Chapter 16: A Bite and a Bakeover
Veena had not expected Seher to snap like that and scream at the fireworks like she did. Seher was always good at fitting into whatever crowd she was put in. (She knew everybody’s language.) Seher would never snap and scream at a B-school party. So Veena dragged Seher to the bar.
— “You are itching with something, aren’t you?”
— “You.”
— “What did I — ”
— “My head’s been spinning with your comment about me having a type since brunch kal.”
— “And you waited till now to tell me? If it is bugging you so much, go talk to any of the guys here. They are all completely the anti of your type.”
Right then, a guy (in a red and green striped t-shirt and a white jacket) waiting at the bar for his drink smiled at Seher. “Hello.”
— “Hello.” Seher managed an almost complete but fake smile at him. It was one where only her facial muscles moved to make a smile but her eyes didn’t.
— “What are you drinking?”
— “Nothing.” Seher turned to the bartender and asked for a whisky. Veena kicked Seher’s foot. This made Seher turn back to the guy. “I’m sorry, I just like to order my own drinks. Thanks, though.” Then she turned to Veena once again. “Happy?”
— “Hi, what are you drinking?” The guy immediately shifted his attention to Veena.
— “Vodka with cranberry juice,” Veena dragged the tip of her shoe against the floor. Seher looked at her to ask for permission to blow him off. Veena shook her head.
— “A vodka cranberry for the lady.” The guy said to the bartender as he continued talking to Veena. “So how do you know Vishal?”
— “Oh, my boyfriend and Vishal work in the same place.”
— “I work at Frank Capital myself. Who is your boyfriend?”
— “Anand.” Veena pointed to the four people standing on the balcony.
— “Oh, yes. I know Anand well. I’m good friends with his boss.” The guy who had the exact same position in the same company as Anand, by now, had developed a complete blindspot for Seher.
— “This is my friend Seher.” Veena noticed the blindspot. “She is Associate Culture Editor at A Magazine.”
— “Yeah? That’s nice. My office has a subscription to A.” He stopped leaning against the bar. “I like the stuff you guys print.”
— “It comes free with the newspaper. Everybody has a subscription to A.”
— “Haha, yeah. You’re right. “I work with mergers and acquisitions. Maybe I can explain it to you over a drink.”
— “That sounds like a great idea…” Veena paused for his name. She could see that Seher wanted to shoot him down but was stumped because she couldn’t find a reason yet.
— “I’m called Jackie.” There it was.
Seher, who was back to holding her drink with folded arms, smiled with the sincerity of a clown who had been punched hard in the crotch. She poked Veena’s arm to get the permission to shoot him down. After that name, Veena just gave up and let Seher go for the offensive.
— “I’m sure your parents were big fans of Jackie Shroff, weren’t they?”
— “What?”
— “Well, they bought you a white jacket, didn’t they? Tell them, I appreciate them setting up such a bright warning for their son.” Seher continued as Veena grabbed her arm and dragged her away, while mumbling, “Too mean, too mean…”
— “White jacket, V, a white jacket! It was screaming at me!”
— “Really? What was it saying?”
— “Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche…” Seher’s shoulders bounced as she recreated the beat of the EDM track playing in the background with her mouth. The two of them walked to the balcony.
— “You know what? Go ahead, you deserve the psychotic ones only.” Veena stretched her hand in Anuj’s general direction. “Where is that joint we left here?” Veena’s question was met with laughter from the gang except for Avantika who smiled while making a soft laughing sound. Kartik suddenly stopped laughing and turned away from the party hoping for more fireworks for him to stare at.
— “Leh, what happened to this one?” Seher flipped Veena off with one hand and pressed her ice cold glass to Kartik’s arm.
— “What?”
— “Anjali has just stepped onto the balcony…” Avantika, who was standing closest to Kartik, repeated it for everyone. “Anjali has just stepped onto the balcony.”
