My Anti-Worry Tool
Worry can be defeated if you slow it down
No matter how successful you are, what job you do, what state your mental health is in — everyone worries.
Worries about that pitch, worries about that job interview, worries about that event they’re going to, worries about meeting that person, worries about deciding not to go to a party you don’t actually want to go to, worries about that dinner they are hosting…
I worry a lot. And sometimes that worry can really take over my ability to get things done, enjoy the moment and generally be a functioning human being.
So I have this mental tool that I employ when I start to feel worried. I think about the thing I’m worried about, and ask myself 3 questions:
If it goes balls-up, will it still matter next week?
If it goes balls-up, will it still matter next month?
If it goes balls-up, will it still matter next year?
If I get to the third question, and the final answer is ‘no’ — I decide to put my worry into a box and yell to myself (or out loud if no one is about): “THIS REALLY DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL”.
If I get to the third question, and the final answer is ‘yes’ — I take a hard look at whether or not I am being sensible in my preparations for whatever it is I’m worried about, realise that the reason I’m worrying is normally because I’m actually not very well prepared, and then yell to myself (or out loud if no one is about): “SORT YOUR LIFE OUT AND FIX IT”.
Most of the time, the answer is ‘no’, and I have to try my best to have perspective and realise that whatever I’m worrying about is simply not worth my brain going into overload about.
Like, who actually cares if you don’t turn up to one party — if your mate still cares in a year, then they’re probably not that great a mate. Who actually cares if you muck up a bit of your presentation — the worst that can happen is people forget who you are, no one is going to crusade around town telling everyone you’re a terrible public speaker. Who actually cares if you go into that meeting and muck it up — if you’re not prepared for it, it’s likely because you’ve not been putting the work in, most likely because you don’t actually care that much, and most likely will be something you will not be able to recall in 12 months time.
When I say: ‘it doesn’t matter’, I’m not trying to encourage everyone to be super flippant and stop taking pride in the work that they are doing and the way they go about their social life. I’m simply making the point that if you worry, you suffer twice — your life has so many different things going on, that mucking up stuff here and there is not only inevitable, it’s crucial if you’re ever to learn.
It’s also worth saying that people care less about what you do than you think they do. I’m not saying no one cares about you — I’m saying people have their own stuff going on, and one person’s mega worry is another person’s ‘oh Gemma wasn’t really 100% today…that’s interesting…better get back to that thing I’m worrying about…oh god what will Gemma think if I muck it up?!’
People end up not doing incredible things not because they’re not capable, not because it’s not right for them, but because worry gets in the way. People end up sitting in some party they feel obligated to attend because they clicked yes ages ago on a Facebook invite, not because they are some kind of social saint, but because they are worried about not making an effort, how much their pal will be annoyed, and not doing enough social stuff this month…stuff that the party host, if they knew, would most likely tell you not to worry about and stay at home anyway.
Keeping worry in check isn’t easy, which is why I have this little tool to try and help me be much more rational in my response.
Worry can be defeated if you slow it down — logic is worry’s kryptonite but it’s your superpower, use it to your advantage.
