Magic: The Gathering
Magical Thinking: Shadows over Innistrad
Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look back at the cards and art of Magic: the Gathering, set by set, from the beginning, through the eyes of a casual fan. It’s the Halloween season, the time for all things creepy and crawly. And by pure serendipity these next two weeks we will be returning to the scariest plane in the Magic multiverse. No not the Homelands. I’m talking about Innistrad, with April 2016’s Shadows over Innistrad.
Last time we left Innistrad Avacyn had returned, Werewolves were being cured of their curse, things were looking up. Only now it seems like madness and eldritch horrors are showing up all over the place. Almost as if one of those Eldrazi titans has moved in. Yep, Emrakul is on Innistrad, and the Gatewatch are hot on her heels. Will they be able to save Innistrad in time for Halloween?
I think everyone gets to make that joke where “Oh spirits can refer to alcohol and to ghosts”, and this is Magic’s take on it. Honestly, considering the stuff going down in Innistrad I think most people could use a drink.
Yeah, don’t you worry, Avacyn is on the scene and she’s gonna chase down all those perpetrators and instigators. There’s nothing that can go wrong here.
…I mean unless Emrakul drives Avacyn insane and she becomes a bloodthirsty genocidal monster. Then we might have a problem.
We’ll talk about Nahiri later on, but needless to say she and Sorin… don’t get along. Unfortunately, when planeswalkers fight it’s everyone else who loses.
I think results might vary on the saving.
Here we have a new mechanic: Delerium is meant to be a tweak to threshold, and pays attention to the types of cards in your graveyard instead of the size of it. It was used in this block and in Modern Horizons 2 and nowhere else it seems. It was an 8 on the ol Storm Scale, so its pretty clear why it didn’t show up elsewhere.
Another new mechanic: Investigate creates a clue token that lets you draw a card. Unlike Delerium, Investigate fared much better, getting a 3 on the Storm Scale, and getting reused in the recently released Innistrad: Midnight Hunt.
I kind of like how they are presenting Emrakul as being smarter and more subtle than Ulamog and Kozilek were; instead of just barging in with giant Eldrazi drones she’s playing the long game, converting people into insane cults. Of course, that may just be the flavor of Innistrad shining through.
Nahiri is not a happy camper, and she’s letting Sorin know it. I like Nahiri because she’s kind of the first evil-aligned White planeswalker. We’ve had White bad guys before: Konda, Heliod, Akroma, but this is the first time we’ve had a White-aligned planeswalker who is a massive asshole (granted she has a good reason to be, but not enough to justify destroying an innocent world).
Innistrad is basically the personification of “Same shit different day.”
He’s got a good excuse to be paranoid: All these evil cults springing up, don’t know who to trust, your world’s divine protector has gone insane. It can make anyone go mad. Just ask that guy standing behind you with the knife.
Ghost sheep! I love how ghosts are the least dangerous thing in Innistrad. If anything becoming a ghost tends to improve your disposition (You’ll see this more in Midnight Hunt).
“I told you I don’t have any toilet paper!”
I feel like surviving a night on Innistrad could be an Olympic event.
Behold, the origins of cancel culture.
Remember this guy from the original Innistrad? I guess he finished his science project.
Just be careful, dude. Innistrad has turned into a cosmic horror story, and if you go looking for answers…
…You may not like what you find.
And now we know why Emrakul is here; someone summoned her. But who could do that? (Spoilers, it’s Nahiri).
You can forget a lot of things, like your keys or if you left the oven on. This seems like something you would remember.
Also, new keyword: Skulk, can’t be blocked by anything stronger than it. Seven on the Storm Scale, only used in this block.
I don’t think they have ever been to medical school. Or they went and they weren’t paying attention. Either way, CALL THE COPS.
Who else are you gonna send to unravel a mystery in a cosmic horror story than a researcher? Wait, that rarely ends well. HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THE DARING SLEUTH?
Me, five minutes before a DnD session.
“So tell me, Mr. Bane, how long have you been using venom?”
“Gentlemen…BEHOLD!” That one is for you, people who grew up with Aquateen Hunger Force.
I feel you there, buddy. I get sleep paralysis all the damn time. I’ve never gotten the whole “creepy thing in the room with me”. The most I’ve ever gotten is hearing someone walking around and I just assume it’s my dad. But it’s still annoying as heck. The struggle is real.
“Oh no, the giant ten story thing in ice we found and brought back with us broke out and killed us! THIS WAS COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE!”
Seriously, when you are that stupid you deserve what you get.
Always gotta show off for the first DnD session.
Also, Madness. It’s been a while since we’ve seen that mechanic. I think Time Spiral, right?
He’s not an Eldrazi, he’s just got a bad case of pinkeye.
