Magic: The Gathering
Magical Thinking: Dragons of Tarkir
Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look back at the cards and art of Magic: the Gathering through the eyes of a casual fan, set by set, from the beginning.
We’ve come to the end of an era today, the final expansion of the final full block in Magic’s history. From here on Magic blocks will not be be built around stories broken up into three sets, but will be a bit more contained. But more on that later. For now let’s dive into the final set of the Tarkir block: March 2015’s Dragons of Tarkir.
Sarkhan has come back from his little jaunt in the past, and found that he’s in a very different Tarkir. In this new timeline, the dragons never went extinct, and have in fact conquered Tarkir and rule over the other races. Sarkhan, being a massive dragon fanboy, is okay with this. He’s also okay with the fact that these changes have also erased him from the timeline, making him a man unfettered from time. But hey, who cares that the people of Tarkir are now subjugated by dragon kind, and are at best their servants and at worst their food. Sarkhan gets to fly with dragons you guys!
Before we start assessing the damage, let’s meet the new bosses.
- The Dromoka Brood are the White/Green dragons, made up of desert dwelling dragons and desert dwellers, who separate their children from their parents so they can indoctrinate them to the Dragons early on. The Abzan clans are all dead, having been wiped out long ago.
- Next is Clan Ojutai, the White/Blue dragon who took over the Jeskai way and edited the scrolls of the Jeskai to make himself out to be the founder of the clan. He still runs it as a monastery, seeking martial prowess and spiritualism, and anyone who uncovers the secret truth of the clan is put to death.
- Replacing the Sultai are Clan Silumgar, the Black/Blue dragons, where the undead outnumber the living and the living are a circle of assassins, extortionists, and backstabbers.
- The Mardu horde was laid to waste and replaced with Clan Kolagahn, the Black/Red dragons, where might makes right. The elder dragon only cares about establishing dominance on the others and taking what she wants. Also? Rampant cannibalism among the non-dragon members.
- Last but not least, we have the Clan Atarka, the Red/Green clan which replaced the Temur, who are allowed to do what they want…as long as they keep the dragons fed. The entire society is based around hunting for the dragons, to the point clan goblins have to go out of their way to make themselves less appetizing so they don’t get eaten.
So yeah, you can see how this is a massive improvement over the old Tarkir, right? I mean, clearly Sarkhan had the right idea doing this.
My major takeaway here is that dragons are colossal assholes, and I want the time police testicle monsters from Rick and Morty to show up and beat the crap out of Sarkhan.
Alright, got that out of the way. Let’s look at some cards.
Yeah you guys remember Anafenza right? The former leader of the Abzan? Yeah, she’s dead here. Now you know why I shit on Sarkhan all the time. I admit I didn’t play during this block so a lot of this comes from MTG youtuber Spice8Rack and his hatred of Sarkhan, but looking at this I’m right there with him. Expect a lot more of this in the future.
You may recall rebound from Rise of the Eldrazi . Well it’s back again, and this time the primary keyword of the Ojutai. I thought I told ya, what goes around comes back around (Justin Timberlake reference).
Or you could, you know, kill Dromoka. It’s not likely since you are a 2/1 and she’s a 5/7, but you have protection from dragons. Don’t bust your ass for the dragon bosses! Be your own boss, seize the reins of power and end dragon tyranny!
Yeah, sorry, you’re not gonna get me to warm up to the dragons here. I guess you could make the case Dromoka is the least worst of the dragon lords, but that’s A) not a high bar to clear, and B) she is still practicing indoctrination and brainwashing and still wiped out the Abzan.
That pretty much covers it right? Do I have to say anything else?
Here we have our first new mechanic of the set: Megamorph. It’s like Morph, only when you flip the creature face up they get a +1/+1 counter. According to Mark Rosewater, Megamorph is the most unpopular mechanic of all time! That blows my mind considering this is a game that also includes fading, cumulative upkeep, and banding. But no, this is the worst, and also a 9 on the Storm Scale. Megamorph: Magic’s biggest loser.
So basically it’s “Bring your badass OC to life, the Magic card.”
