BEING HUMAN (DARK HUMOR)
On Being A Leader
Are they out to get you?
[Teams call ringtone] The Big-Boss’s avatar comes up. Oh my. I misclick and accidentally hit the recycle bin. I try again. I hit the camera button dead center, pixel perfect accuracy. It’s on baby.
“Good morning, Soft. It is I, the Big-Boss”, his voice is measured, like always, but with a softer undertone; it gives me a good feeling. “Hi Big-Boss, how could I be of service to you today?”, I reply, always eager.
“We have extensively reviewed your quarterly reports and you have overachieved on all crucial KPIs. The Board is pleased and thought fit to promote you to Department Head. Expect to be moved to the Largish-Corner-Office soon. Congratulations!”
He hangs up. I am alone, again.
I am going to be a Leader. This of course means that people are going to acknowledge me as I walk to the water cooler. Potentially they may even feel predisposed to show me respect. And they are certainly going to try extra hard to get and remain on my good side.
This affords me a lot of personality problems that I will not need to do anything about. People will be made to put up with me because of a couple of words on my business card. This is great!
And you know what? I deserve as much. I have indeed showcased all the qualities of True Leadership:
- reaching and exceeding my KPIs, especially the crucial ones, such as number of money tokens generated over time units utilised
- going to all company networking events, engaging optimally in small talk, and visibly having fun while not overstepping myself
- not having anyone in my team complain too loudly about me, since I am always careful to phrase what I ask of them to sound in line with the Company Values
I take a last look at my Medium-Sized-Office-by-the-Front-Door and start packing my stuff to move. And then it dawns on me. It came in like a wrecking ball. Maybe these are not the qualities that will see me through to being a successful leader, although I have become one because of them.
This frightens me to the core. I always wanted to become a leader so I would not have to change. Being a leader I can rest easy, people will like me, and accept me as I am. But, like love, if you force it, it’s not.
But think of it: To be a leader I may have to start thinking about others, looking at how I can enable their achievement, always talking with care and balance, smiling even when it’s hard. Finding a way to say bad news but not discourage anyone, and sit down with the team to find a solution. Finding a way to say good news and step aside so that the team can enjoy its moment.
But if I look out for all of them, who is going to be looking at me?
We are so full of leaders that ascend the corporate ladder because they are capable performers. So full of leaders that see this ascend as a shortcut to likability and respect.
And we are in dire need of leaders that have worked on their issues enough to not make them the issues of others. Leaders, who actually have enough space left in their hearts to open up to the issues of others around them, kindly and humbly work hard to assist them, just as they have done for themselves.
I am now afraid that they made me a leader to force me to murder parts of myself. The ones that want to show off, to be at the center, to get the acknowledgement and the bravo, to take advantage of power to further my own agenda. And turn me into a better, more caring and resilient human being. I truly think they are out to get me. Well played.
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