PSYCHOLOGY
Success as a Shield: How to Gently Let It Go
Seeking insulation from a demanding world
I am important, I cannot be bothered with this.
You won’t usually hear this verbatim, but there it is, underlying the fantasies of many dreaming of success: reaching a point where you can engage with life the way you want. And everybody around you deeming this natural and expected, that you deserve it.
Below, we first take a look at why we need this Success Shield in the first place, why we may be better off gently dropping it, and finally a set of steps for how to gently drop it and replace it with a more wholesome, and ultimately satisfactory, approach to life’s demands.
Why we need the Success Shield
First, we need to understand that the Success Shield comes in many different versions, some of them hard to link directly back to it:
- The Overworker that spends their time and energy at work, a structured environment that they can control better than their personal or family life
- The Hyper-Organizer that has a full calendar and is ready to show it to you, creating a wall of busyness that discourages others from asking them to commit to anything they do not want to
- The Hustler that constantly talks about their latest project or startup idea, creating an image of upcoming future success that insulates them from confronting the reality of their work life
The common thread that links all strands of the Success Shield is the desire to select the life areas you engage with and, most importantly, for others to have to respect your choice.
This is crucial: the underlying motivation is a matter of forced respect.
Forced respect is the subtle, yet powerful, mechanism that leverages societal norms and expectations in your favor. When you embody the Success Shield you invoke a cultural script that associates busyness, discipline, or entrepreneurial spirit with worth and respectability.
By doing so, you send a message to the world: “My time, energy, and focus are precious commodities, allocated towards pursuits you must deem important. Therefore, you have no right to question or intrude upon my choices.”
Why we may want to gently drop it
The Success Shield offers a compelling narrative, one that provides an armor against unsolicited judgments, uninvited obligations, or emotional demands that you perceive as intrusive or draining. It creates a fortress of respectability, safeguarding you from a world that’s too eager to impose its wants and expectations on you.
However, while this may sound empowering, it’s also a double-edged sword. The Success Shield may keep others out, but it can also imprison you within its walls, cutting you off from opportunities for genuine connection, emotional growth, and self-reflection. It puts you at risk of living a life that looks impressive on paper or social media, but feels hollow on the inside — a construct built for external validation rather than internal fulfillment.
How to gently drop it
Dropping the Success Shield doesn’t have to be a monumental, all-at-once endeavor. Instead, it can be a gradual process that starts with awareness and culminates in a more balanced, emotionally rich life.
- Acknowledge Its Presence: The first step is acknowledging that you have this shield and understanding why you felt the need to erect it in the first place. This self-awareness is crucial and often requires genuine and honest introspection.
- Start Small: If you’re an Overworker, try leaving work at a reasonable hour at least one day a week. If you’re a Hyper-Organizer, leave some ‘white space’ in your calendar for spontaneous activities or time spent with loved ones.
- Communicate: Open up lines of communication with people you’ve distanced from. Make it clear you’re attempting to rebalance your life and would appreciate their support. Honest communication can work wonders in bridging emotional distances.
- Establish Boundaries, Not Barriers: Learn to say no where needed, but also say yes to emotional experiences and commitments that enrich your life. Replace rigid walls with flexible boundaries that let the right things in.
- Re-Evaluate Your Metrics for Success: Are long hours, a jam-packed calendar, or social media metrics the best indicators of a life well-lived? Probably not. Realign your success metrics to include emotional well-being, quality relationships, and personal growth.
- Seek Support: Sometimes, you might find it challenging to break down these walls on your own. Professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable perspectives and coping mechanisms.
- Be Kind to Yourself: You will have setbacks; that’s a part of any change process. When you do, be forgiving. Re-commit and move forward.
Conclusions
While the Success Shield may serve a useful purpose, offering a form of control and forcing respect from others, it’s vital to understand the costs involved. This shield can easily turn into a life-long barrier, keeping you from the richer, more nuanced experiences that come from letting down your guard and engaging with life in a more vulnerable, authentic way.
By deliberately chipping away at your Success Shield, you make room for a more holistic version of success — one that includes not just professional achievements but also emotional and relational richness. It’s a lifelong process but one that promises a more balanced, fulfilling life.
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