fired, like Talia Jane did, for example. It doesn’t matter that no one felt it necessary to fact-check the information before they jumped up Talia Jane’s ass.
The fact is, Talia Jane posted something online about jobby jobs being baddy bad. Typical of a shitty millennial worker, allergic to working hard for literal pennies. Because she was a whistle-blower, she deserves to be flogged for her sins. (Even though Yelp fixed some of their crap practices afterwards, makes you think, don’t it?) Especially by another millennial who got a job from a family friend after complaining about it to said friend. Cannibalism is the best form of retribution!
Millennials are all like Elliot Alderson from Mr. Robot. They want to hack the planet. And their first victims are things they don’t like, things that waste their time, money-pits, and companies they don’t agree with. They’re voting with their dollar and their twitter handle, and it’s going to collapse the economy.
Millennials are murdering America.
As a Millennial, I absolutely love hurting the economy. As a millennial, it’s my job to dismantle the shitty plutocracy going on, because I’m a skeptic of politics and authority. Millennials are skeptics of the establishment for no reason other than the blatant disregard for human safety and civil rights being proliferated vocally all over the interwebs.
Millennialism is a cult. We’re all sworn in at the age of 14, given our first iPhone, signed up automatically with tumblr, and tasked with tweeting memes all day long. That’ll show the big boys that we mean business. Memes are literally cancer.
America sucks because of Millennials. And all millennials are the same despite growing up in many different technological iterations and cultural landmarks.
They have absolutely no work ethic. These garbage human Millennials are so allergic to work that their median income hovers around the $25,000 range, so you obviously know they aren’t interested in bringing themselves up by their bootstraps. Want more money? Work harder! Or for free!
Millennial poverty is a choice. It’s their lack of motivation. Why would they be motivated to work harder in a soul-sucking job that tasks them with a tremendous workload — most likely an internship — when they’re making so little? It’s their own damn fault for going to college and being in so much debt. No one told them to do that!
Literally wastes of space, Millennials have no value other than to stare at their phones, take selfies on the Instant Grams, and drink Starbucks. That’s the narrative spun by the loudest, most vocal minority.
And that narrative is completely, completely, completely untrue.
As with anything, the vocal minority is absolutely full of shit. Knee-jerk reactions about different types of people, such as that them there tumblr snowflakes and SJWs, are completely steeped in the most blatantly delusional sets of lies. Crafted keenly to assure the user of said jargon-filled lies to stroke their own bruised ego. No real live salient intelligible human person actually thinks millennials are killing America and are the worst.
Emphasis on salient.
Let’s pull back for a second and dig into what people actually said in response to my question. The question shown above, as the main image: What do you think about millennial employees?
I think they (Millennials) are like any other person, they should be looked at as an individual. — Holly MacTaggart, Executive HR Consultant.
It has nothing to do with Generation. Individuals in every generation have different perspectives. And how much does economic environment have to do with it, I ask? — Jeff Blackwell, President, COO, or VP of many prior establishments.
I think employers often use the excuse of “millennial work ethic” as a cloak to hide their own lack if innovation or adaptability to new programs and habits. Saying they suck is way easier (for some) than to analyze the root cause of lack of engagement. — Donald Mrdjenovic IV, General Manager, Wawa, Inc.
Well… millennial employees are the future. Millennial hiring managers are already in place. It is a fact. Every day more and more “baby boomers” are retiring. As an employer or recruiter one must learn to communicate with this generation. Learn what is truly important. They are the future within the areas of service, design, manufacturing, take your pick of industry. Adapt or go the way of the dinosaur. — Joseph Gentile, Account Executive, Westport One.
Human beings of Linkedin came out in mass to answer my question about Millennial Workers. The responses were completely at odds with the overarching narrative, with a few responses typical of the false narrative us young people have been subjected to.
As you can see from all the sources I’ve linked to above, and all the responses I’ve highlighted below that: the ‘facts’ and ‘truth’ being spewed about the entitled little shits known as millennials are completely fake.
Not only are these swirling stereotypes about Millennials not accurate, but many people don’t seem to even believe them to begin with.
If the stereotypes against Millennials are completely unfounded, what then? It’s almost like you can’t paint an entire generation with a broad brush. Huh.
Email me at hello@thereisno.design if you want to drop me a line about your experiences.
Or you can add me on Discord to talk about nerdy things: windows95toasteroven#3745
— Kira Leigh