Me trying to remember if I left the oven on (I’m not even kidding).
Honestly putting the spikes on the ball is just overkill. I mean, what do they even do?
Well, look on the bright side. At least it’s not opossums. Actually, I’d probably rather have the Opossums. They’re adorable.
Hey, it’s Mr. Ded.
“Wilbur…you thought you could get rid of me, Wilbur…I’ve come back for the peanut butter, Wilbur…”
Hey, when are we getting the Army of Darkness Secret Lair? That would be on brand.
Junji Ito warned us this would happen!
So, he’s a fan of the Blue Man Group? Music snobs in Innistrad can be real assholes.
Not gonna lie, I just love this card. It’s a skeleton in a straitjacket. Papyrus just snapped one day. Also, this was standard legal when I was on Arena so I got to play with this guy. He’s fun.
Dentistry in Innistrad. You think the vampires and werewolves are scary? Wait till you see his bill.
Remember the twins from the Shining? Easily the scariest part of an already terrifying movie? Well, what if we took them and made them vampires. Have fun with that.
I guess Avacyn is still on that Eldrazi bullshit, and now Jace and Tamiyo are on the receiving end. Who will save our heroes?
They decided to let him go because he needed to get a bath to get rid of his parasite infestation. It was a flea bargain. Ah ha ha ha, oh my, Innistrad is proper fucked, isn’t it?
When you’re a vampire, everyone looks like those Capri Sun juice bags.
WHO YA GONNA CALL?
“What have you got there?”
“A KNIFE!”
“NO!”
I hope those are fingers around his neck. I hate to think what he might be doing with that knife.
Yep, ripping a guy limb from limb. Kids amirite? Makes me glad I’m Ace.
Gary Busey five years ago. He probably looks worse now.
“Okay, so after the seventh or eighth repetition of ‘What’s new Pussycat’, you put in ‘It’s not unusual’, then back to ‘What’s new Pussycat.’”
Oh, poor puppy, look at those rashes. They need some ointment…applied by someone who is not me. While I’m far away.
I love the face that guy is making. Bruce Campbell, no! Don’t go over to the dark side!
Wait, no, this is from the live action Guyver movie where Mark Hamill got turned into a giant cockroach.
Never buy paintings from the “Obviously haunted and evil thrift shop that will disappear when you turn away and look back limited.” It’s just a bad idea.
Red Riding Hood has been putting in the work. The next big bad wolf is gonna get it right in the neck.
Treebeard has had enough of your BS. “A WIZARD SHOULD KNOW BETTER.”
When it comes to being able to put down the mad angels, it’s a good thing to call in the color that knows how to deal with flyers.
If this guy was on Ravnica he’d have no problem at all. They’d welcome him with open arms.
Are there any normal animals in Magic? Probably, but they don’t make it on cards.
If she’s lifting up trees one handed making her a werewolf is just overkill.
Ah yes, dark pacifism. Like the man says: “As long as there are two people left in the world someone is gonna want someone dead.”
“We told you, Carl, you can’t skin a beanbag chair. Or a peach. Or your neighbor. Well yes, you CAN do it, it would just be morally wrong to do so. Carl? CARL? PUT DOWN THE KNIFE, CARL. PUT DOWN THE…”
Wow, that got dark fast.
From a distance it kind of looks like Battle Cat from He-man.
Remember the Wolfir? Those healed post-werewolf Werewolves created by Avacyn? I guess they went on the endangered species list after Avacyn went berserk. That’s a real shame. They were a near concept.
That’s a big nope right there. How does the ecology of soul eating even work? How does one evolve to eat souls?
If I wanted to have a horror-themed hydra, that’s what it would look like.
Yep, Sorin had to take poor Avacyn and put her down Old Yeller style. Pretty brutal stuff here.
I bet you are wondering why Nahiri has it out for Sorin like she does? Well, Nahiri, Sorin and Ugin originally imprisoned the Eldrazi on Zendikar, and years later Nahiri went to Innistrad to get Sorin’s help when the Eldrazi were breaking free, and Sorin…stuck her in a magical jail. So she ended up missing the Eldrazi getting free and wrecking Zendikar. So for revenge she lured Emrakul to Innistrad.
Short version: Planeswalkers can be assholes.
Ah, the brain in the jar. Probably one of my favorite horror monsters. I mean, it’s a brain. In a jar. What’s not to love?
Also cool? GOLEM MADE OUT OF TOMBSTONES. It will kill you, then read a eulogy at your funeral.
…why would you ever make that? Like ever?
And on that terrifying note, we must draw this week’s round of horror-themed cards to a close. What will happen to Innistrad? Can anything stop Emrakul? Is there any hope at all? Tune in next week when we look at the rising of an Eldritch Moon. Until then, Stay Magical.
