Faith Walk IX

Faith Walk, a blog series covering real stories from real people on their journey to faith and redemption. Read Episode VIII Here

Growing up, I lived a life void of any close relationship with God. I knew that He existed, but I barely cared. I was smart, self-confident, and mostly self-sufficient. There was a lot of pride and an I-can-fix-all-the-problems-by-myself mindset. Living in Nigeria makes it near impossible for anyone not to be part of a religion, so I would periodically partake in some church activities. Outside that though, I barely prayed even when I had problems.

My parents were pastors but I was not into the entire religious mix. Little did I know that I would one day desperately and deliberately run and beg to hear God’s voice. Through my late younger years, I really wanted to be successful early, I wanted to say “I made it” “I’m self-made”. I had really solid plans for my life and had it all planned out.

Like many young people, I picked up vices that turned into addictions. New addictions met old addictions, and substance abuse was one of them. No one knew this; I nursed it all secretly. As time passed, I thought that I should perhaps surrender my struggles to God⁠ — perhaps give the big guy up in the clouds a shot⁠ — but I kept postponing the thought. At best, I would partake in more “religious activities” without bothering to Know the God behind the religion. Part of the reason I stayed far was that I thought I had to fix myself before coming to God.

I was wrong, and I found this out when a friend of mine sent me Psalm 119:9.

“How can a young man keep his way pure (become clean)? By keeping watch [on himself] according to God’s word [conforming his life to God’s precepts] (AMP) | How can a young man cleanse his way?

By taking heed according to Your word. (NKJV)”

… as simple as these words seemed, they shook me out of my struggles and right then I resolved to give God a shot. That was when my life began to change. I surrendered entirely to God, all my struggles and resistance. It took a while for me to completely let God into my personal space but one incident opened my eyes to how Close God really was.

One day, while I sat out in the sun, I was thinking and asking God to reveal himself to me and suddenly I heard audibly, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof”. In shock, I dashed into my friend’s apartment, picked up my journal and hurriedly wrote the first words. These were the first words I heard God speak to me.

I had never heard these lines before. I had no Bible, not even a Bible app on my phone. Quickly, I googled those words , and Psalm 24:1 came up. These were actually real words found in the Bible!

“… the world and they that dwell therein”, the remaining words from that Bible verse.

I thought on it, thanked God for responding to my quest and then He asked me, “Can you count what’s in front of you?”, I looked around, tried counting the grains of sand; the pile of rubble; the grasses that grew amongst the flowers in the lawn beside me, and the experience overwhelmed me as I burst into tears. I cried profusely like a child. Not that anything bad had happened, but just knowing that God was near and close enough to hear me, to respond to my rather feeble request to know him quacked me to the core and this changed my entire view of God being distant.

In the journey of knowing God, I have had to unlearn a lot — mostly the things I thought I knew about Him and the Bible. I am realizing more and more that my past view of God was hardly accurate and all these new discoveries are both exciting and thrilling. Following God has taught me patience. I’ve overcome my past addictions, but beyond the benefits, I’m more concerned about listening to God (my Father), being close to him, and hearing him say “Turn right” “go left” and obeying him in a heartbeat.

If anyone had asked me five years ago, I would have sworn that I knew where I wanted to be. I would have been so sure. Today, I barely care much, I may not know much about the end, but I know the God who knows the end and that’s enough for me. I’m intentional about hearing His voice. The fleeting things of this world which really mattered and excited me in the past are barely important to me now. Not because they suddenly are bad, but because knowing God and his ways are all that matters to me now.

I may not be there yet⁠ — I still have a lot of unlearning and learning to do⁠ — but I’m grateful for the journey so far.

I leave you with these words which have been saving me through the years

“So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.” — James 1:21 (NLT)

As told by Chinedu Udeze

Chinedu is a Technology Business Analyst and User Experience Expert. He’s a worshipper and his heart desire is to reach the world through music and songs. When he’s not singing he’s out playing pool for fun.