THE REVIEWS
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THE REVIEWS

THE REVIEWS EPISODE 33: Monster Party (NES)

Previously, on THE REVIEWS…
Man, fuck this game. I thought it’d be at least decent, but it’s just a piece of shit. Give me back the arcade version. Please.

“Wacky and challenging levels”? That’s got to be the realest shit I’ve read. At least it’s being honest. Holy shit, this game just gave me high levels of PTSD.

I do have another game, though. However, it’s from the Nintendo Entertainment System, also known as the NES. I hope this is a good game.

*takes out Monster Party NES* Lord, please let this be a good game…

I pushed the game cartridge into the Nintendo Entertainment System and started the system up.

Monster Party is an NES game made by Bandai, and it contains all sorts of characters from horror shows and games. However, it is not a horror game at all. It’s just a side scrolling game. This game was actually supposed to be scary. Prototype images of the game shows a darker version of the game, with the main menu screen covered in blood, the enemies looking super horrific, and the first boss being a large man-eating plant with a microphone and speakers, just like Audrey II from Little Shop Of Horrors. The prototype images are also actually for a Japan game named Parody World: Monster Party, but it ended up being an American game with less scary-looking monsters. This game, I’ve heard, is known to be super hard.

Mark & Bert from Monster Party

In this game, you will play as Mark, a young guy who just came back from a baseball game.

“He looked up and saw a bright star.” Alright. Next.

“While he stared at it, the star got bigger and bigger. The beauty of the star made his eyes moist…” M..Moist? I’m sure that’s not a good word to use. It sounded so weird.

“…so he didn’t notice that the star fell and landed right in front of him.” Star…fell…and…landed…right…in…front…of…him? What kind of shit is this? Bullshit? Cowshit? Horseshit? I don’t even know. The star fell? How did stars fall? And it just so happens that it landed right in front of Mark. What a great coincidence.

“It wasn’t a star but a monster” Haha. What the fuck is going on? A beautiful star that is actually a fucking dragon made Mark tear up. Seriously, where is this storyline going to?

“Mark quickly asked, ‘Who are you?’” Casual question, especially when you meet a monster, you know. Next time you see a meteor crash onto the ground, and a bengal tiger appears, just go up to him and ask casually, “Who are you?” I bet the next second you’ll get eaten up.

This monster, named Bert, is a dragon, came down to earth to ask Mark to help him because evil monsters in his world are out of control and he’s afraid to fight them. Oh, what a great reason for Mark to agree to your request. Why ask help from a human with only a baseball bat? Why not ask lions, or superheroes, or even Jesus?

“Don’t worry. With your weapon, you’ll be able to destroy them easily.” With a baseball bat? Really? You can destroy monsters with a fucking baseball bat?!

Noah stands in front of a dog while holding a baseball bat. Noah goes first by hitting it on the head. The dog then barked and started biting on Noah’s left leg rapidly.

“Ahh, my fucking leg!” Noah kept hitting the dog’s head while it bit his leg.

I tried, and it failed, okay? *shows broken leg*

“Mark, my planet is dangerous, so we must act together.” Bert says.

“How?” Mark asked curiously.

“Like thisssssssss!” Bert says.

“Then they fused together.” FUSED TOGETHER?! WHAT ON HOLY FUCKEROO IS THIS SHIT? It sounds so weird. I can’t.

Now, I’m in the first stage of the game, and I don’t start wth full health. The first boss is the Audrey II lookalike, just without the speakers and microphone. He shoots out bubbles (I think) and I use my baseball bat to try and hit him. And finally, I’ve defeated him, with 3 bars of health left. A question mark appears too. I just collected it and moved on. The reason I had litle health left is because I didn’t know the controls. It takes some time to get used to, so have fun trying it out.

Great, I killed a weird two-legs-up monster and got a pill that turned me into Bert. But a few seconds later, I die because the monsters keep attacking. Ugh, now I have to try again.

I pass a big tree and out of a sudden, the game turned from okay to bloody, and the music changes too, to the main menu screen music. Now you know things are going to get creepier from here onwards.

SORRY, I’M DEAD.

“SORRY, I’M DEAD.” The second boss said. Oh, sure. Alright, if you say so, I’ll just collect the question mark and leave then. Why is this here even? A boss admitting defeat at the start of the match? Real clever, Bandai. Why not you do the same to Animal Kaiser too? Use a Normal Rare card and just wait for the boss to be dead, and then say “SORRY, I’M DEAD.”

Please don’t pick on me.

The third boss is a pumpkin headed snowman who tells me, “Please don’t pick on me.” Well, we’re equal if you don’t attack. I can wait for you to give me the question mark…HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You just started attacking me! What the flying fuck?

