Magic: The Gathering

Magical Thinking: Unhinged

Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look back at the cards and art of Magic: the Gathering, set by set, from the very beginning. And *Sigh*, today we are looking at Unhinged, the second comedy set from Magic.

Released in November of 2004, Unhinged is the second silver-bordered comedic set, not allowed for tournament play (except the lands). It was also so poorly received that it basically killed the comedy set idea until 2017’s Unstable set. I can feel it to be honest. I wanted to keep talking about Kamigawa, an interesting set with mechanics I was honestly warming up to. But here we are, so let’s see this set and how terrible it really was.

Reason 1 why Unhinged failed: stuff like the Gotcha Mechanic. Basically the cards in this set police how you interact with the board, like this one that keeps you from touching the table. That is no fun. Just imagining it seems like a real pain, especially since there’s a good chance you’re gonna forget about it and keep doing it.

Also, the fractions on power and toughness. Maybe that’s a pet peeve of mine because math was my worst subject in school, but I hate fractions. Don’t include them in your set. Of course, I think Yugioh with its overblown creature numbers is a bit much, but we aren’t here to listen to me talk about Yugioh (You all made THAT abundantly clear).

Here is another theme from this set: Artists and other stuff that usually doesn’t matter on the card matters. This kind of confuses me. I think the implication is you’re going to mix these cards in with non-Un cards and build a deck based around a specific artist, which is a nice tribute I guess, but the Un set should be playable on its own. Maybe that’s just me though.

I have to admit, writing these articles have given me a new appreciation for the collector numbers on the cards, because they give me a nice little progress bar on how much I have to go before an article is finished. That being said I’m maybe not seeing the humor here except making people look outside the text box for card stuff.

I did say I didn’t care for fractions. Now we have this nonsense. Also WHAT SICK MAN SENDS BABIES TO FIGHT?

There, I made a TF2 reference, probably the only real humor we’re gonna get here so strap in.

Yeah, again I hate this because I don’t want to stand while playing Magic. I sit down for stuff like that. Although to be fair I really only have to be standing when I attack because that’s when Vigilance comes into play (Also I missed when Vigilance became an official keyword, I know it wasn’t in here. Probably in one of the older core sets). Still, constantly getting up and sitting down would be a pain. This is not a fun card.

Okay, this is kind of funny. I suppose I should reiterate that I (probably, I’m self diagnosed) have Autism, and part of this is I don’t really find a lot of things funny. At least not laugh-out-loud amusing. So I may have a hard time gauging what is funny and what is not. But at the same time, I feel like a lot of stuff in this set falls in the not-funny column. This one gets a pass because it makes fun of the often confusing texts of older sets. I mean, I’ve gone over this a few times and it’s impenetrable to me.

So for me this would be a 6/14 (I think, around that) for 7 mana that is Brown/green. It’s a mercy this thing doesn’t factor in weight or you’d be really in trouble.

So basically this is the “hey look over there!” card, or the wait-until-your-opponent-gets-a-phone-call-and-then-put-it-on-the-field card. Or wait till they go to the bathroom. Or something. Honestly, this one amuses me because of all the hoops you can jump through to get it out.

I really like this one because A) they took the shapeshifter gimmick up to 11, and B) they remembered Banding and Rampage were a thing.

See now I just imagine an opponent being tight lipped about their middle name in order to keep you from getting hits with a flying Moniker Mage. Also, I think this is a warm (hah) Magical Thinking to Jaya Ballard, pyromancer planeswalker and mentor to future MTG main character Chandra Nalaar.

Saint Richard Garfield not recognized by the Catholic Church. This is what you get for including demons in the game Richard. RICHARD.

I mean, do I have to say anything here? I think the flavor text covers it nicely. This encapsulates what its like to play Unhinged. Just a boot on your face, countering your spells, forever.

Oh hey, here’s another winning idea: Actively insulting the intelligence of your audience (Okay maybe I wouldn’t have gotten those are parentheses, but I still don’t appreciate the attitude of this card).

