The report How To Be Wrong is released today. It is the product of 50 or so people working in funding organisations, public systems and civil society. We read, met, reflected and wrote down ideas over a two year period. The ideas in the report feel useful to those of…

The Relational Worker — The ability to relate is not always prized by the helping professions. Significant efforts have gone into training, techniques, and skills, sometimes pushing aside human and personal qualities. Over the years, I met a dozen of workers whose role has been ‘simply’ to relate to those in difficulty. These workers…

The Relational Worker — Difficulty cannot be deposited somewhere. Left behind, hidden from view, erased from the memory. People do not suddenly feel worthy and able. The process of change — of opening up emotions, disrupting the mind, and growing a sense of agency — does not map onto a theory of change. Relationships…

The Relational Worker — We live in a world of outcomes. What is the outcome of a healthy relationship? If you are a policy maker, you would hope for a reduced need for public services. Maybe for reintegration into society, a job or education. The outcomes of healthy relationships are qualitatively different. They are…

The Relational Worker — Most of the services to which people being helped have been exposed are about what others can do for you. I can get you back in school. I can get you a job. I can treat your mental health. The relationships with the workers I am describing bring the onus…

The Relational Worker — Direct disruption of the mind A worker described to me the difficulty of engaging with people who have been through tough times: The only power powerless people have is saying no, and they use it quite a lot. Actually, they overuse it, they say no to everything, you know? …

The Relational Worker — Slow disruption of the mind Accumulated past difficulty is seeded deep in the mind. It is the foundation for unhealthy templates of self, of what others might do, of a world that deals bad cards. If I do something wrong, people will leave me. No matter what happens, I will never get better. Everybody is…

The Relational Worker — The feeling of being normal, on one hand, and being valued, on the other, rubs off on the sense of self. It is the foundation upon which people begin to reveal themselves. The uncovering of self involves getting out the upsetting emotions, some of which have been forever hidden. …

The Relational Worker — Letting the guard down Entries and exits. Difficulty is littered with entries and exits of people who come in peace and leave behind pain. Over time, the self learns not to reveal to others. It learns how to avoid further hurt. Emotions become impenetrable. It takes time but the first sign of a strong…