The snowman says “Please don’t pick on me”, then he starts to attack me like some surprise attack. He’s like “SURPRISE, BITCH!”. Bandai, why are you being so evil to me?

Fine, I understand all games need some kind of difficulty, but oh my, is this game hard as hell. I actually had to replay the first level so many times just to know what to do in order to pass the damn level. And there are still many more levels after this. Oh my, this is one of those games that gives no chance or leniency at all.

Now I’m at the second level, and I used what skills I have picked up from the first level to here. It works pretty good, and I’m impressed. By my own skills, of course. Okay, let’s get into a boss room. Hope it’s going to be okay.

The fuck?! Nani?!

“LOOK OUT, BABY. HERE I COME.” says the giant shrimp…shrimp? Shrimp? SHRIMP?! I don’t remember shrimps as villains in horror movies, Japanese folklore and urban legends. WHY IS THE FRIED SHRIMP A FUCKING BOSS? After that, it turns into an onion ring, and a shish kebab. What is it with this game’s bosses? They’re sure ridiculously uncanny.

As you play this game more, you fight more strange, abnormal, and unusual monsters such as Medusa, Punk Rocker, Rolls Royce(?), the Grim Reaper…the Grim Reaper…

In Stage 5, you come across these dancing zombies who tells me to “Watch my dance.” I, taking precaution this time, decided to kill them but they keep coming back up. I tried a few more times to bring them down but all they do is come back up and do the same dance. C’mon, there must be some cryptic meaning behind this, isn’t it? Turns out you’re supposed to actually watch them dance, and then they’ll die and you’ll get the question mark. WHAT?! Good sense of logic here, Bandai. Motherfucking Pumpkin Snowman tells me to not pick on him, and then immediately attacks the shit out of me. What about the zombies? You were supposed to listen to them and not touch them. I gotta say, man. You got me fooled. I feel like a completely stupid idiot now. Who the fuck am I supposed to trust?

In Stage 6, there’s only one boss, which is a relief, but it is a large maze, and you have to go through doors to find your way out. Normal enemies vary in each level. Like for instance, Stage 6’s enemies are tables, walking pants…tables and walking pants are enemies? At this point, I’m not so surprised anymore. Maybe I’ve seen too much weird monsters from this game.

In Stage 7, there are three bosses, but you can only defeat two of them. If you kill the last one, your key will be gone, and you can’t leave the stage. So what do you do? Commit suicide, of course. Bullshit mechanics.

You know, all of these wouldn’t be so hard if the game is stingy with health pickups, and the enemies and bosses are hard to kill. Sometimes, you will get hit at least once from killing a normal enemy. A normal enemy. That shows how hard the game is. Combined with your low health, and almost no health pickups, you get a tough-as-nails game.

Finally, I’m in Stage 8. I made it all the way here by practising and replaying the old levels because I keep dying. Time to put my skills to the test. In this stage, you start in the middle. So, if you keep going to the right, you’ll find out that you still have one more boss to defeat. You have to go all the way left, and then you will find the door to the last boss of Stage 8. Once you defeat him, you have the final boss of the game. If you ever lose while fighting the final boss, you will start at the beginning of Round 8. That means killing all the monsters in Stage 8 again. Tedious and hard.

When you’re fighting against the last boss, you have to use Mark so that you can reflect the projectiles the boss is shooting back to the boss. If you ever play as Bert here, good luck. You’ll definitely die here. After all these, you’re done with the game. Finally. The ending is cool, too. It’s…kinda satisfying to see the ending. It shows how much effort I put into finishing this game.

Monster Party for NES might be weird, hard and tedious. You might need some time to get used to the controls too. However, this game is also quite fun, to be honest. Yes, it can get very stressful when you are not able to complete a level, but the graphics are great, and you will have that sense of satisfaction when you proceed to the next round. Using two characters in this game is completely unique when this game first came out, and fighting the bosses are fun because all of them have different attacking animations, and some of their designs are really amazing.

This game is definitely an underrated platformer, and if you don’t mind all the weirdness and toughness in a game, then you should try to play this game.

6/10.

What should I do for my next review? I looked around my room. Soft toys? Tomica toy cars? Driver San Francisco? Ugh, I can’t think of anything anymore. I walked up and down in my room, racking my brains to think of something. Unfortunately, that wasted an hour of my time.

Defeated, I sat down on my bed. I took my Jerry Mouse soft toy out and looked at it.

“Jerry, oh, Jerry,” I sighed, “What should I review next? I can’t think of it, can you?” Just at that moment, something hit my head. It then fell onto the floor. I picked it up and looked at it.

“A NES Tom & Jerry game?”

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HexagonCube

Reviewing movies, games and other stuff. I give casual opinions on things too and say what I hate out loud.