Why Being “Alone” meant Growing Up for me!

Humans are social animals. We are hooked to everything that starts with the word “Social”. Social Circle, Social Media, Social Drinking and the list goes on. Most of us constantly need someone to interact with either on the phone, online chat groups, or in person. If one honestly thinks about how much time one spends just to themselves in a day, and ends up with almost zero, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I am no different to this, I grew up in a very happy family and was constantly surrounded by people. I am blessed to have lovely parents who were around me at just a drop of a hat. Every minute of my life was so important to my parents that they made it their goal to be with me whenever I needed them.

When I got back from school. My mom would always be around to open the door. She would patiently listen to how my day went. What was good and what was bad. If something was bad, she made it a point to show me the bright side of an unpleasant thing. I did not realize at that point that what I had was something not all people get.

More often than not, you are sent away to hostels or both the parents are working or even worse, parents are around but they don’t have enough time for you. So growing up, I had a constant support system around me and all the decision making would be a joint effort. I always had people around me to rely on and think through what I should and shouldn’t do. At that time, I did not realize that sub-consciously I was in a way relying on so many people around me that many of the decisions I took were an outcome of a lot of people’s opinions, not just mine. At that time I was not aware of this trait.

All through the college, you have so many friends around that you hardly have any time for yourself. You have constant peer pressure of being cool, dating someone hot and doing something crazy just because you have to make college life interesting. Forget everything else, there is hardly any time to spend with yourself thinking about like and dislikes.

With the predefined framework of education, you get pushed into a job based on your academics and mediocre interviews. All through 20 years of my life, I had a constant support system from the people around me and a well-defined framework of what I should do and where I should go.

So far so good.

One morning I woke up and it felt as if a fairy tale had just ended! I felt I was, quite literally, on my own. You might ask what happened to all the support system of friends and family around you, who had opinions, advice at length about which college you need to apply, which guy you need to date, when you had to study, when you could hang out, which hobby you should pursue etc. Parents no longer understood the working of new age MNC companies. They did not understand which job profiles suit me the best or which company is good for my career. All my friends were busy getting through to their own destinies by writing and re-writing them! Whatever that they were doing, everyone was just busy!

Bam! At one point I felt like I was the biggest meteor that was speeding past the sky at astonishing speed and the next second I felt that I had crash landed on earth. Because I did not know where I was headed next.

You land a job and you are part of a herd of fresh graduates. No one really expects anything out of you. You have a bunch of fellow joiners to hang out with. Seemed easy! Life was on Auto Pilot mode pretty much! Until I found myself out of serious relationship and out of my home country. (This would be a long story by itself for another day :D)

But in a nutshell, I had to build a home for myself. One might wonder what is so tough about it. No, it was not tough to find a house, bring all the furniture or utensils to be used in the kitchen. This was easy part. The toughest part of this was all of a sudden I had so much time for myself that I did not know what to do with it! I used to finish work and be alone. I used finish dinner and be alone. I used to go shopping and be alone. I used to take a leave to be alone. The insanity of being alone drove me nuts.

Being Alone = Boredom, Insanity, Loneliness, Depression, Negativity. The list went on. Sometimes I used to feel one of them but during the worst times, I used to feel all of these feelings put together.

Someone once said, “Empty Mind is a Devil’s Workshop”. But I would say the irony of Empty Mind is, even though it does make you depressed for a week or two or longer, after that, it just doesn’t want to feel empty. It wanders around to find hidden passion, lost hobbies, and new interests. It makes you crawl towards the unknown and undiscovered potential of your own.

For me being alone started adding up to a beautiful picture.
When I picked up a painting brush!
For me being alone meant, dancing to my own tune
When I danced my heart out in Zumba Classes
For me being alone meant, scribbling in the notepads of my heart
When I started blogging regularly
For me being alone meant, not having to obey orders
When I started traveling with friends, family, and anyone who just wanted to get away.

For me being alone meant, taking my own decisions
When I started reading books and started having opinions of my own

Being Alone meant a lot, it meant I was in a process of self-discovery! I had started to listen to my thoughts and was trying to analyze myself. Slowly I had to make decisions by myself, I had to change light bulbs by myself, I had to feed myself and I had to take care of myself.

If I was sad it was because of me. If I was Happy it was because of me!

After a lot of tears, frustration and anger. I had finally started to see light, hope and a new dawn of knowing myself. I started to see a pattern in my behavior when similar things happened. I contemplated on my past and started to form a character and persona of my own. I started to understand my likes and dislikes, my strengths and my weakness. I knew what I was bad at before anyone could point it out.

Somewhere I had made peace with my limitations and was in love with my strengths. This was exactly when I stopped aspiring and wanting to be in someone else’s shoes. Because when you know you are a diamond in the sky, you shouldn’t aspire to be gold in the hidden mines

All this happened because I chose to live alone. It is not easy, it is not pleasant. Once you get a hang of it, you wouldn’t want to let it go! But in reality you will at some point, but only once you are done knowing yourself. You can survive almost anything. Being alone was indeed an integral part of me growing up! What is your story?