This is my super cool badass monk who can beat up everyone and can do the five point exploding heart technique. His name is Jean Claude Jackie Chan Steven Segal Bruce Lee the third. Original character, do not steal.
Pacifism cards are always a delight. Just so many ways to show these big scary monsters suddenly deciding fighting is wrong and they are gonna sit this one out. And for the record, it would be sad. Go follow your bliss, Krowg. I’m right behind you, big guy.
Yeah, just don’t mess up, because apparently Dromoka goes around to different aeries, and if she finds weak links and can’t fix them, she eats them.
Have I mentioned I’m not a fan of the dragons in this set?
Could be worse. You could be wrapped up in itchy sweaters.
Magikarp is back and he’s pissed. Who needs becoming Gyrados?
“I’M SO BAD I’LL KICK MY OWN ASS.”
“HEY, IT’S ME! I HATE THAT GUY! LETS GO GET HIM!”
Yeah, a lot of fertile joke ground with this one.
Ojutai is like “talk to the talon cause the maw doesn’t give a crap.”
I hope Atarka likes frozen food. Because I don’t think Tarkir has microwaves (of course with all the dragons microwaves would be superfluous).
Here we have the Silumgar-related mechanic: Exploit lets you sacrifice a creature when the card comes into play, in order to get some benefit. Exploit is a 6 on the Storm Scale, so don’t expect to see it too much.
This is a really cool monster. I really like the flavor here, that it’s literally made out of a spell. But at the same time it could lead to some busted combos if you exile the right card, like the Clone Legion card I covered earlier.
I always like spells that generate tokens because they let you experiment with mechanics that don’t work on creature cards. Like you can’t put rebound on a creature card, so put it on a card that makes creatures. It’s a neat idea.
Alright, now we’re talking. I don’t know who this guy is but I’m glad someone is taking these asshole dragons down a peg.
That better not be Sarkhan. I don’t think he uses Blue mana ever but you can never tell.
And they don’t even have a Sword of Omens. Right now Lion-O is like “this is some bullshit right here.”
This is the opposite of what you expect from a genie. Instead of granting a wish, they stop magic from happening and then stab you with sais.
I might have mentioned this but I am not a fan of the Tarkir dragons, cause this is the kind of world they are running.
Hey, we got more orcs! Always love to see those.
Hey man, it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog. Of course these are dragons we’re talking about so I think Kneecleaver is still gonna lose, but whatever. I go for the long shots.
You know, this raises a good point. Wasn’t Sorin in Tarkir when Sarkhan did his thing in the past? Does Sorin remember the old Tarkir? What happened from his perspective?
We need more cards like this in Magic. Creature go smush.
Oof, mosquito breath. You hate to see it. That’s gonna need like a mountain of breath mints to fix.
I just love the pose here. He’s so earnest with his running. He’s like “Yeah, YEAH! I’M GONNA DO IT! LOOK AT ME GO!”
Insert political joke here. 404 political joke not found, try again later.
So basically the bigger your graveyard the more expensive he is to cast. Maybe he prefers the company, or maybe the souls of those he executed are holding him back. You make the call.
Looks like Sidisti also didn’t survive the timeline change, although she seems to be doing better for herself than Anafenza was.
A zombie genie huh? I suddenly have an idea for the best horror movie ever. Zombie genie: You’ll wish you were dead. OH GOD, THAT’S SO GOOD.
Hey, it’s that super depressed turtle from the Neverending Story.
Still not as cool as zombie genie.
And here is our last new mechanic for this set: Formidable does something if your creatures’ collective power is eight or higher. So either have a lot of low power creatures or a few strong ones. This was a 9 on the Storm Scale so it’s not a very good ability. Or maybe too good. Hard to tell sometimes. The point is don’t expect to see too much of it.
Dragons are born as full adults already? Gives them quite an, edge doesn’t it? I prefer DnD where you can have cute small baby dragons alongside the big ones.
Sorry, little guy. I know your life is misery and toil and getting eaten, but look at it this way. Sarkhan finally gets to fly with dragons! Doesn’t that make it all worth it?