Another card that physically handicaps the player. Not fun (Although the bit at the end is a bit amusing I guess).

I feel like this is what people were expecting from this set: Parodies of famous Magic cards. That’s all we want from an Un Set. Not all this jumping around or watching what we say or memorizing our shoe size. Just give us funny versions of existing cards.

Oh yes, Monkeys. Monkeys are funny, right? I mean the last Un set had chickens and clams. Gotta keep that comedy bar high, don’t we?

So is that just the green parts of the bile or the entire card. Also if you just put your finger on it and keep it on is that just damage once or is it Damage over time? What’s the damage rate then? How does a magic card have DPS? IF I WANTED TO WORRY ABOUT DPS I’D PLAY LEAGUE OF LEGENDS, GODDAMMIT.

Hey here’s another good one. Here we’re making fun of all the weird mechanics introduced in Odyssey block by throwing them all on one card. Thank you, now we’re actually finding humor in the mechanics of Magic instead of doing stupid stuff.

*Slams head on desk* Oh yeah, there was a bunch of donkey cards in this set referred to as “Asses”, because comedy.

You know, I feel like mimes get a real bad rap. Everyone makes fun of and looks down on mimes, but they’re out there perfecting their craft, putting in a lot of work to entertain people. They deserve some respect.

Okay, you have a card called Mana Flair and you DON’T have it be a parody of Nature Boy Ric Flair? That’s just a fail all around, I’m sorry.

This is another one I really like, since it plays with the mechanics of the game where the thing attacks before you play it (And it even punishes you for trying to cheat if you don’t actually pay for it next turn).

This one I really like too, since it encourages interactivity with the card and artwork without restricting players movement (It restricts what cards your opponent plays, but a lot of normal cards can do that). And you can power it up on your own by playing your own spells normally.

This one works for me because when I play with my friend, we usually do so at the nearby Tim Hortons, and I always get us donuts for when we play, so the odds of triggering this cards effect is good.

So this will gain me 37 life. Not bad.

Pretty sure everyone just picks the word “tap” with this card, right? It’s probably going to be the most commonly said word during a Magic game, right? Up there with “Mana”, “Attack” and “STOP COUNTERING MY SPELLS YOU SHITLORD!”

Oh my God, another good one! This time making fun of all the old, bad and discarded mechanics of old school Magic. See, that’s what pisses me off is we have embers of the parody set I wanted in here, but apparently that wasn’t enough to sustain a 140 card set on its own.

And so now we’re gonna get our dirty shoes all over our cards and ruin them. Fortunately they are Unhinged cards so nothing of value will be lost.

Hans does not make friends easily, does he? We’ll talk about Hans and his penchant for running away when we get to Commander Legends (Which is way WAY off, but still). At the very least it matches the color theme since they are both Gruul cards.

And again, another card I like because it makes fun of the mechanics of the game, this time with mocking the split cards by making a five way split card. I could see this abomination actually existing in a real set.

I think we’re gonna need a bigger Lotus. Of course, I think with the right card combo you can get this monstrosity out for free somehow…

Oh hey, a bigger lotus. I wonder though, if you tap this, then it gets destroyed, do you die of Mana burn since it’s no longer in play? (Of course the question is now moot since Mana burn is no longer a thing but I’m still curious).

I feel like this is a precursor to the Unstable contraption and crank mechanic, since it’s kind of a fun mechanic compared to some of the others we’ve seen in this set, and goodness knows we need to salvage something from it.

…Yeah, I think we’re done here. Also the perfect place to end because this set was Ass.

It’s not funny, it’s not interesting, most of the mechanics involve having the players jump around, having to avoid saying or doing certain things, and the actual humorous cards are few and far between. It’s pretty obvious why the Un sets were shelved after this for 13 years. But we have a while before the next Un set comes up. Next time, we return to Kamigawa with Betrayers of Kamigawa. Until then my friends, Stay Magical.