Magic: The Gathering
Magical Thinking: Urza’s Destiny
Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look back at the cards and art of Magic: the Gathering, set by set, through the eyes of a casual player. And we’re back with the final expansion of the infamous Urza block: Urza’s Destiny.
Released in June of 1999, Urza’s Destiny concluded the flashback showing the buildup of the Urza/Phyrexia war, with both sides preparing for the eventual conflict. We see Urza practicing eugenics to create the perfect Weatherlight crew and engineering his own soldier race. We also see the Phyrexians creating the plane of Rath and prepping it for the eventual invasion of Dominaria.
But that can keep till later. For now, lets look at some cards. I wonder what White will have for us first:
Oh White, you never fail to disappoint.
Yeah, our first White creature is a literal doomsday cultist who takes the entire board with him when he dies. Actually, it’s worse than that since they get exiled when he dies. I do like how the people behind him don’t seem like they are following him off the cliff. They seem more perplexed and trying to talk him down.
Me and the crew heading down to the club.
Huh. I wonder how this interacts with stuff like the Gods from Theros, who are enchantments but are also creatures some of the time. I guess it doesn’t matter since this has never been reprinted, but I am curious.
DON’T LOOK AT IT, MIRIAM! Okay, got that reference out of the way. This seems like a good card if you have a lot of enchantments in your graveyard. I bet mill decks at the time hated this card.
I think this is how Donald Trump reacted when the NYT revealed his tax returns Ho ho. This was also part of a cycle in this set of lobotomy-style cards that removed a type of card from the game and then all copies of that card.
Okay, what the heck even is a glare? Like the glare off a shiny piece of metal? I mean, it’s annoying, but not something you make a wall out of.
OH GOD THAT SMILE. Jeez buddy, the Joker would tell you to reign it in. That is a smile right there.
Yeah, this is still in the era when they were afraid to make creatures too good, so we got stuff like this. Behold the mighty forces of Blue: Merfolk, Krakens, Djinni…baby birds. Also, if you think a 1/1 soldier being taken down by a rat or a squirrel is humiliating, try fighting to the death against a baby bird.
Metathran are a new creature type (Sort of, they didn’t get an actual creature type till later on), representing the engineered soldier race Urza created to fight the Phyrexians. It’s worth noting they were all killed off during the invasion and are now extinct. Remember that Urza is kind of an asshole? Well we’re ramping up on that now. Although, I wonder if these guys would eventually inspire the Veldaken, who are another blue skinned humanoid race for Blue.
Yeah, even Barrin is done with Urza’s bullshit at this point.
Here’s another cycle from this set: Scent cards, which get stronger when you reveal cards from your hand of the same color. Honestly, they all sound like names for scented candles. My mom loves Scented candles, I bet she’d love a Scent of Brine candle. You got some marketing gold here, Wizards. Way better than putting Negan on a card. Call me.
Davvol was the first Evincar of Rath. I don’t think he’s ever gotten a card of his own, ever, so all we have to know of him is from the cards in this set. Apparently he was some old man who got sick and was ignored and exiled from his town, so he threw in with the Phyrexians. You gotta feel bad for the guy. I’m sorry no one remembered your Birthday, buddy. Come on, give us a smile.
GAAAH. NO. NO. STOP SMILING. SMILING IS FOREVER FORBIDDEN. Man, what is with the creepy smiles in this set?
And here we have another cycle, this time of enchantments which put counters on them and do more stuff as time goes by. As someone whose had infected injuries a lot in life, I can say that the struggle is in fact real. Always have some disinfectant handy people, Dermoplast is your friend.
Hmmm, this one has some potential, but what if, and hear me out, we made it cost four Black, and whenever it takes damage your opponent sacrifices stuff instead. Nah, that would never work, but keep workshopping that one. Tt has potential.
Hey, it’s the creature from festering wound. They actually managed to put a creature from one of the spell cards in the game. Nicely done, Wizards. Also, I have mentioned that Phyrexian Bong technology is on point.
Oh boy, this card. Probably one of the more infamous banned cards. It’s amazing anyone would think this card was ever okay. I mean, basically just refill your hand at will at the cost of your life (which you can regain probably since you’re a black deck). This is just madness. It’s banned in Legacy and Commander, and rightly so.
I love the expression on the thrown goblin like there. That is a “No thoughts, head empty” look. Like utter comprehension failure. Also, I love Cyclops, and I love fling effects in Magic. There’s just something so funny about literally chucking your minions at other players.
There ain’t no party like a goblin party because a goblin party usually ends with several million dollars of property damage and a port-a-potty launched through someone’s window. Still not as bad as the Goblin Markets though (A literature joke, thank you).
Another trope I love are “farmer” cards that wreck the land they encounter. I enjoyed Orcish farmers and settlers, and I like this one as well.
Good, now we can deal with that pesky Wall of Glare. Good thing too. I forgot my sunglasses and it was hurting my eyes. Go get them, Goblin Mason!
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE GAME ISN’T ON YET? I WANT TO CHECK MY FANTASY FOOTBALL PICKS!”
I really like this card, since it can really mess up flash decks and decks that like to hold onto cards and wait, make them play stuff out on curve. And on their turn.
For a second I thought that was a tail, but it’s just her hair. Also I don’t recall elves being so incredibly thin. Like, are you okay there, lady? You got this whole twig aesthetic going on, and I’m not just saying that because you’re wearing wooden armor.
See, now this is a bird I can see kicking your ass. Not like the little baby bird Blue is playing with. We got the big birds here with Green. I approve.
Oh yeah, Green always has the coolest giant monsters. Giant armored spider eating a freaking dragon? Yes please.
I love the look on the furry thing in the back there. He’s like, “Yep. This is what I have to deal with. Every day.”
Hey, it’s C3P0 the Magic card. All we need now is a tiny mobile trash can for Artoo and we can build that Star Wars deck of my dreams.
I’m just gonna let this one stand on its own merits without commentary from me.
Manticores are predominately a red creature in Magic, but they also show up more often as artifact creatures. Of course this is not a Manticore, but a Masticore. Which I assume is a reference to the Mast in its mouth. I do like that it has three mouths too. Not sure how this is an artifact though.
I’m not sure what is going on in this picture. It looks like the Metalworker is blasting the little ones. Is it making them? Programming them? It’s unclear.
And here is Urza, hard at his very morally dubious work. Like, how long did it take for people to figure out Urza wasn’t the best guy in the world?
And here is the only land in the set. Which is okay I guess. Very circle of life, we got the hippo, the moose…..whatever that third creature is. Very pastoral.
And that does it for the Urza block, one of the most overpowered and controversial blocks in Magic, and one that would have dire consequences for the R&D team at Magic, but more on that later. Next we’re taking another diversion into Portal, with a set that you have probably heard about but never seen personally. Yep, hitch up your horse. Next time we’re heading to the Three Kingdoms. Until then, stay Magical.
