Television
Dead to Me — A Casual Crime Comedy
Review of the 2019 drama-comedy about female friendship, grief and — our favorite thing at this point — crime
I am a watchlist-shopper (Yes, like window-shopper). That is a person who opens up a streaming platform, adds a bunch of movies and shows to their watchlist and then closes the tab.
Yes, I came up with that term myself, and no, I am not proud of it. But when I found Dead to Me in my watchlist, I took a chance on it and, well, here we are.
So sit back while we drive right into this show which starts with a crime and escalates into multiple offences. Fair warning for spoilers up ahead. Also, look out for that —
A Crime as Old as Motor Vehicles
Jen’s husband was killed in a hit-and-run. Our leading lady spends most of her days coping with his death by noting down plate numbers of damaged cars in the street.
She also goes to a support group for people dealing with the loss of loved ones. There we are met with Judy. From then on, they become…friends. Well, Jen is hesitant since she’s like a rock. She is closed off and cynical, not to mention sarcastic about everything.
And while Jen is guarded, Judy is the exact opposite. She’s friendly and kind, and a lovely person, which makes their friendship quite odd.
But this isn’t the section where we dissect their relationship. No, here we will discuss Ted, Jen’s late husband. His hit-and-run case is still unsolved after 3 months, which is shocking considering how evidence just popped up in later episodes casually.
Let’s just say that this show isn’t too careful with its handling of crimes, or the law for that matter.
It’s a Lawless World
The world of Dead to Me is no different than ours. Obviously laws exist, but the police don’t get much done and everyone just hides away their crimes.
Let’s get Jen’s husband out of the way, first of all. Judy was the one that drove right through him and sped away. Yes, Judy is the criminal. Jen is also a criminal because she killed Judy’s ex-fiancé, after which their bond surprisingly grew stronger. We would call all of this “Goals!” while sitting on a couch at home, but we would turn a person in to the police if it were real life.
It’s hilarious how the show strives on these extremes. The amount of horrible things these characters have done or keep doing makes the show enjoyable. But while these are crimes which I do not condone, they are also forgivable in the eyes of our characters.
Jen and Judy forgive each other, and later on in the show even appreciate the fact that these circumstances brought them both together.
Forgiveness, Abuse, and Acceptance
Even when the characters committed actual crimes, it wasn’t like they weren’t aware of it. Judy comes into Jen’s life in hopes of making a positive difference, and almost confesses to her about the hit-and-run.
Similarly, Jen also knew that she had killed a man and realizes her wrongs. But even when our leads wanted to come clean to the police, Detective Perez and Officer Preger actually take their sides, one way or another.
To understand how someone could defend two criminals, let’s look into their lives.
Ted had been cheating on Jen for a year prior to his untimely death. He had also told his new girlfriend that Jen died from breast cancer, which is funny (not in a good way) because Jen had a double mastectomy due to her own mother dying of breast cancer.
Judy’s ex-fiancé left her after she went through her fifth miscarriage. He also verbally abuses her on multiple occasions, which is subtly encoded in the dialogue, along with her forgiving nature.
Judy: Don’t yell at me.
Steve: I’m sorry.
Judy: It’s okay.
She even goes back to him multiple times because she still sees the good in him, despite him running an illegal business in her name, as well as disregarding her completely. Unsurprisingly, he was also responsible for Judy not admitting her hit-and-run crime sooner. He was in the car with her when it had happened, and he had berated her into driving away.
So what now? We have a background on Jen and Judy, two women who have gone through several tragedies. But does that change the fact that they have committed crimes?
Faults of men are used as an excuse to forgive the crimes of women. I feel horrible for Jen and Judy, but that still doesn’t excuse their misdeeds. But this show writes these women in such a way that all we feel, by the end of it, is sympathy for them.
Forgotten are Ted and Steve. No, wait, Steve is still somewhat remembered.
Friendships are Underrated
Jen and Judy’s friendship is one of the best examples of female friendship in any TV show. Their chemistry and dynamic makes this show, with no doubt. They are there for each other through each tragedy and crime.
They even co-parent Jen’s two sons. This warmed my heart since Judy had always wanted children, but is later diagnosed with early menopause as well as cervical cancer.
Judy: You filled the hole in my heart.
At this point in the show, I had been bawling because Judy is an artist, and most of her paintings are about children with heart-shaped holes in their chest. Does that not just make you want to weep?!
But while Jen and Judy go through several ordeals together, the last one in season 3 is one Jen has to overcome by herself. We’ll never really know about it since the show only has 3 seasons and didn’t renew for a fourth.
Even then, the show was tied together nicely, despite the grief which followed Jen and Judy’s friendship till the end.
Grief is Love
As funny and dark the show is, it is also quite saddening. Comedy shows, I’ve come to realize, actually depict sadness in a more nuanced and profound way. Maybe it’s because it already has us laughing. It’s already got us feeling one emotion.
Dead to Me opens up with Jen’s memorable sarcasm as she casually mentions her husband’s death. It’s the best first impression you can have of someone. She’s resilient, she’s sarcastic, and she’s a pained person. She’s grieving because she’s lost someone she loves.
As Pastor Wayne goes on to quote Jamie Anderson later on in the show: “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
I agree with that wholeheartedly. Sorrow comes in all shapes and sizes, but it retains one appearance through it all. It’s always a form of love.
And while the show has ended and I completed watching it, I’ll keep it in my watchlist. Maybe someday, my grief might find it’s way back to it when I need a good laugh or a good cry.
I hope you enjoyed reading this piece on the drama-comedy Dead to Me. You can find more of my work here on Medium. Thank you for reading!