— “Want to see a magic trick?” Veena asked everyone. Anand realised what was about to happen and started shaking his head furiously but that didn’t stop Veena. “Kartik, what is she drinking?”
— “Bacardi and coke.”
— “How do you know that?” Veena started giggling even before she finished the question.
— “I saw her order it at the bar.”
— “You could hear her order at the bar?” Seher decided to wash her hands in the flowing river as well.
— “You are dead to me, Anand.” Kartik grabbed Anand’s arm and pulled him closer. “Dead.”
— “He can lip-read³⁹.” Avantika looked up from her phone. “Only Anjali’s lips apparently.”
That was a skill that Kartik had developed during the one and a half years of crushing over Anjali at college. He could repeat everything that Anjali said to her group in the classroom or the cafeteria at any given point. Ask him anything else, anybody else was saying, including the professor in the classroom, he would draw an unmistakable blank.
— “I am impressed, new girl.” Anuj handed her half a visiting card. “Now, tell us how you came upon this piece of information.”
— “I just asked Niyati on Whatsapp.” Avantika split the half into two, returned one to Anuj and started started making a roach with the one in her hand.
— “Okay, everybody who knows about this, raise your hands.” Kartik gave up trying to hide from Anjali. (He knew that this ribbing was not going to stop.) Everybody had found his unusual talent rather hilarious, so all of them raised their hands. All except Anuj, who was busy torching the hash enough for it to crumble easily to mix with the tobacco.
— “Anuj?”
— “I don’t care.” He finished rolling the joint as he pushed the roach into one end of the joint.
— “I told you about it!” Seher clearly remembered telling Anuj when they were seeing each other. “We were smoking on the parapet outside the window in my room.”
— “I did not care enough to remember. We’re guy-friends. If we were to remember each and every psychotic thing we have done for the attention of women…” Anuj lit the joint for a pause. “We’d probably not be able to move because of the weight of guilt. You owe me one.”
Anuj didn’t really expect Kartik to return the favour. He did it purely out of the desire for good karma as with each drag and exhale, every lie and every recycled poem he had used since high school to get laid flashed before his eyes. Kartik acknowledged his gesture by putting his hand on Anuj’s back. He decided that it was time he ended this Anjali nonsense.
— “I am going to go over there and talk to Anjali right now.”
— “If you ask me, then I believe you should at least wait till you make eye contact and she acknowledges you with a smile.” Veena put her drink aside and pulled Kartik back with both her hands.
— “Go Kartik.” The rest of the gang did not care as much as Veena did. They saw his eyes widening with embarrassment so they did a softer ‘Go Kartik!’ after that.
— “I’m glad she didn’t hear that.” Anjali had gone back in by then.
— “Wait!” Avantika grabbed Seher’s whisky and handed it to Kartik and handed Kartik’s vodka to her. “Get another one or finish his vodka.” She took the joint from Veena, took a drag and passed it to Kartik. “Perfect.”
— “Perfect.” Seher repeated after Anand but with a sigh as she looked at the Kartik’s piss-coloured drink in her hands.
— “Did she just give him a quick bakeover?” Anand looked like a ghost passed through him.
— “Not a word.” Seher muttered by muscle memory. “But uncannily Niyati.”
— “Exactly! Did you get that one by WhatsApp as well?”
— “Haha! Good one.”
³⁹ Lip-reading was one of the most fundamental tools of Actorography. One that, according to Niyati, probably qualified Actorography to be nothing less than a martial art. One of the training modules involved the actor to plug his or her ears and go to parties till the actor could preempt every social cue possible just by reading people and their lips. It took a while to master but once mastered, dealing with most people had only one simple trick. To mimic the body language of the person whose gaze one was holding at any given moment. Group discussions were a complex task but after about a dozen parties or so the actor got the hang of it.
⁴⁰ A bakeover is a makeover where your style quotient is accented by the right kind of intoxicants to make you look more appealing that you normally do.
