MENTAL HEALTH
Safe Spaces: Restore Your Sanity
Counter the toxic culture of constant availability
Constant demands, relentless responsibilities — from work and family, often reflected back as our own expectations towards ourselves. “If only people would stop asking so much of me, it’s not fair!” It truly seems the demands will never cease.
But should they? Is the real issue that people keep asking for things, or could it be that we haven’t dared to assert some quality space for ourselves?
Of course, this is not easy. We are afraid people will react. They will start pointing fingers. We will be put on the spot. Some of us cannot tolerate this well.
But with our mental health on the line, we need to find a solution. Unfortunately, this is not optional, as legions of burned-out individuals can attest to. Fortunately, there is a lot we can do to create our own, deeply resonant safe space, regardless of our circumnstances.
What is a safe space & How to claim it
A safe space is formed around an activity that truly and deeply resonates with us. Something that connects us with our true self, where we feel at ease. It can be something as simple as reading a good book by the window, or taking a nice walk around the local park. Or something totally different. Truly, whatever resonates with you is and should be fair game.
But for an activity to become the center of a safe space, two additional crucial components are needed:
- We really need to make sure that there is nothing to be done while we are engaged with our chosen activity
- We actively safeguard our activity from external and, more importantly, from internal pressures (i.e., guilt)
Let’s see how we can achieve these two important points.
#1 Make sure you truly enjoy the activity
Do not get swayed by culturally-ingrained images of what is supposed to be relaxing. Reading a book in your favorite coffee house and watching people pass by while sipping your hot, aromatic coffee is a powerful image. But it might just not be for you. Truly listen to yourself, what is resonant deep inside you? Often, this is an activity we enjoyed a lot as children, where we felt protected and at peace.
#2 Make sure the activity is realistic for your circumstances
There are multiple activities that can be deeply resonant for us and, most importantly, the same activity can take many different forms. Think through the time and effort implications and other logistics of your chosen activity. Find an approach to it that allows you to connect with its deeply resonant core, while at the same time making it compliant with your particular context.
#3 Mindfully block sufficient time
Have a look at the activity and take into account the time it will take, realistically. To set up for it, to start it, to engage in it, to clean up afterwards and be refreshed and ready for life again. Block this time for yourself in your schedule. Move things around to make time for it.
#4 Actively move responsibilities outside the blocked time
Apart from the initial time block, realise that you will need to actively ensure that your time slot remains free and available. This requires that you constantly move responsibilities around to ensure this free time. No one else will do this for you.
#5 Communicate your decision
Let important people in your life know that you will need this time for yourself. Let them know how important it is for you. Encourage them to do the same for themselves. Nobody can or should be constantly available for others. Be a leader-by-example for other important people in your life.
#6 Remain flexible
You will fail to ensure quality time for your safe space. A lot. This is ok. What would be unfortunate is to see these failures and decide that, since I cannot perfectly enforce this, I will stop it altogether. This is perfectionism speaking, a trait that many of us engaged in the constant availability culture also share. Well, failing a lot is very human. Stop trying altogether to ensure you cannot fail any longer takes a perfectionist to imagine.
There is no guilt.
No matter the circumstances, no matter what you think you ‘should’ be doing instead, you are fully deserving of time that nurtures your soul and rejuvenates your spirit. And taking time for yourself is not an act of selfishness. Quite the contrary, it’s an act of self-love that not only benefits you but everyone around you.
Others may think that what they need from you is to do this or that for them. Actually, what they need is a centered and happy person with enough space in their souls to also help those around them. No matter what they think, no matter what you think, no matter what they tell you or you tell yourself, this is true. Hope you can see this. It can really make a difference.
Conclusions
In the hustle and bustle of relentless demands and responsibilities, taking time to create a safe space isn’t an indulgence — it’s a necessity. The journey towards carving out that sanctuary involves intentionality, boundaries, and a commitment to your own well-being. It’s an exercise in prioritizing yourself, a statement that you, too, deserve attention and care.
So, let go of the guilt and the expectations. Turn the focus inward, and reclaim the time that’s rightfully yours. After all, the ability to be there for others starts with being there for yourself. You don’t just need a safe space; you absolutely deserve it. No questions asked. And at some point others will understand that they benefit from this arrangement as well. Give them time.
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