How relationships get into the body and mind
The Relational Worker
‘I don’t care how you call me, as long as you treat me right.’
The words of a young person talking to me a few years back. Who will treat her right? Most people in her situation will have pushed away their family members, their close ones. They will have exhausted the patience of social workers and psychologists. And they will be skilled at keeping the police at arms length.
The right person will be another kind of professional. Employed by a voluntary organisation. Their titles will be something like mentor. Youth worker. Outreach worker. Key worker. I will call them workers or helpers. They will be badly paid. Which means other professionals look down on them. Very often they are marginal within the organisation that employs them.
But when the disadvantage is deep, these are the right people. They are life savers. Or better, self savers. Literally.
How to help? The best workers know that this population has challenged the orthodoxy. That standard prevention and intervention, while effective for others, has failed this group. Reaching, engaging, and helping is a continual struggle.
Three reasons why. One, there is so much going on, disadvantage that is deep, disadvantage that is broad, that falls outside of the narrow focus of the standard epidemiological and system classifications of need. Two, public systems cannot deal efficiently with populations who cross administrative boundaries, so most people faced with great difficulty fall through the cracks. Three, the emotional weight of the disadvantage pushes people away from help. By definition, they feel unworthy of help and unable to engage.
Worthy and able.
How do we restore people’s sense of worth and agency over their lives? For the helpers relationships matter. This is not news. Substantial evidence backs the value the workers place on relationships. Relationships double our survival rate. Being connected has value in its own right, providing a sense of belonging and companionship. Rich sources of support. When any of us hit difficulty, we turn to our closest ones, family, friends, partners.
Everything is more pronounced for those faced with the greatest challenges in life. It provides an opportunity to look more closely, listen more carefully and uncover how a relationship changes life trajectories.
