Chapter 53: The Epilogue
2 January 2013, 11:30am
— “Enky, there is an audio file in the archives that I don’t remember recording.” One of the sound engineers that Enky had hired to start the morning shift at the studio stood over Enky’s head.
— “What’s the date on it?” Enky had his head stuffed into the couch before he turned around to face the engineer. His bai and her friends were cleaning the place up and he had promised them five thousand bucks for the entire mess.
— “Created thirty-first December, eleven fifty-eight pm. It was recording all night. Lots of noise except the first couple of minutes.”
— “That doesn’t make any sense. Do you think that stupid college band sneaked in and left us a demo track?” Enky got up to stare and stared at the waveforms on his screen. “This doesn’t look like music. Play it.”
The track:
Woman: Is it recording?
Man: No, not yet.
Woman: But you clicked on some button with a giant red circle on it.
Man: It was the wrong software. Waiting for the camera software to load. I hate these Macs.
Woman: Let me do it, I use Macs at work —
Man: I’m doing it —
Woman: I’m telling you let me do it.
Man: You know what, screw it. Let’s just do our thing and we can do it again when we record it at home.
Woman: Fine.
Man: So you want me to sit down on the floor, while you get on top of me?
Woman: Just sit down, I’ll do the rest…
Long pause.
Man: Ow, ow, my hair…
Woman: Better now?
Man: Much.
Woman: Okay, now start pumping your fist…
Man: If you took your top off, that might help.
Woman: How can you see anything? I’m sitting on your shoulders.
Man: Duh! There’s a reflection there.
Woman: Here… Happy?
Man: The bra too!
Woman: Is it working now?
Pause.
Man: Is this pace alright?
Woman: Umm, it’s good but I’m not feeling the entire muscle… Wait, let me shift a little… Okay, try it again.
Man: Now?
Woman: Still not what I imagined… How about you just swing your arm back and forth, like you were rowing.
Man: Like this?
Woman: This is still running or power walking. Row the boat, like row it. Row it like those Facebook twins. Yes. YES. Like that.
Man: Like this?
Woman: Oh yes, so very much like that.
Man: You know this isn’t helping me at all, right?
Woman: Shut up and row, you big bag of muscles… OH! We’re getting there, we’re getting there!
Man: This soon?
Woman: Row faster, you idiot… We’re just about to win this damned thing!
Long pause. A lot of inward breaths, which bordered on moaning territory. A loud thud.
Man: OW! MY HAIR! How could you just slip backwards like that? Are you alright?
Woman: Never been better. Hmmmmm.
Man: So should I put on my shirt now?
Woman: Yeah, we better get out of here quick.
Man: Should I shut down the machine?
Woman: HURRRY!
— “That’s it.”
— “That’s it? Then everything flatlines?” Enky pushed the sound engineer’s hands aside and leaned over his chair.
He thought for two seconds. It was going to be a particularly dull day for him. There was work but the band that was coming over to record the ad jingle had cancelled. Enky felt particularly evil because he hadn’t been up to any keeda in the first 48 hours of the new year. To cut to the chase: By the end of the day, Enky made an electronic track taking dialogue and moan samples from the recording. He uploaded it on YouTube and the track went viral. At the brunch the gang would be heading to when they would invoke Shah Rukh Khan, Seher would introduce them to the track. Veena and Anand would both sputter their drinks out of their noses and mouths.
The End.