I think this might be the best megamorph card. It’s cheaper to play her for her morph cost, gives you card advantage, and on top of that she’s a very lovely orc lady. I really like this card.
The spell caused the singing frog song to play in his head on a loop. Poor guy never stood a chance.
I always love seeing people riding giant cats and dogs in fiction. I mean, I know it’s impractical but it’s so awesome. It’s like your mount and your pet all in one.
I am literally facepalming here. Sarkhan Vol: Worst. Planeswalker. Ever. (Domri might give him a run for his money, but it’s a close race).
The reason the Kolaghan guys are always running is because the dragons are shooting them with lightning to make them run. OH YEAH, SARKHAN, THIS IS GREAT. A NUMBER ONE JOB HERE. YOU CLEARLY MADE TARKIR A BETTER PLACE. Just…GRAAAAAH.
This could literally just be a zoom out of the previous picture, couldn’t it? I must admit, that is a pretty cool looking dragon.
DISRESPECT YOUR SURROUNDINGS. *knocks over a paper cup*
And here we see the guy who got the rawest deal. You may remember Zurgo was Sarkhan’s arch enemy and a big beefy slap of fuck you. Now he’s a 98 pound weakling, and he’s relegated to bell-ringing duties. Even Sarkhan is taken aback by this turn of events for his old enemy.
I think “hero” might be subjective here, but I guess Sarkhan had to get his love of dragons from somewhere. I guess there are a lot of people in Tarkir who had a thing for dragons.
Okay, the Jurassic Park guys have gone too far this time.
I gotta get my bearings here for a second. I just love how bears are the benchmark of badass even in a world of dragons. Things in Tarkir may be grizzly, but we’re just gonna have to grin and bear it.
…BEARS.
YEAAAAAAAH.
Alright, this set was pissing me off, but I’m glad this is still a thing. Like they made Surrak even more badass than he was.
I wonder what herds he’s chasing anyway. Actually, are those…is he wearing the antlers of elk he’s eaten?
I checked the rulings, and no, there’s no way to turn it back face up. So buyer beware on flipping this bad boy. I guess if you need a blocker bad enough…
Okay, that flavor text makes me smile. That’s what I call a heckin’ good pupper.
Hey, if you add dragons to the list of things it eats then I’m all for it.
…I really don’t like the Tarkir dragons. If I didn’t make that entirely clear.
Okay, I’ve been hard on the dragons this set, but at the very least this seems kind of okay, but at the same time can’t ignore all the other effed up stuff the dragons have done, especially Dromoka.
And here he is. Tthe man, the myth, the legend, the biggest badass of two timelines. The heavyweight champion of Tarkir himself. Like it stinks he’s stuck working for Atarka, but at least he’s still a badass.
And here are our five dragon lords. I don’t have much to say on them individually; they all seem pretty powerful and have useful abilities that match their flavor and their color identities. I admit I’ve been pretty rough on them this article, and I probably wouldn’t go so hard on them if this was how Tarkir was like from the start, and really it’s Sarkhan’s fault for making this timeline, but you gotta admit none of these dragons are good people.
Here we have our last Khan in the new timeline. And I have to say I think Narset got the best of any of the Khans in the new timeline; she became a planeswalker! Also loving that -9 ability.
Oh, I guess Sarkhan can use Blue Mana now. So is that him in Reduce in Stature? If not him, then who?
I didn’t realize this was equipment at first, so I was like “Why do we need siege engines in a world with dragons?” And then I realized this was a dragon accessory (or an accessory for something dragon-like in proportions).
Yeah, Narset managed to discover the secret history of Tarkir and not get killed by Ojutai (because she’s teacher’s favorite). I hope one day we get a Tarkir set where Narset helps reset things in Tarkir to, if not make things like they were before, at the very least make things more even between dragons and the other races.
But for now we must leave things as they are on Tarkir. Maybe we will return one day, but we have other planes to revisit. Next time, we return to Zendikar, and begin the next big chapter of Magic’s storyline: It’s time to take Zendikar back from the Eldrazi, with the Battle for Zendikar. So if you’re feeling brave and ready to battle, then come back next week. Until then, Stay Magical.
