Magical Thinking: Judgement

Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look at the art and cards of Magic: the Gathering, set by set, from the beginning, through the eyes of a casual fan. We’re back with the final expansion of the Odyssey block: Judgement.

Released in May of 2002, Judgement continues the story of the pit fighter Kamahl, who wants to keep his promise to his dying pal Chainer and get rid of the Mirari and keep it from corrupting anyone else. Unfortunately bird person Eeesha and Fishy fellow Laquatus are gunning for the Mirari, and Kamahl’s sister Jeska and Balthor the dwarf are worried the Mirari is corrupting Kamahl. Will Kamahl deliver the Mirari to Mount Doom to destroy it in the fires it was forged in? Or will everyone die? Probably the latter. Let’s get on with the cards.

VICTORY SCREEEECH! New rule: you have to let out a scream every time you play this card. See how long you can keep it up before you get punched out by your opponent.

This might be the most metal White card since that one with the disemboweled Goblin. I mean, that guy is wearing magical barbed wire. Too bad not being able to attack is a pretty big drawback.

Eesha actually seems like a pretty cool character. She managed to negotiate peace with the Cabal, and while she was manipulated by Laquatus, she stopped hunting Kamahl when she realized Laquatus was full of it. I’m kind of sorry she had such a minor role in the proceedings.

Oh they’re not fooled, they just really hate shoddily made art installations. And Penguins. They’re very specific hatreds, but relevant to this situation.

Now you know what Gandalf was up to all those times he stepped out during the Hobbit.

You know sometimes you just need a little break from it all. This seems like a powerful card since it can be used to stall out an opponent for a bit if they are on a timer to lose.

It’s like Stonehenge, only they pay a lot more to keep it clean.

Now here’s an underrepresented creature type in Magic. Come on Wizards. Antelope Tribal when?

Wait, how does a shock prod work underwater? That feels like a poor choice for a suppression tool.

“Wait, I have it! Peanut butter AND Chocolate. ITS BRILLIANT.”

…How does a fish man have a comb over?

Oh my God, Laquatus isn’t Bruce Campbell, HE’S DONALD TRUMP. OH NOW I REALLY HATE THIS GUY.

Man, Ali Baba has to deal with so much crap. Now we got mirror walls. How are we going to get by this one…Oh just hit it with a rock? I guess that would work.

I knew a guy in college who ran a mill deck with these little guys. They are super annoying. Like they can literally just mill your entire deck in one go.

There are a whole bunch of these Nightmare fish critters from Wormfang. I guess when Chainer died Laquatuus bought his back stock of Nightmares. Of course these ones are much worse because they do stuff to you instead of your opponent.

Look, I’m not saying turtles can’t be scary. But I am saying that giving a turtle a tentacle phallus thing in the front isn’t the way to make them scary.

Well. I guess things didn’t end so good for Ol’ Balthor. Poor guy. Gotta say his beard game is still on point. It kept its luster even though he’s, you know, dead.

I wonder if this is another attempt to make a Mind-Flayer-like creature for Magic. I mean, the last time they tried this was with the Urborg Mind Sucker. But this one at least is a bit more original.

You know, I always figured manuscript copying would be the wheelhouse of White or Blue, but I guess context matters in this case. Also seems like a great way to combat Mill decks (Assuming they aren’t exiling things like with Scalpelexis).

Oh, early MTG Werewolves. Wizards struggled so hard to make you work. Innistrad can’t come fast enough.

Oh he’s so cute. He’s like a little angry puppy. Of all the Incarnations I think this one is my favorite just cause he’s so tiny.

Yeah, there was a whole cycle of wish cards this expansion that let you pull cards from outside game. I don’t think I would want a burning wish, to be honest. Maybe put some salve or something on it first.

So my take away is that he is a dwarf and he’s digging a hole. Diggy Diggy hole, digging a hole (That one is for you people who watch Yogcast. I see you).

Okay, that one’s worth it just for the flavor text. I think that’s Kamahl right there in the front. Poor devil.

Pay attention to this lady, she’s gonna be important later I think.

Haven’t seen any Orgg’s in a while….and now you know why because this card is bad. I’m sure this works in some weird combo decks but I’m not a fan.

….Is it messed up I want some Calamari now?

Hey, it’s another creature race which is criminally underrepresented; The Anurid. Big monstrous frog creatures. Kind of wish these would make a comeback (And no, Yargle doesn’t count, he’s something else).

Is that what you call a big group of Wurms? A Crush? I mean it’s accurate at the very least but still….

Ah yes, the otter health plan. Probably the best medical care you can get. And the best part is you pay them in clams.

Now you know why Green has all the big creatures; because they eat their greens. Eat your spinach, kids!

I love the pattern on that beetle’s shell. Makes me wish I had a shield which shed off a giant bug.

What’s better than a bug person? A bug GHOST! Oooooh! He’s here to haunt you for all those flies you swatted. On the plus side he hunts aphids from beyond the grave.

Wow. This is like the biggest Blue hate card ever. Oh, you want to play on my turn? Okay then, if you’re not using your turn I’ll take it. Also that flavortext…do the Nantuko know what a Pheldegriff is?

I’ve said it before, but I’m a huge fan of the Nantuko. Also we’re getting very close to the creatures being actually worth playing now.

And here it is. After almost everyone Kamahl knew has died, he buries the Mirari and his sword in the Krosan wood (and through Laquatuus, serves him right), where it never bothered anyone ever again. I assume. Well it’s probably fine. I mean, it’s just a super-deadly magical artifact. I’m sure just leaving it wherever will work out.

Yeah, for some reason Judgement had a Selesnya theme. All the multicolor cards are Selesnya and so are the non-standard lands. No idea why.

And that’s the end of Judgement and of Odyssey block. What will happen to Kamahl now that he’s rejected the path of violence. Will Jeska stay dead? And what of the Mirari? All these questions will be answered next time when we begin the Onslaught block with the set Onslaught. Until then, stay Magical.