Wrestling | Poetry

Hulk Hogan’s Rhapsody

A companion poem to my recent WWE piece

Illustration © Richard Spisak, commissioned by the author

Well you see “Mean” Gene,
it’s like this, brother!
I proved my net worth
to this country and the world

when I tore turncoat
Sergeant Slaughter’s
Iraqi flag in the middle
of the ring at Wrestlemania

because him burning a
Hulk Hogan poster or a
Hulk Hogan T-shirt is
just like burning Old Glory!

And when my twenty-four inch
pythons — as wide as the missiles I signed
before they took out potential
Hulkamaniacs — those missiles, Brother!

If they hit the ground enough,
the tectonic plates could shift,
Brother! And when the East Coast
falls into the ocean?!?

And all the hoity toity liberals
and New York marks who fill
Madison Square Garden that
never accepted me are wiped out?!?