From Broken To Bliss

Broken. That’s how I felt after my marriage failed. We were together 17 years, and at the end of it I was left with nothing. No spouse. No money. No house. Worst of all? I was left with no self esteem. Humpty Dumpty here fell off the wall; HARD. Thankfully, I had friends and family who gave me a place to live, a job, and space to vent and cry; this was instrumental in my re-birth.

My renaissance involved 2 plus years focusing on myself and my youngest child. I chose not to date. Not only to get past the heavy baggage in my life, but to remove it. I needed to put myself back together. I needed to heal myself before I could be in the right place to accept love, and give it in return. I finished my undergraduate degree, spent more time with friends and family, and applied for graduate school. My confidence came back through personal successes, and the love of friends and family. I was feeling ready to think about dating again.

Wow, dating has changed! Speed dating, online dating, hookup sites like Tinder and Ashley Madison; enough to scare off the most enthusiastic of love seekers. A dear friend convinced me to give online dating a try for 1 month. Honestly, I didn’t have a positive opinion of online dating then. I thought resorting to finding love on the internet meant desperation, and the probability those relationships were forced. I couldn’t be more mistaken! Everybody was online, and a lot of them were genuinely looking for a fulfilling connection with someone. Given the hectic nature of adult life in the 21st century, there’s seemingly zero time to find, and secure a relationship the old fashioned way.

I went for it. Holy cannoli, it’s crazy out there! I joined my first site, and within 1 day I had 4 dates and numerous “likes,” “winks,” and conversations. I will not bore you with the gory details, but this site was not for me. I was overwhelmed with responses. Some were welcome, but a number were not. It was clear some men just wanted to talk dirty to me, some wanted to try to get in my pants, and the dates I went on proved less than successful for various reasons. I had grown personally and I was determined not to repeat the mistakes of the past. I wanted a quality connection with just one person.

A friend suggested I try a site more relationship oriented and smaller. I wrote an open, honest profile. I answered 100’s of questions to improve the site’s algorithms for a match. I said who I was, and what I was looking for: someone who would support me, and make me feel special. I wanted to feel like a full partner in a relationship.

Success! On day 3 I found bliss along with a deep, and fulfilling love. This man brought all the king’s horses and all the king’s men and he put this Humpty Dumpty together again. I am so glad I took those 2+ years to work on me…

Molly Fulghum Kent is a relationship coach who wants you to experience more love in your life. Read more about her work here at theRelationship.coach

Originally published at therelationship.coach on May 5, 2017.